My ex gf of 10 years broke up with me

[Anonymous]

My ex girlfriend recently broke up with me.

My ex-girlfriend recently broke up with me about 6 weeks ago she came down one night from bed and was crying her eyes out and said I love you but I don’t love what you are basically. We had even booked a family holiday a week prior with her family. We were together for 10 years — from age 14 to 24. basically our entire life, We grew up together, shared so many firsts, and experienced so much. Every birthday, every holiday, every milestone — we were side by side. We knew each other inside and out, and we were part of every aspect of each other’s lives. We met each other’s families, got close to them, and built deep bonds. It genuinely felt like we were meant to be.

 

At the start of this year, we even bought a house together, and I got a dog — something that was her idea and a symbol of building our future. She wanted to create a life together, a home, and she hoped that by taking these steps, it would help us grow even closer. For a long time, before my habits got in the way, we were inseparable. We did everything together, shared almost every day, supported each other in everything, and had dreams we talked about constantly. I truly believe that in those years, we were as close as two people could be. We rarely argued and there was never any betrayal or abuse or anything like that.

 

But over the past one or two years, I lost focus. I wasn’t prioritizing the relationship the way she needed. I was smoking a lot of weed, constantly out with friends, always eating out, spending too much money, and not thinking about our shared future. I still loved her more than anything, but I wasn’t showing up in the ways that mattered. She tried to talk to me about it multiple times, but eventually she didn’t know what else to do. She loved me, she still cared, but she had to end it.

 

Even after the breakup, she’s seen my friends about for example the gym she goes to and she’s said that she’s focusing on herself right now and can’t see herself with anyone else at the moment. She’s also said that her parents wouldn’t be against us getting back together if she was happy, and that her dad loves me — which I know made her happy as she values him a lot. 

Since we split, I’ve done a lot of reflection and real change. I’ve completely stopped the habits that were hurting us and realised the weed was the main cause for all of this I’ve started focusing on building a stable and responsible life, and I genuinely feel like a different person — the version of me who can’t go back to the old ways. I’m working on being more present, emotionally available, and consistent. 

 

I still love her deeply. She’s all I want. And while part of me aches, I know I need to grow for myself first, not just for her. I’m trying to navigate this difficult space between hope and acceptance, understanding that I can’t force feelings, but I can become the person she would see as ready for a long-term, healthy relationship. 
 

Her sister got married recently and I know this is what she wants marriage kids a family and this all I want aswell but it was pushed to the side by my habits.

is this something that can be fixed can we get back together. Will she look elsewhere for this now or can we rekindle what do you think ? 

[Anonymous]

Further to this she kept reiterating she wanted to leave it on good terms which she did. I’m not blocked anywhere is this a sign of hope

[Gebidozo]

People very rarely stay in love with and stay together for life with their first partner.

A relationship that started between two 14 year old kids had very little chance to last 10 years to begin with, let alone last forever.

People change a lot during that time, they basically grow up and only begin to understand what they want from life. Even at 24, most people are still figuring things out.

I don’t think you should harbor any hope to get back together with her. I think this relationship has run its course and you should move on. You have a great opportunity now to start dating and gain some experience. You’re still very young and there will be plenty more romance and love in your life.

Edited 11 hours ago by Gebidozo

[MsJayne]

Well, it's good to hear that you woke up and changed your habits, that's positive. Not so good to hear that your ex had to dump you because you were treating her like a schmuck. She may come back one day when she sees you're committed to permanent change, or she may not, it depends on how far out of love she'd fallen. If she broke up with you because she was so angry at you, there's a chance she still cared enough for it to work out in the future, but if she broke up with you because she started to see you as an immature and self-absorbed jerk, there's not much hope. Once a partner sees you as a liability, somebody who has a cost but who adds no value, it's usually over. 

 

 

[Easyjet25]

5 hours ago, MsJayne said:

Well, it's good to hear that you woke up and changed your habits, that's positive. Not so good to hear that your ex had to dump you because you were treating her like a schmuck. She may come back one day when she sees you're committed to permanent change, or she may not, it depends on how far out of love she'd fallen. If she broke up with you because she was so angry at you, there's a chance she still cared enough for it to work out in the future, but if she broke up with you because she started to see you as an immature and self-absorbed jerk, there's not much hope. Once a partner sees you as a liability, somebody who has a cost but who adds no value, it's usually over. 

 

 

Thanks for your reply. Why would she give hopeful signs to my two best friends saying things like who knows in the future and I can’t see myself with anyone else? She’s also not blocked me on anything and kept repeating that she wanted to leave it on good terms because who knows in the future? We still live in the same area so our lives are pretty close knitted. I know that she’ll be thinking about marriage/kids soon so if she can see I’ve really changed my habits why wouldn’t she try with me again?