How do I get over this quick?

[Anonymous]

I flew out to a state that I might be moving to visit it and also visit my family. The man I have been talking to for a few months lives in that state. We have never met in person; our communication has been through phone and FaceTime calls. We recently started talking again after some time apart, but about two weeks ago, he got upset because he was giving me hotel suggestions, and I wouldn’t tell him which hotel I was staying at.

After I arrived, he learned I was in town through my social media stories. He asked me why I hadn’t informed him I was there. It’s important to note that this trip was for me and my family, and me and him we had just had an argument two weeks ago, so I wasn’t expecting to see him. He then questioned me about being around other men while I was there, asking me if I was in other guys faces when I went out, the night before. Eventually, we met, and we went to a very upscale restaurant. He was very handsome, and everything felt natural with a mutual attraction and a lot of chemistry. He was shocked by my appearance, couldn’t take his eyes off me, and gave me many compliments. There was a lot of physical contact, and he kept kissing my hands.

He took several pictures of us together and even suggested that I take a picture of his arm to show that I was with a man. Knowing I had to leave the next day, he proposed that I stay an extra day, offering to pay for my flight and everything. I declined because of work commitments, and the trip wasn’t intended for that.

To summarize, I ended up sleeping with him. The experience was intense and passionate, with a lot of eye contact and kissing, multiple rounds, he kissed all over my feet. It was ver passionate for it to just be a hookup. We were intimate for most of the night. Afterward, he became very affectionate, cuddling with me, wanting me to stay the night, and even rubbing my cramps. My instincts kicked in, and I decided to leave for my hotel. He texted me the next morning to ask how I was feeling etc 

I don’t expect much, if anything, from this situation. I live in another state, and there wasn’t a solid foundation between us to begin with. My feelings are somewhat involved due to the intimacy we shared. He ofc texted me the next day and couple days after that, but the conversations were very casual, no talks about what happened. He’s been silent since Tuesday, I recently posted a photo of me on social media and he commented with bear eyes.
 

So a lot of mixed signals.
I realize that my actions were not very wise or safe, and I’m feeling confused about how to move on quickly. I would appreciate any advice or thoughts on his behavior or mine???

[Gebidozo]

Unless you had unprotected sex, I don’t think there was anything unsafe or unwise in your behavior.

It seems like you had a lovely romantic adventure with that guy. You both clearly enjoyed it. The question is, what are your feelings for him?

Long-distance relationships are notoriously difficult to pull off. Do you feel it’s worth a try?

[Janechrissy]

13 minutes ago, Gebidozo said:

Unless you had unprotected sex, I don’t think there was anything unsafe or unwise in your behavior.

It seems like you had a lovely romantic adventure with that guy. You both clearly enjoyed it. The question is, what are your feelings for him?

Long-distance relationships are notoriously difficult to pull off. Do you feel it’s worth a try?

What do you think of his behavior far ? 
 

 

[Gebidozo]

1 hour ago, Janechrissy said:

What do you think of his behavior far ? 
 

 

Well, he is obviously attracted to you, but anything beyond that is impossible to tell, unless you ask him directly.

[Acacia98]

2 hours ago, Anonymous said:

So a lot of mixed signals.
I realize that my actions were not very wise or safe, and I’m feeling confused about how to move on quickly. I would appreciate any advice or thoughts on his behavior or mine???

Honestly, it sounds like the mixed signals are coming from you.

The guy obviously likes you. Admittedly, I feel his interest is over the top. I wouldn't be comfortable being on the receiving end of that type of attention. Having said that, I wouldn't allow him to know a lot about me, including the fact that I would be in his area.

So I'm sitting here wondering why you encourage him in subtle and not-so-subtle ways and then turn around and push him away. If you're not interested in him, that's fine. But be consistent about showing that and shut the door on your communication so that he can eventually move on.

[Janechrissy]

On 9/6/2025 at 2:26 AM, Acacia98 said:

Honestly, it sounds like the mixed signals are coming from you.

The guy obviously likes you. Admittedly, I feel his interest is over the top. I wouldn't be comfortable being on the receiving end of that type of attention. Having said that, I wouldn't allow him to know a lot about me, including the fact that I would be in his area.

So I'm sitting here wondering why you encourage him in subtle and not-so-subtle ways and then turn around and push him away. If you're not interested in him, that's fine. But be consistent about showing that and shut the door on your communication so that he can eventually move on.

He hasn’t contacted me in dayssss but has watched and commented on my stories.

[MsJayne]

Sounds like he was sincere. If you're interested in him and you're planning on moving to that state what's the problem?

[Janechrissy]

1 hour ago, MsJayne said:

Sounds like he was sincere. If you're interested in him and you're planning on moving to that state what's the problem?

How if he hasn’t contacted me 

[Gebidozo]

2 hours ago, Janechrissy said:

How if he hasn’t contacted me 

Why are you waiting for him to contact you? Contact him yourself. He’s already shown you very clearly that he’s interested. You are the one who’s been ambiguous. He’s probably thinking that you aren’t interested in him.

[glows]

You seem hesitant at how physical it became when you just met for the first time and don’t have much foundation(ie dating in person and spending time in person) to start with before being physically intimate. I’m guessing you felt unsafe because you slept with him on the first date barely knowing him at all. If you went over to his place and barely knew the guy yeah I’d say that’s not the safest. It doesn’t sound like you slept much and went back to your hotel because of instincts and I’ve felt that way before simply because I didn’t know the person well enough and felt more comfortable sleeping by myself, not unconscious beside some stranger. 

This guy probably needs to show who he is in person/date in person and you both won’t be able to do that until one of you moves. Expecting him to keep contacting you only sounds like you’re liking the attention etc from talking long distance but he doesn’t actually check off all your boxes or you don’t know that yet. 

Frankly I’d let things cool off until you can date and feel more comfortable dating in person in order to have that foundation that may make you feel more at ease. Who cares whether he texts you or not. It’s not real and false intimacy when you know you’re not getting to know someone in real time. Give yourself a reality check and a good shake. It was fun but this isn’t likely something you seem comfortable with at this time given the distance. 

Edited 19 hours ago by glows

[glows]

Oh and him insisting on knowing which hotel you were staying at when you haven’t even met for the first time(at the time) is irritating and none of his business.

Also pestering you and accusing you of seeing other men when you haven’t even met and there is zero exclusivity is a red flag. Way too much too soon, monitoring and controlling and none of his beeswax. 

You might want to ask yourself why you’re drawn to this type of attention. 

[Janechrissy]

13 hours ago, glows said:

Oh and him insisting on knowing which hotel you were staying at when you haven’t even met for the first time(at the time) is irritating and none of his business.

Also pestering you and accusing you of seeing other men when you haven’t even met and there is zero exclusivity is a red flag. Way too much too soon, monitoring and controlling and none of his beeswax. 

You might want to ask yourself why you’re drawn to this type of attention. 

Why was he taking pictures of us? Especially if all he wanted was sex apparently 

[basil67]

1 hour ago, Janechrissy said:

Why was he taking pictures of us? Especially if all he wanted was sex apparently 

Souvenir?  He might get a pic with every woman he sleeps with

[glows]

2 hours ago, Janechrissy said:

Why was he taking pictures of us? Especially if all he wanted was sex apparently 

I’m not too sure what you mean by this post. What makes you think he was taking pictures? I thought you said you don’t have much foundation and don’t communicate much now. So how do you know what he wants?
 

[Janechrissy]

39 minutes ago, glows said:

I’m not too sure what you mean by this post. What makes you think he was taking pictures? I thought you said you don’t have much foundation and don’t communicate much now. So how do you know what he wants?
 

He pulled out his phone during our dinner and took selfies of us together. He also took pictures of us together at his house 

[Alpacalia]

5 hours ago, Janechrissy said:

Why was he taking pictures of us? Especially if all he wanted was sex apparently 

Don't you view taking that many pictures for a first meet is a bit over the top? 

[Janechrissy]

13 minutes ago, Alpacalia said:

Don't you view taking that many pictures for a first meet is a bit over the top? 

My point…. Why was he doing that