Husband rather cash out his 401ks and IRAs and sale the house to prolong his mother life, than accept my inheritance offer.

[mende]

Together 15 years, married 13 years, he is an awesome husband, dotes on me from head to toes. But there just one thing we just forever unsolve is stubbornness on not want to accept my inheritance help.

My father whom was a Shanghai businessman when alive own alot of properties, when my parents died they leave inheritance half to me (their daughter) and half to my brother. The inherence is enough to take care of me for the rest of my life not have to work a day.

Back when I got my inheritance, my husband (whom is my next of kin) force me to write a Will that in event of my dead all my inheritance will go straight to my brother, he sees that as the money go back to my Chinese family as it my biological brother. My husband adamant on not want a single penny of it, or anything to do with it.

I got the Wills done as he wish, but it a Will that I wrote against my will just so my husband can be happy or else we just bickering about this.

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Fast forward, 4 years ago his elderly mother (80 years old) had a spinal cord stroke that leave her quadriplegia paralyze (paralyze both arms and legs), she also has alot of other health problems including kidney failure. She went through multiple big surgeries, as well as alot of specialists treating her conditions, and a team of nurses care about her.

He has been working 84 hours a week, and all his money go to his mother treatments, see specialists, medications, out of pocket cost, and pay for a team of qualify nurses to care for her around the clock as she quadriplegia paralyze (and that alone cost 150K a year).

Three months ago he has to cash out his IRAs with penalty to pay for his mom surgeries hospital bills. The debt collectors were after his mother as it big hospital bills, out of filial he take it on and paid for her debt at the expense of cash out his IRAs with penalty.

Her health recently has turn worst, prolong hospital stays and more specialists treating her, my husband adamant on prolong his mom life as he can, even if it mean he will sale the house to use the money to prolong his mom life.

In all fairness to him, the house is he bought with his Savings from his working money, I didn't put a penny to the house. I have no problem with him sale the house, as I have my inheritance to take care of me for the rest of my life. I even have a house in Shanghai myself that my grandma leave for me.

And yes, I offer to help endless times, I even told him use all my inheritance to care for his mom, but he adamant refused, he even get defensive and shut me out. He said I'm his wife, he is her biological son, it not my job to care for his mom.

I'm at my wits end. I asked him flat out, is he like still hold grudge against my Chinese parents whom discriminate against him because he Sierra Leonean, he not Chinese. My parents till their deaths never accepted my husband.

My husband said No, and he said if there anything he very grateful to my parents leave their inheritance to me, because he knows the inheritance will financially take care of me, so he can concentrate on financially care for his mom and prolong her life (even if that means cash out his 401ks and IRAs and sale the house to use the money to prolong her life).

He just adamant not want a single penny help from my inheritance. At this point I told him just do whatever he wants. He can put the house on the market for sale and use that money to prolong his mom life, and I will use my inheritance to rent for the time being, because after his mom pass away, I want him to go with me to China.

He has the rights to sale the house, he bought the house in with his Savings, I didn't put a penny into it. He has no problem to survive without me, he has a Master degree. and makes 6-figures Problem here is for the past 4 years he pour all his working money into his mom medical care and prolong her life. After his mom die he no longer has to pay for her care, all his working money will be his again just like prior to she became paralyze.

Other than the him not want to accept my inheritance issue we don't have a marriage problem, he is awesome, the most faithful loyal man in the 15 years long with him, and he dotes on me alot.

Is there a way to fix this?

[S2B]

Ask your husband to go to counseling with you. In any marriage, it shouldn’t be one sided.

his ego is in the way. You can’t fix that. You could always start doing things without his permission - like buy the next house with your money and then tell him you bought it.