Scared I'll let my anxiety ruin my relationship

[yaya5]

I've been with my girlfriend for a year and a half. We're now in college together and since I have a single dorm we're basically living together now. We love each other very much and she is nothing but affectionate and considerate to me. That being said, I have OCD and just am an anxious person in general and so sometimes I get very nervous over things that are normal. She doesn't text me back for a few hours and I start to think it's because she plans to break up with me (even when I know she is out and about doing stuff.) She says she's in a bad mood or whatever and I think the same thing (even when I know something else happened that probably is what made her upset.) An important thing to know about our situation is that a few months ago we were separated for 5 or so weeks because my anxiety led me to constantly spam her with texts, and ask her if she still loved me, if she is still happy with me, etc. etc.. That is an oversimplification of the situation but it's what's relevant for this story. Basically after we got back together it took a few weeks for me to get the trust back but then it was great for a while. There's pretty much only been a few hours at a time infrequently where I have these worries. However for the last 3 days I've had them and they've been very consuming and I'm scared that I will allow these anxieties to ruin my relationship. Does anyone have advice?

[DeniseB]

If she hasn’t expressed anything negative or trust is not broken, etc….You may benefit from therapy and learning how to redirect or channel that energy. It helps me bc I’m an anxious person in general and sometimes I have to catch myself from spiraling thoughts. Another thing that would help is a hobby. Occupy yourself with things that make you happy outside of your partner. 

[ShyViolet]

It sounds like you very much have clinical OCD and anxiety that greatly affects your life and your ability to have relationships.  What are you doing to treat your mental health struggles?  You need to be doing the work to get these disorders treated, whether it means being under the care of a psychiatrist, therapy, medication, etc.

[Sanch62]

23 hours ago, yaya5 said:

...a few months ago we were separated for 5 or so weeks because my anxiety led me to constantly spam her with texts, and ask her if she still loved me, if she is still happy with me, etc. etc.. That is an oversimplification of the situation but it's what's relevant for this story.

Okay, so you've already noticed that she's had enough of this. Are you working with a counselor to get this under control? 

[smackie9]

Yes you discuss this with her in how you two can navigate this together. She can communicate more to you in how you can help her when she's in a bad mood, like just listen to her vent, or a hug or a foot rub, buy ice cream and talk, or whatever, instead of her bottling it up and fuming. As for your OCD, reassurance from her will just enable the behaviour. It's a mental disorder so you need to seek out professional help to learn coping skills to retrain your brain to handle these insecure moments when they occur. 

Edited Monday at 08:21 PM by smackie9

[Alpacalia]

You’re wired to seek reassurance in moments of emotional ambiguity. The problem is, relationships require a little ambiguity. They breathe in the space between texts, in the quiet moments when someone’s having a bad day that has nothing to do with you.

Your anxiety wants certainty. But love isn’t a math problem—it’s a dance. Sometimes your partner will twirl away for a moment, and you have to trust they’ll twirl back. Not because you demanded it, but because they want to.

Edited Monday at 09:51 PM by Alpacalia

[ShySoul]

People overthink. We've become a society that is looking for their to be problems, so we assume that is the case for every little thing. We let fears and anxiety control us. We become jaded from the past and those who did hurt us. We trust in the judgements of others who have no real stake in the relationship and don't have all the details or really know the people involved. So we jump to conclusions, believing the worse in people and letting our imagination run wild to the worse case scenario.

Being with someone doesn't mean everything will be perfect. There will be fights. You won't always agree. You will have time where you need space. But the healthy couple understands this and doesn't panic. They come back together and talk through whatever happened. They are honest about their feelings and listen when there partner expresses themself. They compromise while always showing each other respect. And they do this not to gain anything, not to follow a strategy, not to protect themself or "win." They do it willingly because they love the other person.

Let your relationship breathe and flow naturally. Believe in yourself and in each other. Trust your feelings. Everything you need is already inside of you.