Is he serious about me?

[Jo198339]

I'm 42 years old woman and I've been on 3 dates so far with a 48 year old man I met online. The 1st date we met for coffee and talked for 2 hours. All in all we got on really well. He then asked me back to his place. I said that was ok but I wouldn't sleep with him, with this he said he was fine with that. Passionate kissing happened but that was all it was. A lot of the time he just  spent time stroking my hair and kissing my forehead, appearing like he was being really affectionate. He said at one point that me and him 'felt right 'He talked a lot about wanting to see me again and how he was looking for a connection with someone. We both agreed at this point to meet up again for a 2nd date. We went on that 2nd date 5 days later where we went out for a meal. At the end of the meal we went for a walk, kissed and cuddled, then he asked me back to his place. I politely refused saying I had to get home. He seemed ok with this  and we agreed on a 3rd date. A week later we went out on a 3rd date, again for food but this time after the date he didn't ask me back to his place but yet again we kissed and cuddled for a while and held each other. While he was holding me, there was a point where his hand slipped down to my private area. I told him to go steady which at this point he stopped doing it. He then said he had to go home so we eventually let each other go. After all 3 of these dates he always tells me to text him to make sure I've got home safe. We agreed on a 4th date in the near future. Do you think this guy is genuinely interested in a relationship but just gets a bit lost in the moment,  or is he just saying all these things hoping to get me into bed.

Edited September 7 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
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[smackie9]

Isn't is obvious? of course he's looking for sex. Even tho this sounds old fashioned, a true gentleman wouldn't be asking you over at his place, and he most certainly would give it time before putting his hand down your pants. You have to tell yourself you are better than this and move on. 

[Alpacalia]

1 hour ago, Jo198339 said:

I'm 42 years old woman and I've been on 3 dates so far with a 48 year old man I met online. The 1st date we met for coffee and talked for 2 hours. All in all we got on really well. He then asked me back to his place. I said that was ok but I wouldn't sleep with him, with this he said he was fine with that. Passionate kissing happened but that was all it was. A lot of the time he just  spent time stroking my hair and kissing my forehead, appearing like he was being really affectionate. He said at one point that me and him 'felt right 'He talked a lot about wanting to see me again and how he was looking for a connection with someone. We both agreed at this point to meet up again for a 2nd date. We went on that 2nd date 5 days later where we went out for a meal. At the end of the meal we went for a walk, kissed and cuddled, then he asked me back to his place. I politely refused saying I had to get home. He seemed ok with this  and we agreed on a 3rd date. A week later we went out on a 3rd date, again for food but this time after the date he didn't ask me back to his place but yet again we kissed and cuddled for a while and held each other. While he was holding me, there was a point where his hand slipped down to my private area. I told him to go steady which at this point he stopped doing it. He then said he had to go home so we eventually let each other go. After all 3 of these dates he always tells me to text him to make sure I've got home safe. We agreed on a 4th date in the near future. Do you think this guy is genuinely interested in a relationship but just gets a bit lost in the moment,  or is he just saying all these things hoping to get me into bed.

A guy that is serious about dating you wouldn't ask you back to his on a first date.

[glows]

Do you see yourself in a relationship with a guy who tries to cop a feel that early? It seems to have made you feel uncomfortable and you told him to stop or “go steady”. I think you know you don’t trust him already and have reservations about his character.

Try to reflect more on what you want to see in a partner. Less on what he is thinking about you. You are putting yourself first as opposed to centering your thoughts around what he thinks or wants. You’re the active participant as opposed to the passive one. What do you want? What do you see for yourself? What do you see in him? What value does he bring to your life? And so on. 

[landlocked]

He's being very pushy with you sexually, which is a bad sign whether he's truly "looking for a relationship" or not. He's no inexperienced 20 year old getting ahead of himself. He's pushing on your boundaries to see what you'll tolerate. He would be no different with any other woman, and would be no different as a partner. I imagine if things got serious, he'd be the type who takes the opportunity to cop a feel whenever you're at the sink washing dishes. If that's not what you're up for, I'd move on.

[Gaeta]

I agree with the others. I online dated a few years and when a man was serious about getting to know me he kept his hands to himselves and concentrated on booking fun interesting dates! 

I came across an insane amount of men looking for a relationship but jumped on the opportunity to have sex with anyone until then. Once they meet "the one" you bet they act like gentlemen.

Even if you said there would be no sex he knew in the heat of the moment there was a chance for you to change your mind. He's looking for sex under the disguise of wanting to date.

* does he contact you often

* does he take interest in your life

* does he ask you what you like

* does he make plans ahead of time

* does he give you his prime time

* does he talk exclusivity 

[ShyViolet]

Any guy who asks you to come back to his place on the first date.... I think he's showing you what his priorities are, and it's not a serious relationship.