Found out my husband was cheating , should i leave ?

[mariahred501]

I feel like my whole world just flipped. I found out my husband’s been cheating, and it’s the kind of pain you can’t really prepare for. For the longest time I kept doubting myself, thinking maybe I was just being insecure. Then one night I was watching a video on YouTube where someone was talking about Netgrivox and how people finally got clarity in situations like this. I didn’t think much of it at first, but some of the things i saw on his phone  really made me realize I wasn’t imagining the signs. Once I let that sink in, everything started to add up—the lies, the excuses, the distance. Now I’m torn between walking away or trying to see if there’s anything left to rebuild.

[BaileyB]

2 hours ago, mariahred501 said:

Then one night I was watching a video on YouTube where someone was talking about Netgrivox and how people finally got clarity in situations like this. 

Huh?
 

2 hours ago, mariahred501 said:

I’m torn between walking away or trying to see if there’s anything left to rebuild.

Do you have a remorseful husband who is committed to doing whatever is required to keep his marriage?

There is nothing to rebuild without this…

[mariahred501]

1 hour ago, BaileyB said:

Huh?
 

Do you have a remorseful husband who is committed to doing whatever is required to keep his marriage?

There is nothing to rebuild without this…

 That's a fair question, even if he acts remorseful, how do i know it's not acting?

[BaileyB]

If you can’t tell that he’s sincerely remorseful, you should file for divorce. 

[stillafool]

2 hours ago, mariahred501 said:

 That's a fair question, even if he acts remorseful, how do i know it's not acting?

You'll know when you see him actually doing the work to make this up to you.  Has he suggested counseling to get you two back together?  That lets you know he's serious.  What is he doing?

[BaileyB]

Is he even aware that you know?

[mariahred501]

I just confronted him and he is not even saying anything other than he is sorry, no explanation. He keeps ignoring me when i ask about the conversations i saw through netgrivox and even reconfirmed it on his phone. I need explanation because saying sorry is not enough.

[BaileyB]

In other words, he shows no remorse or concern for your feelings. 

[S2B]

You may want this moved to the infidelity section.

this section is for the other woman and other man. (The one he he is cheating with)

[mariahred501]

11 minutes ago, S2B said:

You may want this moved to the infidelity section.

this section is for the other woman and other man. (The one he he is cheating with)

OH I see! How do i move it?

[S2B]

Ask the moderators to have it moved.

[Will am I]

I believe that recovering from infidelity has more to do with the intent of both parties going forward than with whatever happened in the past.

From his side, you would need to see two things:

 

* looking back - genuine remorse

(that is: him hating what he did and the kind of person he had become. it's not: him hating the fact that he got called out for it)

 

* looking forward - a desire to go forward with you as his one chosen partner

(that is: finding back his commitment to you as a person. it's not: insecurity about future relationships or the fear of ending up alone)

 

The big red flag that canceld out any good intentions is this: the absence of taking responsibility, which is usually expressed by trying to shift some blame on you. If you ever hear this sequence of 3 words from his mouth you know where you stand: "yes, but you".

 

 

Finally you are also a factor in the success or failure. The thing you'd need to find in yourself is this: are you truly willing to leave the infidelity behind and move forward? Do you actually want this person to be your partner in the future? Are you willing to change the dynamics of the relationship away from something that derailed into something new and better?

This is not judgement or victim blaming. it's a mere observation that the betrayed spouse has a moral highground over their partner. Moral highgrounds are sweet to hold onto, but ultimately they will stand in the way of success.

[MsJayne]

Depends on whether you own half, (or any), of the house you live in. If you do, then no, don't leave under any circumstances, not until the divorce settlement is final. If he's cheating perhaps he'd like to leave, that would be a preferable situation because you'll have enough emotional grief to deal with without the hassle of finding a new home and moving your stuff. It doesn't sound like there's children involved, (?), so there's no reason to put up with it. I have no idea what Netgrivox is, (neither does Google), but a refusal to discuss questionable conversations on social media, (if that's what it is), is enough reason to pull the plug. 

[ms.stressed]

I seperate to see how I feel. If I can't feel 100% right, I leave it alone.