Old situationship and fake friend (pls i need some advice!!)

[Morosa]

I’ll try to make it quick because it’s a long story, i’m sorry for the grammar mistakes i will make but english is not my first language.

Two years ago i was obsessed with this guy, i really really liked him, even before getting to know him, when i got the opportunity to finally talk to him, i made my move and he was immediately interested in me, we started to talk and we went on a few dates and everything was great, but one day he called me to tell me that he was in front of my house (he gave me a lift home once so he knew where i lived he’s not a stalker), that freaked me out and i stopped seeing him, even though i discovered later that he came because he wanted to officially ask me to be his girlfriend, he even had flowers. 

I rejected him for a two reasons: 

1. I like to stay private about this kind of things and coming to my house my parents saw him and also my neighbours and that really bothered me 
2. I was in my last year of high school and i had basically 0 free time and i was stressed all of the time so i thought it would be impossible to be in a relationship with someone 

He was nice but the timing was really not good, so we stopped seeing each other but decided to stay friends because we’re in the same friend group. 

One year passes and it’s time for the final exam of high school, we are the same age so we both had to do it, so i texted him to know how he felt about it and everything, we started to talk again but i didn’t have any interest in going out with him, i just wanted to be friends again. 

One day when our friend group got together, he pulled me aside and told me he still had feelings for me and asked to try and get together, i explained to him that i was not interested because, initially i was supposed to move away for college and didn’t want a distance relationship, but we decided to see how the summer would go and decide then. 

Spoiler we didn’t talk at all so we didn’t get back together. 

Now i’m sorry for the long paragraph, but the story is almost finished, i swear 

Back to this summer, we saw each other again and we acted normal, because we are grown ups and we are friends. 

We started to talk again and my feelings for him started to come back, everything was fine until one of my closest friends, let’s call her Carrot, started to flirt with him and i discovered from an other friend of mine, let’s call her Apple (sweetest girl ever, she’s literally an angel), that Carrot had a huge crush on my ex situationship and that she even confessed to him but got rejected. 

THE AUDACITY!!! She acted behind my back and i had to discover this from someone else, this was crazy to me that Carrot would go for my ex and do it behind my back, but she got rejected so i guess karma exists. 

Anyway after i discovered this i was really angry and jealous so i started to really try to get him back, because even though she had gotten rejected i was being paranoid. 

One night we really connected and we started to text again, here where the problem starts, in the start he was really sweet and nice like always, he would text me first and would try to keep the convo going but then he completely changed, he started to leave me on read or on delivered and his answers were dry as hell, so now i wonder what the hell happened and i’m starting to think either he’s a mastermind and did this to just get back at me or he told something to his friends and they told him to act like he’s not interested in me, so now im just left baffled and i don’t know what to do. 

If you read my post thank you so much i really needed to tell this story to someone outside of my friends to have a new opinion and im sorry if it was sooo long, but this is the end i hope someone will give me advice, thank you so much for reading

[Gebidozo]

I think the reason things aren’t going smoothly with that guy now is because, by your own admission, you’re feeling jealous, angry, and paranoid.

These are emotions that have no place in a healthy relationship. The first thing you need to do is get rid of them and ask yourself whether you really still like that guy or you’re just engaging in a vengeful crusade against your former friend.

I don’t know that guy and there honestly could be thousands of different explanations of his coldness, but what’s sure is that you shouldn’t be pursuing him simply because you feel that he is rightfully “yours” and you can’t stand the thought of someone else liking him.

If then you arrive at the conclusion that you really like him and want to give the relationship another try, just tell him that directly and get a direct response from him. Don’t play mind games and don’t let him do that to you.

And don’t be “friends” with someone if there are romantic feelings involved from either side. That never works.

Edited 22 hours ago by Gebidozo

[glows]

Here is a veg and fruit basket. He likely doesn’t trust you bc you rejected him all that time. He may have met someone else too. Be honest about whether you want to date him and if not leave him alone. Nevermind carrot. He’s probably quite hurt and doesn’t want to be disappointed all over again. 

[stillafool]

I think he now realizes girls are very attracted to him and now isn't as keen on you as before given the rejections you gave him.

[flitzanu]

your friend, Carrot, didn't "go for your ex" because he was never your ex.  you went on a few dates and did not have a relationship, you said yourself he was planning to ask you to be official when you chose to stop seeing him.

you've rejected him for 2 years now, up until you getting jealous that your friend asked him out and now you want to date him again, so it doesn't sound like you actually want him you just want to make your friend Carrot jealous.

[stillafool]

4 hours ago, flitzanu said:

you've rejected him for 2 years now, up until you getting jealous that your friend asked him out and now you want to date him again, so it doesn't sound like you actually want him you just want to make your friend Carrot jealous.

I agree with this and the guy figured that out too and is no longer interested.  It's best to not play silly games with people.