Stupid Hearts

[phngl]

Hey,

so by the Nature of this Forum its evident that there was an Affair going on. I am the other man so to say. And im not gonna go into the Detail of how, what, where and when. Just a quick thing this wasnt just Sex, we were really in love and have (probably still) a super strong conncetion. She was ready to leave her Husband for me, but was hesitant for that to happen so quick as i was in between Jobs at that Moment and wanted to be as stable as possible for this. i should probably say that shes also a Mom of 2.

After close to one year of seeing each other and about 4 months of Ambivalence on her side after she started feeling guilty and bad for ultimately having to separate the Kids from their Dad if we went through with us, she decided for her family. Good for her.  I always said i was never gonna put myself in between her and her family. I told her that i think we're missing out on something really good and real if we break up but i never tried to talk her out of her decision. We broke off all Socials except for Whatsapp (where she said she wouldnt want to delete my number, wich i found odd to be honest, considering SHE really wanted A CUT) and well... our shared Spotify list.

So, for about 2,5 Months we hadnt talked at ALL, but coinsidering i reallly miss this woman i occasionaly check for some signs or resonance. And i found, that she still, rarely but still, listens to our stuff, but generally her music is very, very melancholic. I mean really the kinda of stuff you listen to when your heart bleeds.

That made me want to test the water and about 4 weeks ago i posted a status on Whatsapp. With something that was in the "im going my way and time heals but Jesus Christ, this hurts" kinda spirit. And there was an instant reaction, i should say no matter what i post she usually sees it within 4 Minutes. She was instantly in our playlist and for weeks she would mirror my behaviour, i get a new info she get one. i update my profile pic, she does... listens to all the stuff that i post immediately.  I know its ridiculous...

I knew she has surgery this month. And past week i texted her my good wishes and speedy recovery, it was the first time ive reached out to her since she wanted the cut. And her reply was kinda... luke warm. But still distant. She told me the exact Date it would be, told me that if i wanted her to she would send me a short text after the surgery was done and thanked me for my Message. But she used a very reserved word for "want to" in my language wich implies need or request. So ... i find all this pretty contradictory.

I do miss this woman So much but i also know my place. But still i want to tell her that i f*in miss her... and i feel like there is some resonance but also some controlled detachment in everything

Maybe i just need to vent i dont know, but what should i do here. Do i just let this die?

[S2B]

If you really want to find an available person to date - you would do yourself the favor and cut out every single way you see her posts and tracking methods!

she made her choice. She is never leaving. And you deserve to find someone who can openly love you and have a shared life with that person.

she isn’t available! She’s not willing to take a risk. So it’s your time to take action so you can have a happy and healthy life to look forward to.