beentheredonethat2 Posted January 15, 2006 Posted January 15, 2006 I've never revealed this whole thing to ANYONE, not family or friends, because it's just too embarrassing to say I tolerate(d) this relationship. Okay, to start, I'm 7 months pregnant with his child, he has one of his own and I have an 8 year old. We are single parents who met because our kids played together in the apartments, moved in together to save money (since we pretty much lived together anyway). That was early summer last year, after 6 months of dating and living across the hall from eachother. Ok now the abuse chronicles. First of all, he was the resident manager so he had a master key to all the apartments, including mine, so I never quite felt alone even in my own place. I started putting powder by the door at night to see if he was actually sneaking in while I was sleeping. He found the powder, said that was very clever, and the cat was out of the bag so I couldn't use that approach again. At around the same time, he would erase numbers from my cell phone, call ex boyfriends and male friends to alert them that they should not contact me, that I was "engaged" etc. He shoved me several times, once into a shower as hard as he could. I had lots of bruises. The odd thing is that he wouldn't let me meet his friends, family, and was reluctant to leave his cell phone out and was generally sneaky. Right before we started to move in together I found out he had been talking to his ex the whole 6 months, driving her to work, etc. He told me she was just an old lady he was helping. He started taking my panties and sexy clothes and hiding or destroying them, even ripped them off me. He broke my $90 hair straightener, threw my computer across the room, erased files from it, etc. Then the move in. Promised he was done with the ex, but I had big doubts, but i figured if he was letting me move in he might be turning around. Wrong. He called me bitch, whore, cunt, drug me around the house by my hair, locked me out half-naked, threw my keys at me, ripped clothes off my body, poured a gallon of milk over my head, and once a bottle of vodka. I had then been forced to sleep in my car, hair reeking of vodka, bruises, and a cracked windshield, and had to go to work the next day like that. He knows my weaknesses and plays them like a fiddle, however I have never allowed him to affect my self-esteem, or change my mind about what I deserve in life. I guess I just kept looking for a new apartment for 3 months, but didn't find anything affordable. Now I am staying at my mom's and he only shows up to check and make sure my car is there and calls just to make sure I'm doing miserable as always, and if I sound happy, he leaves sappy messages and tries to come overj--until he's got me in tears again, then leaves me alone. It's been 4 days at my mom's and I met this really nice 50 something woman who will let me rent a room in her home within walking distance from my son's school. She says I can move in tomorrow, and I can't wait to be in a place where he can't drive by and check on me or make me upset. Just need some encouragement to get through this last day because I know he will be scoping me out by driving by etc. Help!!!! Sorry so long
lilmoma1973 Posted January 15, 2006 Posted January 15, 2006 He is controlling and abuse ..You are pregnant and he is doing this to you he can go to jail !! Get out and don't look back .. Move far far away ,that man doesn't deserve to be a father...Go to a shelter and take a restraining order out !! Take action immediately before things get worst !! good luck and if you need some one to talk with pm me
tinktronik Posted January 15, 2006 Posted January 15, 2006 Take out a restraining order immediatly!!!! This guy is a freak. Do you really want your child around him?????Change your cell number so he cant call anymore.Youve got to lose this guy.He sounds dangerous.
lilmoma1973 Posted January 15, 2006 Posted January 15, 2006 Take out a restraining order immediatly!!!! This guy is a freak. Do you really want your child around him?????Change your cell number so he cant call anymore.Youve got to lose this guy.He sounds dangerous. Exactly Tink he is indeed a freak and she needs to lose all contact as you said ..This child deserves better than this !!
Author beentheredonethat2 Posted January 15, 2006 Author Posted January 15, 2006 Tink and Lil, Thanks for the confirmation, I already knew I needed to go like 4 months ago, but it's difficult because he would either draw me back in with promises BEFORE I could get settled into the idea of a new apartment and a new life. But now, I am so incredibly hurt and angry that I can't even see him for five minutes, and could NEVER be intimate with him again, so that makes it easy even when I feel weak. All I have to do is hear his voice or see him and I'm filled with disgust. Good news: I went and introduced my son to this lady, and (the phone's ringing...it's him...ok i'm not answering it) she is SO nice. The place we will be renting is online if you want to see it, it's sooooo beautiful and peaceful. IT's at Madison.craigslist.com under rooms/roommates called "Light-filled UW/VA flat". I'm so excited about it and gotta tell someone When you're in an abusive relationship, you tend to be isolated from support, friends and family, so you guys are my support today! Thanks so much
lilmoma1973 Posted January 15, 2006 Posted January 15, 2006 I understand that ,and noone is judging you at all just saying you don't need to be in this situation .. You never know till you are in someone else's shoes!! That is great you found a place hope it works out for you .. Yeah you can't have support cause poeple will judge you and that is understandable. Now you have support here on LS ,we will be here for you anytime!!
Author beentheredonethat2 Posted January 15, 2006 Author Posted January 15, 2006 When you lose something, whether it's bad or good, you go through stages of grief... What are the stages of grief? And how do I know how far along I am in them?
quankanne Posted January 15, 2006 Posted January 15, 2006 Been – look into the local battered women's shelter for ideas on how to start over after being in a situation like that. You've got rights (as does your child) to live peacefully and without fear of being attacked, hurt or disturbed by a rat-b*stard like that. Contact the police and put a restraining order against him, and save all messages (phone or written) he's left so you can build a harassment case against him. You've got the power within you and around you to put an end to this harassment, you just need to figure out what tools you possess or have access to so you can do this, and a women's shelter can give you the best answers, since this is what they're designed to do. Good luck with the new living situation, just be sure to tell the landlady (in a short but accurate depiction) of what this guy is doing, that way she'll be forewarned and fore-armed. hugs, quank
Author beentheredonethat2 Posted January 15, 2006 Author Posted January 15, 2006 Thanks Quank, I have been advised quite a few times to get a restraining order, by people here at LS but also by family and friends. My hesitation is that he only feels he can abuse or control me if I am in his home with no one to see what's going on. But when I stay at my mom's he's scared to death to leave a message, visit, etc. If my car is off the street he won't leave notes or stuffed animals, etc. This is his tactic to get me back to his house. This new place he won't know about, he can contact my mom all he wants, he won't actually talk to her, he'll just try and leave things on my car. The only reason he calls right now is because he knows my parents are on vacation in New York. I do love the idea of building a case by saving messages and things he leaves on my car like that stupid valentine elephant. I will start that right now, rather than screen my calls and erase the messages. Thanks so much for the advice!!!!
Becoming Posted January 16, 2006 Posted January 16, 2006 Beenthere--I feel this need to encourage you to move using someone else's car or taking whatever precautions you need to so that he can't follow you when you move. I, too, am very concerned about your safety. This guy's nuts. I agree 110% with all of the above posters. Build a case against him by recording everything that he's put your through. It might also help with the grief so that you can get it all out, look at it, and then re-store it, finding in the process that you, too, will be restored. That's my prayer for you during this transition! Sounds like Someone's watching out for you with that room that came through! May blessings in your new place abound.
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