alex434 Posted January 16, 2006 Posted January 16, 2006 ok heres the situation, i been going out with this girl for 2 months, things have been ok. She likes me and i like her too, we both care about eachother alot, we have established that. However, whenever i go over her house, sometimes her MALE friend is there who she has known for about 10 years, everyone has told me that there isnt nothing going on and i never thought much about it. But i noticed whenever im over and he is, she directs her attention to him and will let me sit there alone. I have confronted her about this and she said that im the one who isnt doing nothing but i dont see there is much i can do if she is busy with her friend. today i went over and it happend again, so in spite of it i decided to go to the store for her sisters boyfriend, and she got mad and said that i was ignorant because i went to the store. To me it sounds immature because she wasent even paying attention to me so why would she care if i went to the store. I came back and asked her in her room why she wasent paying attention to me and she said because i havent seen my friend all week and i wanna spend time with him. I found this to be ignorant and uncalled for i understand you want to spend time with your friends but she should at least give me some sort of attention. I decided to leave and she got mad too. One thing that bothers me is that shes always hugging up on her "friend" or messing around with him. what should i say to her or do to he:( lp solve this problem because i am sure i can find another girl who will give me attention but the problem is i like this girl alot. help is appreciated, thanks
whichwayisup Posted January 16, 2006 Posted January 16, 2006 She shouldn't be hanging out with this guy when you're there! And the guy should be backing off, realizing she has a boyfriend. I think you need to tell her how it makes you feel when you see her hugging him and spending alot of time with him. Ask her how SHE would feel if the situation was reversed. My guess is, she'd be quite jealous of you and another girl that was a friend. If you hugged another girl infront of her, or didn't pay attention to her...And even said, "I've not seen her all week and I want to spend time with her." Trust me, she would be PISSED. And upset. I think once she really sees the affect it's having on you, she'll hopefully back off from him.
Weye Posted January 16, 2006 Posted January 16, 2006 Decide for yourself whats allowed and whats not. Make sure she knows what you consider appropriate in a relationship. Right now she's showing you disrespect. If she keeps doing what she's doing dispite what you say, find a new girl.
amerikajin Posted January 16, 2006 Posted January 16, 2006 ...unfortunately, I think this might be a situation I'd have to see for myself to understand what's really happening here. First off, if she's been with this guy for ten years and nothing's happened, and they've got no romantic history, then you should just relax a bit. Try to forget for a moment that the guy is male - I know it's natural for us men to compare ourselves to other men in a situation like that, which is how the jealousy arises in the first place. But think of him as if he were a her, because based on the evidence it seems like they really are just friends. To the point, ask yourself if you'd be upset if she were with a female friend. My own gut reaction is that you're not getting involved in the conversation. Maybe you all don't talk about things that interest you that much but try to humor them and, where possible, see if you can't add something to the conversation. Now if you're doing that and she's just acting like you don't exist, then that's just disrespectful - regardless of whether her friend is guy or girl. One good technique you might want to use in any case is to start talking directly to the guy, just like a bud would to another bud. It's a good way to involve yourself in the conversation and you don't have to worry then about her ignoring you. She'll just respond to you the way you would in any three-way conversation. My point to this is, it seems like gender is irrelevant in reality but you might be making it more of an issue; however, it is totally possible that she is still ignoring you, and that needs to be addressed. I know that's a bit confusing but try to think about it a bit. I do know one thing: unfounded jealousy is a good way to get shown the door in a relationship - but quickly. Women do not dig jealous guys. It shows insecurity, which is something women don't want to see or hear about in the first six months of a relationship. Wait until after 6 months to show her you're actually mortal and have flaws and stuff...
Blackard Posted January 16, 2006 Posted January 16, 2006 One thing that bothers me is that shes always hugging up on her "friend" or messing around with him. Ok, time to step out of the politically correct nonsense zone. Yeah, I know everyone says it: "men and women can be friends", but its a crock of bull****. Does not happen that way and there is no way you can tell me, unless he is gay, that they have not messed around to some degree...and the evidence is dripping all over them. Let me ask you something. With her "girl" friends, is she alwasy ignoring you when they are around? Is she always "hugging on them" the way she does this guy "friend"? Don't answer, I already know the answer, and its not me who needs to know. Second, um, if you are dating, are you not suppose to be her male friend? My SO is all the "girl" friends I need, and I am all the "guy" friends she needs. WE are each others best friends. We are not together, THEN have someone else who is our best friend. That would be just a tad dysfunctional don'tcha think? Hate to say it but you could just be a prop being used in this twisted little fantasy game or hers so as to "get" her friend. Either way, ain't gonna work. Move on, save yourself ALOT of hassles.
amerikajin Posted January 16, 2006 Posted January 16, 2006 One thing that bothers me is that shes always hugging up on her "friend" or messing around with him. Okay, I admit that I missed this part earlier. When you say 'messing around', what exactly does that mean? I don't think they should really be hugging each other unless it's hello and goodbye, and that should only be a brief "Hello how are you/See you next time" hug, not an embrace.
Author alex434 Posted January 18, 2006 Author Posted January 18, 2006 messing around as in hitting one another , sometimes she will drink something and burp in his face, i also noticed that when im sitting on the couch with her she is usually not comfortable but whenever i get up she will take a pillow and put it on him and lay on him just nonsense bull**** i think in the back of my mind somethings up... We were laying in bed today and she was complaining that she was tired, then she said, is that him? and she jumped up and went downstairs to see him. ok... wtf? they didnt hug or nothing but im just confused and it doesnt just seem right to me at all im confused!
Defcon Posted January 18, 2006 Posted January 18, 2006 Drop her, she apparently dosen't want to be with you. If she spends more time with friends then you and you guys are in a so called "relationship" it is a relationship you do not want to be in. Sounds like she is just using you as a "trophy".
Author alex434 Posted January 18, 2006 Author Posted January 18, 2006 interesting comment trophy... hmmm.
amerikajin Posted January 18, 2006 Posted January 18, 2006 Okay, well you've clarified things a little. Yeah, I'd leave. I don't know if she's got something going on with this friend or not, but more to the point, she's not respecting her relationship with you. She acts like she could care less about how you feel one way or the other, so I don't see any point in hanging around.
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