3 Months dating and she won't kiss me

[az_cot]

Hello,

There's a woman I met in church several years ago that I had been interested in.  We always had good conversation's with each other and I always wanted to ask her out but was a little hesitate because I was afraid of being rejected by her.  She was also going through some person things in her life so I thought the timing wasn't good either but I always messaged her to check to see how she was doing.   Well one day when I reached out to her to check in on her and we had a good communication.  She hinted if I wanted to hang out with her to let her know and I jumped at the chance and asked her out.  Well the first date went really well as we went to a concert in the park.  When I took her home I walked her to her door and she gave me a hug and went inside.  Now I didn't expect a kiss on the first date so I brushed that off.  Since our first date we have been going out regularly and communicating very often.  3 months into dating she still won't kiss me.  Not even a check kiss.  I am thinking what is up with that.  She hasn't even invited me inside her place.  I am thinking that she just doesn't want a physical relationship which is why she doesn't invite me inside but not even a kiss goodbye.  The most I get is the quick pat hug and she rushes inside.  I really don't know what to make of this as I have never experienced this in my life.  We are both in our mid 50's so I would think we are well pass that teenage awkwardness of dating.  I am use to being a relationship where we are affectionate with each other with kissing, hand holding, and hugging but I am barely getting the hand holding and hugs.  Am I making too much of big deal of this?  I appreciate any responses on this.

[Gebidozo]

I don’t quite understand, did you try to kiss her on the lips and she turned away or otherwise avoided the kiss?

If so, then of course she isn’t interested in you romantically. 

 

 

[az_cot]

Yes I did try to kiss her after the 2nd Month of dating but she subtly avoided it.

[Gebidozo]

Just now, az_cot said:

Yes I did try to kiss her after the 2nd Month of dating but she subtly avoided it.

I don’t know why you waited for such a long time to attempt a kiss, but either way, she made it clear you were just buddies.

[glows]

Nooo I’m afraid I agree with the above. I don’t think you’re dating Op 

Do you mind me asking what led you to believe you were dating? Have you both had any intimate conversations? Was there any discussion about exclusivity or being in a relationship?

[az_cot]

1 hour ago, glows said:

Nooo I’m afraid I agree with the above. I don’t think you’re dating Op 

Do you mind me asking what led you to believe you were dating? Have you both had any intimate conversations? Was there any discussion about exclusivity or being in a relationship?

The amount of times we have been out for 3 months.  I was going to talk to her about exclusivity.  I think it is the time to clear up where and who we are to each other.

[Alpacalia]

After three months of consistent dating, most people would anticipate some level of physical affection so she is either not viewing this as dating or she has too many walls up and neither are good. I would bring it up but don't lead with the not kissing part but rather to understand where she is at. I wouldn't try escalating any more physical affection given she's already brushed you off.

 

[S2B]

She’s not that into you. Any gal totally I to a man WANTS to kiss him and get physical. 
the fact that she’s avoiding it is showing she doesn’t intend for this to be anything further than being her buddy.

if it’s romance you want - date someone else.

[glows]

Seems a bit late for that and clear this isn’t romantic. If you feel it’s not too out of place you can ask per your last post. That’s up to you but it would appear left field or inappropriate tbh. Ie not reading the room

I think most might assume you’re just buddies already and nothing else. And why keep seeing her (if you have romantic feelings) and she won’t kiss you? The thing to do would be to just stop seeing her altogether and not ask her out anymore. 

[ShyViolet]

If there hasn't even been a kiss in 3 months, you are not dating.  You are literally just hanging out as friends.  She is not interested in you romantically.  

 

[Jack Frost]

On 9/8/2025 at 5:03 PM, az_cot said:

Hello,

There's a woman I met in church several years ago that I had been interested in.  We always had good conversation's with each other and I always wanted to ask her out but was a little hesitate because I was afraid of being rejected by her.  She was also going through some person things in her life so I thought the timing wasn't good either but I always messaged her to check to see how she was doing.   Well one day when I reached out to her to check in on her and we had a good communication.  She hinted if I wanted to hang out with her to let her know and I jumped at the chance and asked her out.  Well the first date went really well as we went to a concert in the park.  When I took her home I walked her to her door and she gave me a hug and went inside.  Now I didn't expect a kiss on the first date so I brushed that off.  Since our first date we have been going out regularly and communicating very often.  3 months into dating she still won't kiss me.  Not even a check kiss.  I am thinking what is up with that.  She hasn't even invited me inside her place.  I am thinking that she just doesn't want a physical relationship which is why she doesn't invite me inside but not even a kiss goodbye.  The most I get is the quick pat hug and she rushes inside.  I really don't know what to make of this as I have never experienced this in my life.  We are both in our mid 50's so I would think we are well pass that teenage awkwardness of dating.  I am use to being a relationship where we are affectionate with each other with kissing, hand holding, and hugging but I am barely getting the hand holding and hugs.  Am I making too much of big deal of this?  I appreciate any responses on this.

Well if it means anything u did meet her at the church that can explain the no kissing maybe she believes in marriage before engaging in any sexual activities ..Have u talked to her about it maybe, taking the next step ...

[ExpatInItaly]

I am quite sure she doesn't see this as dating, but just friends hanging out. 

She isn't interested romantically, man. It sucks but it's time to face up to it. 

[flitzanu]

if you haven't kissed in three months, it sounds like you're HER girlfriend, and not the other way around.

 

[Sanch62]

On 9/8/2025 at 11:10 PM, az_cot said:

I was going to talk to her about exclusivity.  I think it is the time to clear up where and who we are to each other.

You already have your answer on this. The only thing left to do is decide whether you still want to keep hanging out with her as buddies, and if so, whether she's willing to pay her own way on that while you start seeking a romance with someone who's into that with you.

I hope you haven't been picking up the whole tab on these outings. Platonic friends are reciprocal or split bills evenly.

Edited September 18 by Sanch62

[az_cot]

On 9/13/2025 at 11:17 PM, Jack Frost said:

Well if it means anything u did meet her at the church that can explain the no kissing maybe she believes in marriage before engaging in any sexual activities ..Have u talked to her about it maybe, taking the next step ...

No we hadn't talked about it but I do think it is time.

[az_cot]

5 hours ago, Sanch62 said:

You already have your answer on this. The only thing left to do is decide whether you still want to keep hanging out with her as buddies, and if so, whether she's willing to pay her own way on that while you start seeking a romance with someone who's into that with you.

I hope you haven't been picking up the whole tab on these outings. Platonic friends are reciprocal or split bills evenly.

I have but nothing really expensive.  I have been having this feeling about the whole thing and think we should talk more about it. 

[stillafool]

I would just come out and tell her that you don't feel she is interested in you romantically because she avoids your advances and then tell her you are looking for a romantic partner not a platonic friend.  Therefore, you don't feel that you two are on the same page and should stop seeing each other.  Are there any other single women at your church that are dateable?  You might be surprised that if she finds out you're interested in someone else she may change her mind about you.

[Sanch62]

16 hours ago, az_cot said:

I have but nothing really expensive.  I have been having this feeling about the whole thing and think we should talk more about it. 

Do your own gut check first and get clarity about what you want to accomplish with such a talk. Really be honest with yourself. Are you holding a hope that this talk will prompt her to say that turning down your attempts to be physical are just a misunderstanding, and that she really has a desire to kiss you and be physically affectionate and have sex?

Decide what you will do in the likely the outcome that she's just not interested in physical affection or getting sexual with you. From there you'll be able to operate in your own best interests instead of just agreeing to go along to get along in that moment. Get clear about what YOU really want, and that will guide your discussion.

[az_cot]

6 hours ago, Sanch62 said:

Do your own gut check first and get clarity about what you want to accomplish with such a talk. Really be honest with yourself. Are you holding a hope that this talk will prompt her to say that turning down your attempts to be physical are just a misunderstanding, and that she really has a desire to kiss you and be physically affectionate and have sex?

Decide what you will do in the likely the outcome that she's just not interested in physical affection or getting sexual with you. From there you'll be able to operate in your own best interests instead of just agreeing to go along to get along in that moment. Get clear about what YOU really want, and that will guide your discussion.

Yes that is the plan.

[az_cot]

10 hours ago, stillafool said:

I would just come out and tell her that you don't feel she is interested in you romantically because she avoids your advances and then tell her you are looking for a romantic partner not a platonic friend.  Therefore, you don't feel that you two are on the same page and should stop seeing each other.  Are there any other single women at your church that are dateable?  You might be surprised that if she finds out you're interested in someone else she may change her mind about you.

There are other women that seem to express interest.

[Sanch62]

10 minutes ago, az_cot said:

There are other women that seem to express interest.

Great! I hope you will pursue them. If you opt to play buddies with this lady, I hope you'll significantly reduce the time you invest so you can prioritize finding the kind of loving, affectionate relationship you want and deserve. Nothing against buddy-lady, but c'mOn.

[MsJayne]

53 minutes ago, Angelina Harriet said:

Being a Phycologist

FYI "psychologist". Just for future ref  

[Sony12]

Probably 95% of people will be kissing by the second date if they are interested in the individual romantically. Well over half will kiss on the first date.

You are spending far too much money and time on someone who is still refusing to kiss months into dating. In situations like this where they are still going on regular dates and having regular conversations but still refusing to kiss them after months. I almost think in situations like that they might be in the closet.

Edited October 7 by Sony12

[Gaeta]

I agree with the others. She's not dating you, she's hangning out with you. Who pays for all those outings? She's not letting you in because she think it's going to mislead you to think it's more than hangning out.

Like you said you both aren't teenagers anymore so tell her you are romantically interested in her, if she does not feel the same then move on. You waited way too long to address this, it should have been addressed after 30 days max. 

[Alvi]

Is she from the culture where a woman is not allowed to touch (much less to kiss a man) before the marriage? Or is she ultra-religious? Does she has a very strict parents, who installed into her that she is not allowed to do anything sexual with a guy before she get's married? Or, perhaps, she is on a spectrum and doesn't "get" that you want more than just hanging out. If none of the above, she is simply not interested in you romantically. Talk to her and tell her how you feel and see how she feels about you.

On 9/19/2025 at 6:13 PM, az_cot said:

There are other women that seem to express interest.

That's great! End things with this woman and pursue these other options if you feel that things with this woman are going nowhere.