How do I find someone to date if I have uncommon interests?

[Midnight FM]

I'm very interested in psychology, personal growth, and arcane topics such as philosophy. I've dated before, but never seriously, or whether there was a connection other than sex.

If I was interested in dating seriously, I think it would be hard to find someone who shares my interests, because my perception is that the things I'm interested in seem "out there" to the average person. It seems like a lot of people are more interested in "everyday" things, but those things often don't interest me as much as things that go on purely in my mind.

Edited September 20 by Midnight FM

[Els]

Sounds like you're an N-type in MBTI. It's actually more common than you think it is, it's just that most N-types aren't very vocal about it. 

You could try meeting people through groups dedicated to your interests. Also, if you are working in academia or doing postgraduate research, people like you will be everywhere.

[introverted1]

As an N type, I endorse @Els's message.   Yes, it is harder to find people who want to talk about the things that interest you, but they exist. 

You seem to be looking for reasons not to date.  If you don't want to date, that is perfectly ok.  You don't need a justification.  But if you do want to date and are just insecure about being able to find someone who will accept you, the only way to get over that is to work on being the best version of yourself that you can while also seeking out opportunities to meet and interact with potential dating partners. 

What is the real underlying issue for your questions?

[ThorLyonsSalem]

There are all kinds out there.  Fact.  They also say that every pot had a lid to it as well.  

Do I believe that?  Even after all these years of frustration and being dumped and mistreated?  I don't know if I do.  What you must do is find what makes you happy.  What is it that makes you happy?  Is it being with another person?  Is it a hobby or interest?  Is it in your diet / exercise?  Is it being in the community and doing things for others in your community?  Find it, whatever that may be. It's not always in another person or being with another person.  Also a fact. 

[Gebidozo]

You shouldn’t care about what “a lot of people” are interested in. I’m also very interested in the topics that you mentioned, and I never cared whether the majority shared my interests. You don’t need someone who’s as passionate about them as you are, you only need someone who appreciates you having those interests and finds this trait attractive.

[ExpatInItaly]

9 hours ago, Midnight FM said:

I'm very interested in psychology, personal growth, and arcane topics such as philosophy. I've dated before, but never seriously, or whether there was a connection other than sex.

If I was interested in dating seriously, I think it would be hard to find someone who shares my interests

The bolded in particular are not unusual interests at all. The personal growth market specifically is huge these days - look at the number of books, podcasts, and public figures that have become almost household names on the topic. 

It may simply be that if you haven't dated much, you haven't really had much opportunity to connect with people on a deeper level where these topics would be explored. But I wouldn't call your interests "out there", really. 

[Lotsgoingon]

Psychology of personal growth? Almost everyone is interested in those topics. Everyone!

 

[basil67]

Yeah, I'll admit to not being particularly interested in this topic, and if a person could not hold a conversation outside of this personal interest, I could not date them.  But there's so much else going on in our personal lives - and the world around us - that surely this is not the only topic you can converse on.  Do you read the news?  Are you aware of what's going on in your local community?  Do you have any other interests?  

As it so happens, my husband and I have very little in common when it comes to interests (he's into sport and I like creative arts) but there's always something to talk about outside of these interests.   Meanwhile, we get our personal interest discussion by talking with friends who share them. 

[Alpacalia]

Connection doesn’t require sameness—it requires openness. You don’t need someone who’s read every Jungian text or debated Nietzsche over coffee.

A big part of it too is not all about you and what YOUR interests are.

You’re not looking for someone to orbit your mind like a satellite. You want someone with their own, someone whose thoughts and passions challenge yours, complement yours, and sometimes even lovingly contradict yours.

[Lotsgoingon]

You need to just go out and date.  We can tell that your thinking hasn't been informed by real-world dating.

[Sanch62]

5 hours ago, Lotsgoingon said:

You need to just go out and date.  We can tell that your thinking hasn't been informed by real-world dating.

If you are experienced in real-world dating, consider where you've been meeting your dates. What are the odds of meeting a good match in a local bar versus those you'll meet while pursuing your interests? Neither makes finding a match impossible, but decide how important targeting a specific niche is to you.

As for matching online, create a profile that not only lists but also discusses your interests to some degree. Your profile isn't just a reflection of you; it's a screening tool.

I don't consider any interests you mention as weird or inaccessible or not shared to at least some degree by many people.

[flitzanu]

On 9/20/2025 at 1:31 PM, ExpatInItaly said:

The bolded in particular are not unusual interests at all. The personal growth market specifically is huge these days - look at the number of books, podcasts, and public figures that have become almost household names on the topic. 

It may simply be that if you haven't dated much, you haven't really had much opportunity to connect with people on a deeper level where these topics would be explored. But I wouldn't call your interests "out there", really. 

^^ this.

i don't want to minimalize, but these topics seem incredibly mainstream and popular, and not at all obscure.

maybe you're just meeting too many vapid people

[Trail Blazer]

You're putting the cart before the horse.  Compatibility > mutual interests.  Don't conflate the latter with being a deal-breaker to the former.  Mutual interests compliment, but are not an absolute requirement.

Conversely, you could meet someone who is into all the things you're into, yet they could have a flawed or very mismatched personality.  This is what will ultimately preclude or inhibit successful dates.

The goal isn't to find someone who likes the same stuff as you.  The goal is to meet, whethet there is chemistry, and just go with the flow.  If you go on a date with the right person, you'll just *know* and the rest takes care of itself.

Edited September 24 by Trail Blazer

[glows]

Don’t worry! Just meet people and enjoy yourself. I have a random undergrad degree in anthropology (archaeology to be exact) which I’ve never used. It does mean however that I have slightly macabre interests involving the dead! This means I’m also interested in forensic science, ancient architecture and conservation. I used to feel a bit self conscious like you when I was younger but I stopped thinking like that. Keep enjoying your hobbies and find reasons to find new ones. Keep challenging yourself and don’t be afraid to be authentically you regardless of the dating scene or whatever is going on. 

[Els]

Just out of curiosity, OP, are you actually meeting and talking to people at all?