Gone silent?

[esther3]

Hi folks, I recently posted this topic about someone I had been seeing: https://www.loveshack.org/forums/topic/664716-i-messed-up/

Wanted to ask about a current development. 

 

Not two weeks after that, I got an email from said guy apologising. He said he was sorry for pushing me out, that he was dealing with some issues in his personal life and really did like me. He went on to say he missed me and hoped we could reconnect. I wrote back telling him he didn't need to apologise at all, but I did need a bit more time myself, even if I missed him too.

He was on my mind this weekend, so I dropped him a quick text asking how he was doing. Got no reply. We still follow each others socials so I had a quick browse and noticed he hasn't been on in some time - he's usually pretty active. Maybe it's just an anxious attachment thing, but it just seems out of character for him and I'm getting a bad feeling about it. But I also don't want to be a bother if he's decided he just doesn't want to talk to me

[Gaeta]

He will be an enormous waste of your time. He wrote back because he was bored or running out of dating options.

He is not ready to date and you're not either. This will be a constant on and off that will keep you in an emotional limbo.

[ExpatInItaly]

I would not hold your breath for this to go anywherem if I'm being honest. 

Your last thead and this one don't indicate a solid connection between you two. It sounds more like he reached out in a moment of nostalgia or boredom, but didn't really have much intention of following through. 

29 minutes ago, esther3 said:

We still follow each others socials so I had a quick browse and noticed he hasn't been on in some time - he's usually pretty active.

Try not to read too much into this. There are many reasons people aren't as active as they normally are, whether they're distracted or feeling sick or have something (or someone) else taking up their time and attention.

32 minutes ago, esther3 said:

I wrote back telling him he didn't need to apologise at all, but I did need a bit more time myself,

And that's fair, but he may have interpreted this as lack of interest on your part so he's lost the desire to reconnect or some such thing. It's hard to say since it seems you were both dealing with big personal issues which stand in the way of having a proper relationship. Either way, I would not reach out to him again. He knows how to get in touch if he chooses. 

[Sony12]

The vast majority of the time when people go silent on dating sites it is because they have started talking to someone else. And when they come back it's because things fell through with that particular individual.

Sure they can at times have other things going on in their lives but if they are really as interested as they claim they will usually still find time to at least talk 

If they don't even put forth the effort to exchange messages 99% of the time it means they aren't that interested.

[esther3]

Honestly I think I posted this just to validate my urge to let go. I deleted and blocked him everywhere, and feel a lot lighter today. Thanks folks

[Sanch62]

5 hours ago, esther3 said:

Honestly I think I posted this just to validate my urge to let go. I deleted and blocked him everywhere, and feel a lot lighter today. Thanks folks

That's a smart move. You weren't that interested in him, only his reason for shutting you down. When he sent you an answer to that, you discovered that you weren't exactly motivated to close the gap by seeing him after all.

Consider the difference between feeling connected and motivated to keep seeing someone versus feeling anxious about what they think of you.

Don't confuse any displays of disinterest in you at any given time with an outright disapproval or rejection of 'you'. Lots of things in people's lives or focus can preclude them from forming an investment in you. Instead, place your focus on how YOU feel about them and whether or not they inspire you as a good match. Otherwise, their interest in you is irrelevant.

The biggest ingredient of the resilience required for dating is a strong acceptance of your Self. When you can anchor that, another's opinion or approval won't be your driver. Your driver will come from within, and your focus will be on whether YOU enjoy simpatico with a potential great match for you. Anything less than that can be dropped as a nice 'practice' experience for when you meet THAT person. You won't suffer doubts about the RIGHT person viewing you through the right lens. Hold out for that, and head high.