witabix Posted January 15, 2006 Posted January 15, 2006 This a letter I have written to my ex, its fairly self explanatory. I am going to shower and go out and put it through her door. Any advice? ******, I am typing this letter out so that I can keep my thoughts organised. This is not a sign of disrespect. Your note stated that you are not a liar, and that you did not have an affair. I will refrain from using emotive language or words as much as I can. I am not interested in pointing out other peoples faults, either real or imagined. I am responsible for what I think and feel. I will explain what I think and feel, and why I do. If you are not interested please throw this letter away now. When I try to understand the world around me and the people in it I can only work with observable and measurable phenomena. I saw you act in a certain way. I talked to you about I how understood what you where doing. I made it clear what I was talking about. I made it clear I was uneasy. I did this on numerous occasions. You seemed to listen to me. You did not change your behaviour. You explained why you did not change your behaviour. You heard me say something I did not say. Amongst all the things I did say it seemed you could only hear what you wanted, regardless of whether I said it or not. When you suddenly start to question me about my female friends, given the context of what had passed between us, it clearly looks like a hidden agenda. I now understand that you were pushing me back in a direction you knew I would be uncomfortable with, namely continuing your friendship with a male on your terms only, based on the fact some women were looking at you and another woman went for a cigarette at the same time as me. The clincher for me was the statement you made “If the situation were reversed you would not be happy”. That is a verbatim quote of what you said. I asked you how anything that has happened was similar in anyway? You have still not been subjected to the sight of me offering my cheek to a woman in a public place to be kissed. You have still not been subjected by me to sitting at home while I arranged dates with another woman. You were never called up to meet me when a date with another woman fell through Where are the similarities? What have you done that equates to what actually happened? When did your friend turn up and hug you with their arms, while I sat next to you? At what point did I witness your friendship in action? What were the words you used to describe your friendship? You said he wanted to talk about his frustrating work, why do you agree to go to football matches and music gigs if you want to talk to someone. I have asked this before, are you aware that there was never an answer. Why would someone who wishes just to talk about frustrations at work send a text on Christmas morning asking to meet up sometime? How if, as you say you never contact him, was such a message ever going to propagate a meeting? That simply makes no sense. It is clear he felt happy letting you know he wanted to meet you and that you would reciprocate by letting him know where/when, but of course I could not do that could I? I had to endure hours of hanging around waiting for you to finish your business before you found the time to come to me. If I had sent you such a message you would probably have never found the time. I had to insist! I had to insist that we set times, I had to set the time. He doesn’t, he can just fire off a text and you will come a running. Please do not insult my intelligence. Observable and measurable phenomena, why start to question me now, after over a year about other women? Indeed why? So that you can feel better about something you are planning on doing? So that I feel guilty about something? So that I will back off when my girlfriend is asked out on dates by another man who has a mysteriously amorphous girlfriend or is gay? Where are the facts? I do not know, that is a fact, and the truth, I simply do not know what is going on, and I never have. I accuse you of nothing, I accuse myself of being blinded by my emotions and letting my heart rule my head, of believing you were saying something you simply did not say, of constructing a mythos in my head about what you were doing. The facts are right in front of my eyes. I have to had to construct much of it myself, that much is true. That will always be the case when I am not in possession of anything concrete. You send back the gifts I gave you. That is clearly meant to hurt me. You hit the spot. I am not ashamed to admit to you once again that you hurt me. What am I supposed to do with them? What on earth do I do with them? Why would you do that? There are tears in my eyes, are you smiling? I hope you are. I hope you care as little as your actions once again demonstrate. How can I have been such a fool. To give so much love and understanding and to receive the gifts I bought for you back in a brown envelope. I guess that says it all really. This makes me so sad. I will not reciprocate this action. You have wounded me again, and I am bleeding once more, thank you for the lessons you teach me. I will be stronger in future.
Art_Critic Posted January 15, 2006 Posted January 15, 2006 No...... no letter... she is an abusive woman and this letter will just boost her ego. No.......you wrote it but don't give it to her... At the very least sit on it for a week or so 1
lilmoma1973 Posted January 15, 2006 Posted January 15, 2006 A_C i agree with you a letter to that b@@ch will not be a good idea at all!! Bad bad idea Witabix leave her be don't give her the satisfaction of her knowing how hurt you are...
Author witabix Posted January 15, 2006 Author Posted January 15, 2006 Just had my shower. Hands are still shaking, but I feel ok. Ok AC and Lilmona, I respect your views, I think putting the letter up on the web was a good idea, because in a way it does deliver it to her, and the rest of the world. I will not give her the satisfaction. You are right. Reading your words gives me strength. Thank you so much.
Art_Critic Posted January 15, 2006 Posted January 15, 2006 whew........... Sorry you are hurting so...
lilmoma1973 Posted January 15, 2006 Posted January 15, 2006 Just had my shower. Hands are still shaking, but I feel ok. Ok AC and Lilmona, I respect your views, I think putting the letter up on the web was a good idea, because in a way it does deliver it to her, and the rest of the world. I will not give her the satisfaction. You are right. Reading your words gives me strength. Thank you so much. Your welcome !! So glad you changed your mind.. That is the closure you needed ..
Author witabix Posted January 15, 2006 Author Posted January 15, 2006 LOL, hurting? I would have preferred someone to stab me than find a brown envelope with the gifts I had given her just lying on the floor when I went to my laundry! Whow! Get a grip here Witabix, get a good grip. Thanks again AC and Lilmona.
lilmoma1973 Posted January 15, 2006 Posted January 15, 2006 LOL, hurting? I would have preferred someone to stab me than find a brown envelope with the gifts I had given her just lying on the floor when I went to my laundry! Whow! Get a grip here Witabix, get a good grip. Thanks again AC and Lilmona. I am sorry you are in so much pain ,and trust me been there before you will get over it!! Someone else will come along sooner than you think and you won't even remember her..
Author witabix Posted January 15, 2006 Author Posted January 15, 2006 Losing here again. Want to go around and stuff her crap back down her throat, figuratively that is of course. Want her to know how much pain I am in. God help me, this so f***ing hard... Out of my mind, and don't know what to do.
Becoming Posted January 15, 2006 Posted January 15, 2006 Whoa, Wit! I missed something evidently. Geez, I'm sorry this is happening to you. Feels like someone has torn out your heart and tap danced on it with 4" spike heels? I wish there were some device like a cup for male genitalia that we could all use for our hearts in times like this. But there isn't. The hurt means you're alive and capable of love. Otherwise, you'd just be bitter. Good for you that you've decided to end this and not take whatever crap she's giving you. You're a word person, so letters are your thing, I suppose? I agree that you need to sit on it at least overnight. There may be some things you want to say in a letter you will send, but this is probably a rough draft. I wouldn't rehash everything--just say sorry this can't work and thanks for the good times you had. That way you can at least go forth with your head held high and your dignity intact to find healing for your wounded heart. I'd put the letter in the same brown envelope with the gifts and tell her they were gifts, which means they're hers to keep, no need to return anything; you gave freely with no strings attached. If she no longer wants these things, she can throw them away, but they're hers, not yours. I wouldn't let her know how badly returning them hurt you either. Protect your heart. You wouldn't go stand in front of a big truck that hit you last week. Why would you expose your heart to someone who's wounded you without expectation of more of the same? You don't need to wall your heart off, of course, but once someone has proven that they'll come inside and rape, pillage, and plunder, you pull up the drawbridge! If you send it at all, I'd keep the letter brief, rational, and polite, like a thank you note to an elderly aunt for a chartreuse scarf she knit you for Christmas that you have absolutely no need of now. No matter what she's done to you, you are a man of honor and dignity (even if you want to hunt her down and choke her right now!). We're here for you.
Author witabix Posted January 15, 2006 Author Posted January 15, 2006 I am a man of honour, and my honour demands of me that if I need to stand in front of the truck I will. i do not flinch from pain or hurt. I will walk through the storm because I know I will survive. I have dignity and respect. For myself too. The final conflict approaches. I stand ready. I am not afraid. I will take what comes my way and overcome. I am going to her now, this will end here. No anger, or tantrums, no aggression, no histrionics. Just me.
Becoming Posted January 16, 2006 Posted January 16, 2006 Ok, forget honor. Just go sing the blues till the cows come home. Then you won't have to worry about the insomnia. And yes, a relationship that's not mutual overall (there are times, sure) isn't good. And you deserve good.
LN8840K Posted January 16, 2006 Posted January 16, 2006 be glad the spawn of satan has left your life.
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