Author illdthedj Posted January 17, 2006 Author Posted January 17, 2006 trust me, they stomach pumped up to 100 sleeping pills out of her. she either took them in the car before comming to my house, or in my room before i woke up...she definately was NOT bluffing when she said she took those pills. Okay she meant to do this BEFORE she was with you. Can you be 100% sure she wasn't just bluffing when she said she took those sleeping pills? You said: she then came back 2 hours later, and i guess in the course of the 2 hours, went to a drug store and bought 3 bottles of sleeping pills. she had taken a total of 100 sleeping pills before seeing me I doubt she was really wanting to commit suicide. You said "I guess" what does that mean? That you took her word for it? If you want an answer I need to know the whole story. waiting *with deep empathy but equal challenge*
skeptik224 Posted January 17, 2006 Posted January 17, 2006 I actually dated someone who threatened suicide when I broke up with her. She used to cut herself and had some emotional problems to say the least. She was actively in therapy but therapy won't work if you aren't going to do the work that goes along with it. Anyway, when it took a few times to break up with her. I tried to do it face to face, but it didn't work. (this is all over about a weeks' timespan) She called me one night with a gun to her head...cocked and ready to go. I convinced her to meet me. Together, we went to the local hospital, and she admitted herself. I called her parents to have them meet us as well, but she refused to let them go with her to the hospital. It took everything out of me, but for her emotional well-being, I had to walk away - walk away forever. I'm sure there was a lot more to the story than she told me, but if I hadn't walked away, I would have hurt her in a much more powerful way than anyone could imagine. If people want to commit suicide, they can. When they tell people they are going to do it that's their cry for help. I learned a lot that year - about her, about me and about life.
beentheredonethat2 Posted January 17, 2006 Posted January 17, 2006 Okay Dan, now I see the whole picture. This note thing will not work. If you feel compelled for some reason to speak to her, however do it in writing. She meant to do it, she took 100 pills. Sounds to me this would have happened to her whether it was you or if you never met her, someone else. She is reaching out to you for validation that her life means something, but as you and I and everyone else who's posted to this subject know, you can't live vicariously through someone else, which she has wrongly done to you. Her life means something only if SHE thinks it means something, and until she defines that meaningfullness herself, she is going to be nothing but a burden *no offense* on everyone she knows. She probably doesn't see this though. Please let us know if she gets out of the institution, we will help. No contact k? It's best for her. Best of Wishes and comfort
clandestinidad Posted January 18, 2006 Posted January 18, 2006 she is going to be nothing but a burden *no offense* on everyone she knows. She probably doesn't see this though. I guarantee that she KNOWS she's a huge burden on everyone. She probably feels like she cant do anything right, ruins everything, and everyone would be happier without her around. She might think she's doing everyone a favor by leaving this world....then she wouldnt be so 'awful'.....at least thats what I used to think......and the 2 males I knew that killed themselves were the exact same way I really wish people would stop thinking that suicidal people are doing it b/c they are selfish and trying to manipulate people into things. Its not selfishness, in the sense of 'well, i dont want him/her to leave so I'm going to hurt myself so he/she stays'....its more 'i hate myself, why cant i do anything right, why doesnt anyone love me, the world would be better without me in it, etc' I noticed a couple posts came across as saying she was being manipulative, or just wanting the attention/reaction, and wanted to say that its usually not the case. When they dont die, it IS a cry for help....but not for attention
Author illdthedj Posted January 18, 2006 Author Posted January 18, 2006 wow....man, it seems like what you've been thru is allot like what im going thru right now. Did she end up ok? did she move on, and work on making herself better? it would be nice to know if theres a possibility she'll enventually learn how to be happy and love herself....i can only assume shes miserable right now, locked up in psyche ward.... on goes my NC with her.... I actually dated someone who threatened suicide when I broke up with her. She used to cut herself and had some emotional problems to say the least. She was actively in therapy but therapy won't work if you aren't going to do the work that goes along with it. Anyway, when it took a few times to break up with her. I tried to do it face to face, but it didn't work. (this is all over about a weeks' timespan) She called me one night with a gun to her head...cocked and ready to go. I convinced her to meet me. Together, we went to the local hospital, and she admitted herself. I called her parents to have them meet us as well, but she refused to let them go with her to the hospital. It took everything out of me, but for her emotional well-being, I had to walk away - walk away forever. I'm sure there was a lot more to the story than she told me, but if I hadn't walked away, I would have hurt her in a much more powerful way than anyone could imagine. If people want to commit suicide, they can. When they tell people they are going to do it that's their cry for help. I learned a lot that year - about her, about me and about life.
beentheredonethat2 Posted January 18, 2006 Posted January 18, 2006 Kat, Having not threatened suicide, you would be the expert. However, people I've been involved with who threaten it usually don't mean it. I think everyone thinks about it from time to time, what would it be like, etc. But to actually pursue it, do it, no. I don't have advice and Kat seems to know what she's talking about Dan, so in terms of real suicide, she is the person to ask. I only know about threats.
Becoming Posted January 18, 2006 Posted January 18, 2006 If you do decide to send her a brief note, do it while she's still in the hospital where she can get help. Then nothing . . . ever . . . ever. But if all has been said that you needed to say to end it, then let it be. You did absolutely all you could. This is a hard lesson to learn. You're not Superman or Messiah. You're just another human being doing the best he can under trying circumstances.
SanityRocks Posted January 19, 2006 Posted January 19, 2006 A lot of people have had the unfortunate experience of having an ex threaten or "attempt" suicide after a break up. I've been through it a few times. Honestly, this is a manipulative tactic. When begging fails, crying fails, screaming and hating you fails, hitting you fails, new promises fail, apologies fail, seemingly sane discussion fails, and trying to act like you don't care fails...suicide attempts are the only thing left for unstable people who won't just walk away. It's just a way to make you feel bad for them, see how much they love you, and invoke your "let me take care of her" feelings. It's a nasty game. Sure, she attempted, but she attempted in front of you, in your room, where you WOULD catch her and get her some help so that she didn't really have to die. My feeling is that if she really planned on ending her life, she'd have done it in her own house, in her own room, where no one could have stopped her. It wasn't a suicide attempt...it was a manipulation. You'll have to learn to not fall for that. That's how thse types do it. I had one that would cut his wrists in front of me. At first it horrified me because I thought "my God, he really wants to end his life over this"...but you know what? What ended up standing out even more was the fact that he never cut deep. Think cat scratch. And he never did it when he was alone (he had his own house and lived by himself) when, if he really wanted to die, he could have successfully killed himself with no intereference. He was putting on a show. He did the cutting when all his attempts to get me back just weren't going his way. When I just didn't care about anything that he was saying, and my feelings weren't being swayed. It was after he'd tried everything else: again, crying, begging, "i love you", "i hate you", apologies, rational discussion, "I don't care"...and it all failed. That's when the cutting started, and it was always very superficial. It's just a form of manipulation. I can't say it enough. Worst case scenario: she kills herself. Honestly, it's not your problem. That's the reality of the situation. Sure you care about her on some level - perhaps many levels. She doesn't deserve to die. She's obviously not well. She's obviously desperate. All of the above are absolutely true. But you can't be expected to take responsibility for those things. Assuming she's an adult, her mental status/problems are her own responsibility, and so is whether or not she stays alive. If she's ill, she needs to choose to get better by getting help. In the meantime, you cannot spend your life staying with this person that you don't want to be with, who is abusive toward you (by the way, manipulation - a very important tool for every abuser), who manipulates you, and who brings so much stress to your life. Again, she's not your responsibility. If you don't want to be with her and you don't want to be abused, then you have to leave her. You have your own life to live, your own love to be had, your own stress to deal with. This can't go on forever. If you're truly worried, then get into contact with her family and let them know the deal. Let them know that you're cutting all contact with her and won't have anything to do with her any longer. Let them know that she appears to be suicidal, and/or quite unstable, and that they should keep a very close eye on her, and also get her some help. Let that good friend of hers know as well - the one you call when she goes crazy. Tell her to pass it on to all of her friends and family. That's all you can do, as far as I can see. You have to live your life.
grace2005 Posted January 19, 2006 Posted January 19, 2006 Isn't it illegal to threaten suicide especially if it becomes obvious that she's doing it to manipulate him into coming back?? I think it's a felony in some states to threaten suicide as a mind game.
grace2005 Posted January 19, 2006 Posted January 19, 2006 I don't think a restraining order would work to keep her away from you. The fact of the matter is that women can usually get away with stalking & harassing their exs. Have you ever seen the movie "fatal attraction"? The stalker in that movie was a woman. The law is tougher on male stalkers and harassers than it it on female harassers. Seriously a restraining order won't work. That will just provoke her to harass you and show up at your property when she gets out of the institution. She can get away with vandalizing your property too. She will test the limits & see how much she can get away with harassing you
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