Is this enough evidence?

[DeniseB]

I don’t fully trust my partner as I have caught him in lies in the past and we’ve done counseling before and tried to move forward. He recently got a vasectomy and during that time we used condoms twice and still have a box in our drawer. He went on a one day trip out of town and I’m sure he took performance enhancement (p.e.) items from the drawer but no condoms. After he got back, I noticed a ziplock bag with lube, 2 packs of ‘p.e.’ and a piece of condom wrapper in drawer. I look in that drawer frequently and am 99.9% positive this baggy was not from us as we haven’t taken any trips recently and all p.e was in box last I checked. None of the condoms we’re missing but I also found 2 packs of p.e. In a book bag he may have taken on trip. We had a talk about this before when I found p.e. In his car and I told him that’s was not acceptable to keep those items in his car (he claimed it was for us). Since his trip, He has been super nice, helpful, and in good mood. Things def feel off from how he had been before. It is so hard to pretend I I haven’t been keeping a close eye and I don’t want him to think he got away with whatever he did. Is this enough proof to conclude he was cheating? Of course he’ll deny if I ask and prob be better at hiding in future, so if I confront, I want to be sure it’s the right amount of proof. 

Edited Sunday at 08:40 PM by DeniseB

[Gebidozo]

3 hours ago, DeniseB said:

I don’t fully trust my partner

Then break up with him.

A relationship is not a crime fiction story. It’s not about finding evidence, it’s about trusting each other. If trust is broken, evidence won’t matter either way.

[DeniseB]

Guess I should mention we are married with kids. If we weren’t, I would have left a long time ago. 

Edited Monday at 12:32 AM by DeniseB

[Gebidozo]

13 minutes ago, DeniseB said:

Guess I should mention we are married with kids. If we weren’t, I would have left a long time ago. 

In my opinion, you should still leave.

Nothing good will ever come out of being together with a person you’d rather not be together with.

No amount of hiding and pretending will shield your kids from the atmosphere of mistrust and resentment, which will cast a huge shadow over their lives as they grow up,

[MsJayne]

I think when your gut tells you there's something wrong there usually is. I'm confused by what you call PE, are you talking about Viagra? If he's taking Viagra when he's not with you I'd be 99% sure there's something going on, but outside of that a few items in a drawer aren't really evidence even if you feel they are because you know the person's habits. You obviously don't feel you can trust him despite the counselling, etc, so you probably need to think about what you would do if you actually had hard proof that he was unfaithful. Would you divorce him or would you just accept it and be in a miserable marriage? In your shoes I'd probably keep my suspicions to myself and start doing a bit of quiet sleuth work. 

[DeniseB]

In my case, the p.e. are things similar to viagra to make a man last longer (honey supplements and body wipes to desensitize) again, there is no other explanation for why these things are being taken out of the house after we’ve had that conservation. I know this is no way to exist in a marriage but I would feel better about leaving if I had hard proof of cheating (for religious reasons to justify divorce). 

Edited Monday at 01:58 AM by DeniseB

[ShySoul]

See my response to your other thread. You don't need to justify or find evidence. He has repeatedly lied and broken all rust. If you can't work together and he won't address the issues causing problems, then you have tried all you can do. His unwillingness to cooperate is all the justification you need.

[JessB]

I think your gut is right so I would say keep your eyes open & don’t let yourself be taken advantage of for long. I’ve been on a situation where I saw red flags and let them be explained away, because when someone is lying they can be so good at making stories sound realistic and make you feel like your going crazy. I’d check the phone, bills & emails to know more. But prepare yourself, it can be a painful reality check. I’m sorry you feel this way. 

[DeniseB]

I confronted him and asked about it. He couldn’t answer why he took those things out of the house - said it was from a trip we took but I know it wasn’t. I asked if he’d be willing to show me his phone and then in a split second, he became loud angry and said “f*** it” I’m done. I’m not gonna be interrogated continuously bc of something that happened 10 years ago. He said he was moving out. I stayed calm the whole time and tried to talk. He finally calmed down but the damage is done. How dare he tell me he’s done when I’ve given so many chances and had so much patience. It’s crazy. And the way he repeatedly said I’m done, def made me think he has someone else - bc to throw our marriage away over this confrontation is crazy. I’m his wife, and I should be able to question him if stuff don’t make sense.  

Edited 12 hours ago by DeniseB