My girlfriend gave me HSV-2 and then lied about it - now she's begging me to stay

[Beutto]

I'm 34 and I've been dating a woman (28) for five months - we became official about a week ago. I met her at the end of March this year at a bar/club. We immediately hooked up and started seeing each other. 

Initially, we’d do something together once or twice a week, and after one month, she told me that she’d deactivated her Hinge account even though we weren’t in an official relationship. 

Over the next three weeks, we went on two nights out and drank heavily, and on both occasions I went home (with her) feeling highly disrespected by her behaviour. I won’t go into the details, it’s too long-winded, but afterwards I had the feeling in my gut: “This isn’t right - I need to let go of this woman.”

But I didn’t.

I kept dating and sleeping with her, and within a week, we both broke out in savage HSV-2 symptoms at the same time. I assumed she’d given it to me at first. I’d never had an STD in my life of any kind, so it had to be her. But then I discovered that HSV-2 is something that could be caught and lie dormant in the body for up to 2 years before symptoms arose, so it seemed that I could have got it from someone else and had it for a while - and given it to this woman, and possibly others in my recent past. 

When she came over to discuss the outbreak with me, it was clear that we were in the same boat. She was experiencing it for the first time too, and she claimed to have only slept with three people this year, including me. Neither of us could be sure which one gave it to the other, so there was no blaming or shaming - we just accepted that we didn’t know and carried on seeing each other. 

Fast forward to a week or so ago. Our relationship finally became official 5 months after seeing each other, and within a matter of days, she confesses that she gave me the HSV-2. 

She told me that she’d slept with another guy (who she met on Hinge) multiple times over the course of a month, and that when she told him about the symptoms, he essentially admitted that he had given it to her.

Her confession has caused me a lot of pain because I trusted her on this issue. She allowed me to worry that I might be responsible for 3 and a half months. 

What also really stings is that she had already deactivated her Hinge account when we first started dating, but after spending more time with me, she decided to reactivate it. It’s clear now, after our latest conversations, that she felt something was missing, and needed someone else to feel alive. She doesn’t say that explicitly but that’s the obvious subtext. 

The disrespectful behaviour that had arisen in our earlier days also started to make sense. She had a more stimulating option on the go, and could afford to risk losing me. 

Anyway, I told her in person last night that I couldn’t trust her anymore; that it’s virtually impossible for me to excuse her behaviour and return to normal. Not just because she lied, but because I also feel like I’m being settled for. When she had options, she was reactivating Hinge to find something more stimulating. Now that she has HSV-2 and the dating scene is more complicated for her, suddenly I’m the prize. 

She was absolutely devastated when I said I couldn’t see a way forward - she was crying, endlessly apologising and begging me to stay. I was upset but kind, and I held my ground reasonably well. 

She’s since been texting me huge messages, attempting to explain how much she loves me, how sorry she is, and everything else.

I’ve yet to give in, but it’s incredibly difficult to say goodbye in an absolutely final way. I love her and I want to be with her. I keep trying to find excuses. I keep watching YouTube videos hoping that someone’s going to make me realise that this is salvageable. My heart says “stay” but my head says “leave, immediately”. I’m struggling to see how I can have a healthy relationship with her now.

Is staying insanity? Is it possible to get back on track in a situation like this without destroying your self-respect? What are your thoughts? 

Thank you for reading this. 

[glows]

Generally when someone tells you they deleted a dating app/s it means they’re looking to be exclusive with you. Unfortunately she likely didn’t communicate this directly and the lead up to the 5 months of dating became very confusing, probably very hurtful too. When she finally thought she was safe around you in a relationship she disclosed that she had to manipulate you to get to that point. I agree with you that it’s disrespectful that she lied and manipulated you. 

Do you see her differently and unable to see a future with her? You say you want to be with her. If you don’t feel the same way about her it’s kinder to cut contact and either mute/archive the text convo or block altogether in order to heal and go your separate ways. Staying in contact is usually not healthy at this point if you’re going separate ways.

[smackie9]

Too late now but, when it comes to sex you trust no one and get tested before the condom comes off. Can never trust a person's word. This chick made a dbag move, careless with not using protection, without any care for protecting others. Ditch the b&%CH