Long distance textationship

[lynn89]

So I met this guy on a night out last summer it was a brief encounter really, nothing happened he asked for my number we chatted for about an hour. He had a week left on vacation where I'm from but we couldn't meet up as I run a business and hadn't the time. He went home i didn't hear from him so I decided to start up the conversation. We've been talking on and off not very consistently since last July but only dm'd on Instagram we've never called each other or facetimed. I suggested numerous times that he come back for a visit but he says hes always said he's definitely coming back hopefully sooner than later and that he has sabbatical to take this year (not saying when). He said he was gonna come back in March to visit but no dates were solidified so I messaged him a week or two later asking was he returning he said he had a ski trip planned with friends. So I left things, he does most of the reaching out anyway as I feel he knows my intentions but his are not so clear he doesn't give much clarity as to what is going on and I don't wanna really upset the dynamic either. He sporadically sends like places to eat or visit in my home town with no context he sends me things he thinks id appreciate I'll respond but sometimes just like a the response or doesn't respond for up to 2 weeks. I sometimes feel he build me up to let me down. So I recently decided to unfollow him on Instagram and a week later I got a message saying 'hey how are I'm planning a trip across the pond in July' not saying what for but I responded probably stupidly with great id love to see you . I asked for dates he gave me vague one said he would give me definite ones soon. That was a few days ago I haven't heard since. Just want to see what everyone thinks about it?

Thanks

[basil67]

You live far away from each other and are only in contact sporadically.  What exactly are your intentions?   How does he build you up?

I think that when he visits, he'll view it as catching up with someone he met once on a night out.  And possibly hope to get laid.  He may even hope for free accommodation

 

[lynn89]

thanks for the response. I'd like to take things further I know I don't know him that well. He said he's started to look for places to stay not sure if that was him looking for an invitation you could be right 

[stillafool]

Why not try to date guys closer to where you live so you can have a real relationship?

[lynn89]

I have I'm currently on a dating app but they just haven't made it past the first date. This guy just keeps coming back

[ExpatInItaly]

18 hours ago, lynn89 said:

I'd like to take things further

I think you're barking up the wrong tree. 

He doesn't appear to have the same interest as you, so I would personally let this go. He is fine keeping in casual touch and will meet up if you happen to be in each other's areas., but that's it. 

Don't keep waiting and getting your hopes up. It will be a massive waste of your time and you will be disappointed in the end. 

[Sanch62]

Sounds like he's a traveler who keeps many casual contacts around the world to set up accommodations when he's in their area. 

If you want to roll the dice and engage further, it's not against the law. It just sounds as though you have something more serious in mind than he does.

Edited May 30 by Sanch62

[ExpatInItaly]

33 minutes ago, Sanch62 said:

Sounds like he's a traveler who keeps many casual contacts around the world

Yes, I recognize myself in this, too (woman here) 

I frequently travel and have met many people along the way. I have kept in touch with some of them, and if I know I am going to be in their areas again, I usually reach out to see if we can connect. It has never been about trying to start a relationship with any of them, even though I'd had a couple fun flings with one or two local men. 

I don't think this guy has any idea that you've attached so many hopes to this, OP. I get the strong impression you're just one of many folks he's met and remained somewhat friendly with. That's all. 

[flitzanu]

sounds like he has communicated just enough with you so that he can have easy sex when he visits your area and then be able to leave and not see you anymore.

and then if he visits again he can do the same thing.

[lynn89]

Yeah so update he unfollowed me a week later and I hadn't heard from him for 2 weeks. Then I get a msg saying sorry for not responding. I told him it was my bday next month if he's still interested in a catch he said he'll know for sure this week. You think he was just testing the waters to see how I reacted to him unfollow? 

[basil67]

Kindly, it sounds like you're scraping the bottom of the barrel - the guy is barely interested

[MsJayne]

2 hours ago, lynn89 said:

I told him it was my bday next month if he's still interested in a catch

What do you want for your birthday? To give him free accommodation and sex and then be ghosted? 

[lynn89]

Definitely not hes given dates in July but said he'll know for sure this week. 

[basil67]

6 hours ago, lynn89 said:

Definitely not hes given dates in July but said he'll know for sure this week. 

There is no reason to believe this man is interested in anything more than free accommodation and maybe sex.   And because you're chasing him, you aren't getting a real feel for his true interest level.  

Just leave the ball in his hands for a bit

[ExpatInItaly]

On 6/11/2025 at 5:42 AM, lynn89 said:

You think he was just testing the waters to see how I reacted to him unfollow? 

I don't think he cares that much.

You keep framing this as it you have dated. There is nothing with this man but a casual friendship. I really think it will be best for you to stop all communication, because you seem to be attaching too much importance to every interaction with him and your hopes are going to be dashed. How will you really  feel if he comes to visit, you have a great time, but then go right back to only communicating once in a while? Because that is what is most likely to happen here. 

[lynn89]

So havnt heard from him in 3 weeks he dm'd last night saying happy birthday and to enjoy the party. Now saying that it's looking like August until he gets back over and proceeds to tell me his travel itinerary with the 2 months he has off still no dates set in stone I think you may all be right I just want to see how it plays out now ....

[basil67]

On 7/4/2025 at 2:43 AM, lynn89 said:

So havnt heard from him in 3 weeks he dm'd last night saying happy birthday and to enjoy the party. Now saying that it's looking like August until he gets back over and proceeds to tell me his travel itinerary with the 2 months he has off still no dates set in stone I think you may all be right I just want to see how it plays out now ....

Happy birthday!

Are you going to stay in contact with him?  I have a feeling that you're still hoping for more than having a traveller you once met stay at your place.

Edited July 4 by basil67

[ExpatInItaly]

On 7/3/2025 at 6:43 PM, lynn89 said:

I just want to see how it plays out now ....

What do you think will honestly come of any of this?

That's a sincere question. 

 

[lynn89]

Possibly nothing I just want to see if he actually follows through with coming back

[lynn89]

He reaches out to me every few weeks I don't contact him at all we don't even follow each other anymore but he still checks up every so often. He has sabbatical coming up and plans to visit in August 

[ExpatInItaly]

I'm sure he'd be fine seeing you and hanging out if he's in the area, but please don't expect more. 

This is a friend situation. 

Edited July 8 by ExpatInItaly

[lynn89]

Thanks for the feedback guys 

[lynn89]

I've been dm'ing this guy I met in a bar over a year ago conversation has never been consistent maybe once every 2 or 3 weeks. He lives in the US I live in Europe he has said he was gonna come back to visit numerous times but work always seems to be the excuse 'its always hopefully sooner than later' I decided to unfollow the end of May as I got fed up and to see what his response would be, he txt me a week later saying planning a trip across the pond in July... I responded optimisticly he said he'll have definite dates figured soon, then unfollowed me a few days later. A few weeks went by he knew my bday was coming up start of July he txt wishing me a happy birthday and to enjoy my night that it was looking like August now for coming back. I left things for a few weeks to see would he follow through. Heard nothing for 7 weeks I decided 'stupidly I know' to follow him again and he followed back immediately acting like he never unfollowed me back. He said he still has work to finish up in the job before he gets his 2 months off that he 'hopes' to comes back this fall. What do guys think be brutally honest

[lynn89]

I've been dm'ing a guy I met in a bar over a year ago not very consistently could be every 2-3 weeks. He's said he'd come back for a visit a few times but work always seems to be the excuse or someone to mind his pets. He lives in the US I live in Europe. I unfollowed him in May as I grew fed up and to see what his reaction would be. He dm'd a few days later saying he was planning a trip across the pond in July I responded enthusiastically and he said he would have definite dates soon. He unfollowed me a few days later. He knew my bday was coming up the start of July (I had invited him over) he dm'd wishing me a happy birthday that it was looking like August now for him coming to visit. I left it to see would he follow through I hadn't heard from him for 7 weeks. I stupidly decided to follow him a few days ago he added me Back almost immediately and acted like he never unfollowed me. He then said he had work to finish up in the job before he gets his 2 months off, that he 'hoped' to visit this fall. Let me know what you guys think be brutally honest

[Guest]

I met this guy from the US in my hometown (I live in Europe) a year ago in a bar. We only talk via dm and it's not very consistent maybe every 2-3 weeks or so. He has said throughout the year he plans/hopes to return that he has sabbatical at the end of the year (vague) he has said he wanted to come back in spring to 'check out his options' I grew tired so I unfollowed him in May only to get a DM a week later saying 'I'm planning a trip across the pond in july' I responded enthusiastically he gave vague dates but said he would have definite ones sooner and was looking at places to stay. A few days later he unfollowed me, he knew my birthday was coming up and a few weeks later wishing me a happy birthday and to enjoy my party that it was looking like August now for him coming to visit. Neither of us said anything about the unfollowings. 7 weeks past hadn't heard from him so I stupidly decided to follow him again he followed back immediately. I asked did he unfollow me which responded 'absolutely not' he didn't ask the same just wanted to avoid it. He said he had yet to take his sabbatical and 'hoped' to visit this fall... No dates set. Havnt heard from him in a week but he's liking all my pics again. What do you guys think be brutally honest