Do women ever think back on someone they regret hurting?

[coolfool21]

I am trying to not be too ashamed of how I am feeling, but I must admit that I do feel a bit low. 
 

I’ve been thinking about a girl that I was seeing a long time ago. It’s been years. My rational part, my brain, doesn’t want her or even wanting to ever speak to her again, but I have this painful reminder of those times. Let me explain: 

She was the one that pretty much came onto me, we met during college, and it felt like sort of like high school romance, innocent in a way. One thing let to another and she told me she had a crush on me, that led to us talking a lot, going out for lunch whenever we could, being around each other all the time. It started off really nice. She told me she felt a lot of attraction towards me many times throughout, and she often needed validation from me that I liked her back as much as she did, which I did. In short, it was a really intimate emotional bond, and it felt easy being around her, as if I had known her for years. But it ended in the worst way possible. 

I cannot explain everything in this one post, but she broke things up (to me, it felt sudden or abruptly) via text, while I was away on vacation, I was also waiting to know if I had cancer or not and she knew this. All because she was in love with someone else. She even said a really nasty thing to me after i told her I was gonna get checked for cancer. Obviously, I was devastated because I really liked this girl. I liked her a lot. 
 

Fast forward a few months down the line, we are back at college and I see her evading me, she changed jobs because I presumed that she didn’t want to be near me. I knew she was anxious around me. The first time we speak face to face after the breakup she starts tearing up. She apologized for being “an a**h***,” and told me I didnt have to forgive her (which I did because i knew i needed to do it for myself). She also also asked concerning if whether or not i had “it,” (cancer) to which i said no. I later texted her, thanking her for the apology. She said she meant to do it a lot sooner, she felt a lot of regret, she didnt feel regret our time together because i meant a lot her, but that she knew she hurt me a lot and that is what she regretted. Even then, she still felt a lot of anxiety around me. She didn’t want to start something again, and I said the same, she replied, “now i know.” It was never a smooth conversation between us. Even after that apology. I still felt a lot for this girl even after all this but I knew it wasn’t going to be careful easy talking to her. I knew she needed space and I needed to get away from that school. It was a very emotional time for me, filled with the worsr anxiety Ive ever felt in my life. I didn’t know I could feel this much for a person back then. I forgave her because it was mostly for me, but part of me knew that it was also for her. At the time, I still wanted to remain friends because she felt like someone so easy to talk to, like a friend I never had growing up. 
 

Fast forward a few months from that and I was diagnosed with psoriasis. It was so bad I had to quit school, and also because I knew she was going to be there (dumb i know), but i did finish eventually. I know my psoriasis came from the anxiety and the way I reacted to this situation. It’s almost poetic, because the first time I spoke to her face to face after the breakup, I had a rash on my face and a nasty infection in another part of my body (that i didn’t know was psoriasis at the time). She picked up on the “rash” I had on my face but I didnt know what it was. I just said it was a rash. 
 

many years later, i still have this psoriasis and it sometimes serves as a reminder of that time, many years ago,  in my life. I wanted to share this because i feel… i feel a bit ashamed even though i try not to be too harsh on myself for what I feel and remember. I remember a lot and I know I wont fully forget this ever, but because lately i have been thinking of her I want to ask women something: 

Do you ever think back on an ex that you hurt? Maybe an ex that your regret hurting (not to say that you necessarily want to get back together, but that you regret hurting)? I guess what im asking is if you think it’s possible for her to still even remember me?

i hope i made some positive difference in someone’s life, i guess. She told me i didnt have to forgive her. She basically told me to eat her up alive (“you can yell”), and that i was a better person than she was after forgiving her. like I said, this wasn’t a very long connection to her, and on paper, I should not remember or want to remember her, but it was a very emotionally intimate connection that we shared at some point. 
 

please share your thoughts and opinions 

[ShySoul]

First, sorry about your condition. I hope you can manage it and it doesn't cause you too many issues.

Second, I'm a male but I'm hoping some of my experiences can help you out.

First women I ever told I had feelings for was a confusing situation that lasted months. It was back and forth with us each admitting to loving the other but she could never fully commit. She abruptedly called it off only to get engaged to someone else within a month, and then married to him a month later. We fought when she messaged me with the news and didn't speak for four months. She then came back and did just what your girl did. She admitted she had been terrible and was sorry. She realized I had no reason to believe or forgive her. But she did miss me and our friendship. And she admitted I had been right and that her marriage was a disaster. We spoke again a few months after that and she had been thinking about me.

Similarly, my brother was in a relationship for four years with a woman who ended up cheating on him. She also came back later and was sorry for hurting him. 

Most people are good at heart but can make terrible mistakes. We all hurt people at times. Most of us regret it and feel sorry. I also think once someone is in our heart, a part of them stays there. We think back to them from time to time and wish things could have been different. We feel bad about the bad things that happen and smile thinking of the good times. Even after everything, I'm glad I knew that one woman. I still think about her, even though I know we weren't supposed to end up together. And I really believe that she sometimes thinks of me, even if I'll never be able to prove it.

She was an important part of your life and for a time you were happy. It's not wrong to remember that. It's not bad to think fondly of her, or at least parts of her and what she meant to you. Being able to do that is actually a very mature thing to do. As long as you don't get hung up on wanting to be with her again (and I don't think you are), then you are doing okay.

[Lotsgoingon]

I reject the premise of the question. Breaking up with someone is not "hurting" them. Breaking up and the possibility of breaking up--the reality that we date (especially in college) to learn and to figure out who would be a good partner--is all part of dating. 

Hurting would be violence or lying or repeated cheating or threatening.

You got some deep codependent thing going on. And look, you're selling yourself short. She decides you're not for her-skin condition or no--you move on to a more appropriate partner, someone who treats you well with whatever condition you have. You're stuck in the "I'm hurt" as an injustice type of thinking.  You're treating her as if she was a parent that abandoned you. A parent does have a responsibility. Love partners prioritize themselves--as you should as well! 

Your note tells me you need to get out there and date and meet people and you'll find someone who will push this ex to the far corners of your brain. You let this one experience define you. You can't do that in life.