3 Months dating and she won't kiss me

[az_cot]

On 10/11/2025 at 11:57 AM, Alvi said:

Is she from the culture where a woman is not allowed to touch (much less to kiss a man) before the marriage? Or is she ultra-religious? Does she has a very strict parents, who installed into her that she is not allowed to do anything sexual with a guy before she get's married? Or, perhaps, she is on a spectrum and doesn't "get" that you want more than just hanging out. If none of the above, she is simply not interested in you romantically. Talk to her and tell her how you feel and see how she feels about you.

That's great! End things with this woman and pursue these other options if you feel that things with this woman are going nowhere.

She is from the Caribbean.  Jamaica to be precise.  I had the talk with her that I was romantically interested.  Even after the relationship still didn't go into the direction I was hoping for.  After telling her I continued asking her out but she would come up with excuses why she can't go out.  The past week was final for me as I had been reaching out to her almost every day to tell her good morning and hope she have a great day but never got so much as a response.  I asked her a specific question about a trip she was taking to Canada 3 days before her trip and absolutely no response.  I stopped contacting her but the day after she arrived in Canada she text me to say good morning that the trip is going good. Nothing more. No sorry for the late response or lack of responses.  No answer to my original original question I asked.  Pure disrespect.  I didn't even respond back as I was totally done.  I am just going to take time for myself and not really think about dating anyone right now.

[glows]

This is the part where you have to read someone’s actions early on. At least now you know - don’t keep wasting your time and energy asking someone out when there’s virtually nothing in their behaviour which suggests she’s romantically interested. Avoiding physical intimacy is a huge sign someone isn’t interested or attracted to you. It’s good you are recognizing it now at least and have stopped trying to contact her.

[ExpatInItaly]

1 hour ago, glows said:

At least now you know - don’t keep wasting your time and energy asking someone out when there’s virtually nothing in their behaviour which suggests she’s romantically interested.

This. 

I don't see why you kept contacting her when she continued to dodge you, OP. It was already clear that she wasn't into you that way and you persisted. Don't do that to yoursel in the future. Sure, she could have been more direct in telling you she is not interested romantically, but many people have trouble being that upfront with someone when they don't want to hurt the other person. It's up to us read the room, so to speak, and pack up and carry on when we're not really getting anything back. 

3 hours ago, az_cot said:

didn't even respond back as I was totally done

This is for the best. This is a dead-end and there's no sense keeping any door open.  

[Alvi]

4 hours ago, az_cot said:

She is from the Caribbean.  Jamaica to be precise.  I had the talk with her that I was romantically interested.  Even after the relationship still didn't go into the direction I was hoping for.  After telling her I continued asking her out but she would come up with excuses why she can't go out.  The past week was final for me as I had been reaching out to her almost every day to tell her good morning and hope she have a great day but never got so much as a response.  I asked her a specific question about a trip she was taking to Canada 3 days before her trip and absolutely no response.  I stopped contacting her but the day after she arrived in Canada she text me to say good morning that the trip is going good. Nothing more. No sorry for the late response or lack of responses.  No answer to my original original question I asked.  Pure disrespect.  I didn't even respond back as I was totally done.  I am just going to take time for myself and not really think about dating anyone right now.

Oh, sorry to hear this. You went above and beyond to try to make it work with her. She is not interested. Don't waste anymore time on her.  Yeah, it happens. I think she should've been honest with you that she doesn't want to date you. Well, I guess, there is a lesson for all of us. If a person that you go out on a dates with doesn't want to kiss you that means lack of interest on their part.

[Tonk]

Hi, just wanted to add my thoughts (I realise this topic has more or less run its course). I met someone on a dating app who initially seemed to be quite enthusiastic, but after a couple of dates turned out to be pretty much the same. Basically no enthusiasm to return texts, make arrangements, or show anything in the way of romantic feelings.

It's been two and a half months now and although we meet now and then and she holds hands and kisses when I go to kiss her, there is nothing coming back. She does work very odd hours (shifts in a hospital) which makes it more difficult to meet, but it seems that she is totally ambivalent about everything. When I ask her about it she just says it's due to a bad 9-year relationship and she goes slow because of that. But there's slow and there's glacial.

I have directly asked about her interest and she claims that she is interested, and I made a joke about looking after a stray cat (!) who I look after in lieu of a girlfriend, and she got affronted and said she thought SHE was my girlfriend. She seems to know loads of people though and claims that it's impossible to keep on top of messaging everyone, so she doesn't message any of them. But right now in the early phase there is usually spark enough to want to reach out and communicate in the normal excitement of a new relationship.

Either she isn't interested, is using me as an insurance policy, or has walls up so large that it's never going to be worth it. The thing is though, I don't have anything else to do particularly. So I'm letting it tick over while I work on myself (weight) before I get back onto the app properly.

[Sony12]

3 minutes ago, Tonk said:

Hi, just wanted to add my thoughts (I realise this topic has more or less run its course). I met someone on a dating app who initially seemed to be quite enthusiastic, but after a couple of dates turned out to be pretty much the same. Basically no enthusiasm to return texts, make arrangements, or show anything in the way of romantic feelings.

It's been two and a half months now and although we meet now and then and she holds hands and kisses when I go to kiss her, there is nothing coming back. She does work very odd hours (shifts in a hospital) which makes it more difficult to meet, but it seems that she is totally ambivalent about everything. When I ask her about it she just says it's due to a bad 9-year relationship and she goes slow because of that. But there's slow and there's glacial.

I have directly asked about her interest and she claims that she is interested, and I made a joke about looking after a stray cat (!) who I look after in lieu of a girlfriend, and she got affronted and said she thought SHE was my girlfriend. She seems to know loads of people though and claims that it's impossible to keep on top of messaging everyone, so she doesn't message any of them. But right now in the early phase there is usually spark enough to want to reach out and communicate in the normal excitement of a new relationship.

Either she isn't interested, is using me as an insurance policy, or has walls up so large that it's never going to be worth it. The thing is though, I don't have anything else to do particularly. So I'm letting it tick over while I work on myself (weight) before I get back onto the app properly.

How soon or how long people are comfortable with intimacy is a compatibility issue. It's best to try to find someone who is on the same wave length as you regarding that stuff. You will be much happier that way and won't feel like you are wasting time/money on a situation you aren't happy with.

If she doesn't seem enthusiastic about intimacy either altogether or just with you than it really is best you two part ways. As the timing isn't right. It may be right in the future but it isn't now 

I once went on dates with a lady who was fresh off a divorce. She was willing to date but wasn't wanting to do much else. A year later she calls me up and we get together again. This time she was extremely sexual.

So whatever the case you two don't seem to be compatible at this point in time.

[Tonk]

Thanks Sony12, 100% correct.Told her over the weekend that it's not for me and we have gone our separate ways.

[Sony12]

3 hours ago, Tonk said:

Thanks Sony12, 100% correct.Told her over the weekend that it's not for me and we have gone our separate ways.

Good deal. I'm guessing she was probably having some of the same feelings you were having. Now you two can look for someone with similar views on sex.

In general most people who are comfortable with warly sex (or heavy fooling around) will often be having it by the third date. If you aren't wanting to wait too long for that I would use the third date as the barometer. Allow some time for people who generally do want to get to know someone a bit first but not so long that it begins to become pretty clear that the other person isn't wanting to be intimate for whatever reason.

Edited Monday at 11:29 AM by Sony12

[Sanch62]

9 hours ago, Tonk said:

Thanks Sony12, 100% correct.Told her over the weekend that it's not for me and we have gone our separate ways.

Smart move. You may need to grieve this for a while, and that would be natural. I don't agree with specifying a certain number of dates before getting sexual--that's a bit too rigid, IMO. But I think you've learned from this the importance of determining early whether someone's goals for dating align with your own, and observing whether she voluntarily expresses or responds to desires for affection and eventually more over time.

Thank you for updating us, and feel free to continue doing so.

[Tonk]

Thank you Sanch62 and Sony12 for the additional advice. I agree with what you say about finding someone aligned with one's own goals. It's always disappointing to have to let people go, she was attractive and smart and I will miss her. The strange thing was the way that nothing had developed at all even after almost 11 weeks and eight or ten dates. Her behaviour towards me was exactly the same at the start as at the end. I wasn't thinking of sex just a developing relationship and romance over time, but it seemed like Groundhog Day in many ways!

[Sanch62]

9 hours ago, Tonk said:

Thank you Sanch62 and Sony12 for the additional advice. I agree with what you say about finding someone aligned with one's own goals. It's always disappointing to have to let people go, she was attractive and smart and I will miss her. The strange thing was the way that nothing had developed at all even after almost 11 weeks and eight or ten dates. Her behaviour towards me was exactly the same at the start as at the end. I wasn't thinking of sex just a developing relationship and romance over time, but it seemed like Groundhog Day in many ways!

What did you tell her when you broke up, and how did she respond?