I hate that I keep noticing my girlfriend’s appearance

[maus23]

Been with my girlfriend for a year; long-distance (couple weeks at a time spent together). She’s honestly amazing in every way, smart, kind, makes me feel wanted, all of it.

The thing is, she has a noticeable jaw asymmetry/extra bone growth on one side. TMJ, muscle on one side will get very inflamed when stressed. In person I barely notice it (especially early on I didn’t at all), but in pictures it really really sticks out, and recently I am starting to fixate/notice when we meet. Sometimes I find myself overanalyzing it to the point where I feel less attracted looking at photos, even though when I’m actually with her I find her beautiful.

I hate that my brain does this because I don’t want to be shallow, and I know she’s so much more than one feature. But for some reason I can’t stop focusing on it when I see it in pictures, and it makes me feel guilty.

Has anyone else dealt with something like this? How do you get past fixating on a specific feature and just accept the person?

[basil67]

Is fixating on the small things in life something which is not uncommon for you?  If so, perhaps therapy.    But if your girlfriend's jaw is the only thing, then you probably don't love her enough.  

[Gebidozo]

9 hours ago, maus23 said:

Has anyone else dealt with something like this? How do you get past fixating on a specific feature and just accept the person?

I had this with one of my exes, she had a body part that was slightly different from what’s considered the norm, and it bothered me.

Later I realized that I wasn’t sufficiently in love with her.

 

[flitzanu]

don't feel guilty for being superficial.  we are attracted to what we are attracted to, and no one else needs to define that for you.

though as others said, if you're fixating on it, and it is causing you problems, maybe you're not that into her and looking for reasons.

otherwise i'd say get over it, bodies are very rarely symmetrical

 

[MsJayne]

Yes, I've experienced something similar. Many years ago I dated a guy called Darren, and he was a nice guy. The problem started when one of my sister's commented that Darren looked like a chipmunk, and from that moment on every time I looked at him I saw his chipmunkyness. It progressed to the point that I would sometimes, in my head, translate whatever he said into an 'Alvin and the Chipmunks' voice. The only solution was to end it, once you see these things you can't unsee them. 

[Alpacalia]

I dated a man that had very small, feminine like hands. It bothered me. I stopped seeing him. In retrospect, I dated someone that had a bit of a belly, and I found his belly endearing. But that was also because I was madly in love with him.