Woman Abruptly Ended Things

[dzw683]

I met this woman via a dating app about a month ago. On date 1 it was very clear that we had a connection. We even extended the date to get some drinks and then ended up back at my place for sex which we connected well on as well. We had a 2nd date that also went great. We had dinner and kissed for quite a while then I left the country for 10 days. When I came back we went on our 3rd date it was like no time had passed at all. The connection was strong and after our date we went back to her place to have sex. Date 4 she planned everything and insisted that she pay. Another great date that ended in kissing but we had work in the AM so we went our separate ways. Date 5 I took her out. Had a great time, ended it making out outside for a good 20 minutes. 

During all of these dates, we never ran out of things to talk about, it seemed like our values aligned for short and long term, and we felt free to open up about ourselves. We were holding hands and even just sitting in parks lying on each other after the planned dinner/activity for the date had ended just talking about life. After a few of these dates we'd go back to my place or hers and have sex. 

The day after the 5th date she called me and asked what I was doing so I invited her out. We spent the night playing board games at my friend's bar and then went back to my place. We had great sex again for hours on end.

We had both been tested and were both free of STDs so we had started to not use condoms. The next morning while lying in bed I told her that I'd like to start to discuss becoming exclusive and what that would look like for us because I didn't think it was smart to have sex like that if there were other partners. She said she's not there yet but she's not being intimate with anyone else. I said I was disappointed on that front but I understood and that we could revisit later. She thanked me for bringing it up. We had more sex and then laid in bed for a about a good hour. Whole time she's laughing and kissing me and lying on top of me. She gets dressed and we go upstairs and she falls on the couch and pulled me down and laid with me some more before she had to leave to go see her friends. Before she leaves she asks if im free on a specific time and date to watch movies at her place. I say yes and we add it to the calendar. Before she gets in her uber she kisses me again.

3 days later I get a text saying that she reflected on our time together and while she enjoyed it, something doesn't feel right long term and that in her gut she's not sure we're right for each other and she thinks this is what's best for now. We get on the phone and talk and she keeps talking about how she needs to step back and she feels like she's going to regret this in a few weeks. Even asks if she can text me if she ever watches the movie we were supposed to watch. The phone conversation was mature and we had a few laughs/good convo like we always do. She said I was the most emotionally mature person she's ever met and she wishes she could be as open as me and that she hopes this isn't the last time she ever talks to me and then we said our goodbyes.

I'm fairly certain me asking to make this exclusive scared her away even though she said I asked the right question (she never directly said "no this didn't scare me away"). Normally if it doesnt work out after a month of dating I just shrug and move on but this one felt very different. The connection, chemistry, communication etc was overall strong. Wondering if anyone else has ever been through anything similar or may have any insight on what's happening here?

 

[Sony12]

In most cases when things are as sexual as you described in your post either one or both individuals are just looking for sex.

On the bright side she definitely enjoyed the sex with you or else she wouldn't have had it with you multiple times.

[ShyViolet]

I know you think you had a strong connection with her, but don't lose sight of the fact that this is a woman you dated for only a month, which is nothing.  You can't actually get to know someone on a deep level in that short of a time.  For whatever reason she decided that you were not a match.  Maybe she met someone else.  These things happen in dating.  You just have to not dwell on it too much and move on.

[basil67]

Ending a relationship after just a few weeks is more common than not, as you're still very much in the 'getting to know you stage'.   

What concerns me is that you were having unprotected sex with someone who was not exclusive with you    Always have the discussion about exclusivity before you ditch the condoms!  Yes, this may mean a month or two with protection, but it's better than the alternative!

[Gebidozo]

No matter the intensity of connection, one month isn’t enough to get to know a person and decide for sure that you’re compatible. I don’t think you did anything wrong by asking her about exclusivity, but it’s clear that she wasn’t going that way. Either she wasn’t interested in a long-term relationship to begin with, or she figured the connection between you two wasn’t strong enough to warrant starting one. 

This kind of thing actually happens a lot, it’s quite normal. One month is a typical timeframe for a romantic adventure, which may or may not grow into something more serious. In this case, it didn’t, so you should move on.