Should I keep a baby with someone I can’t seem to get along with?

[Lily1236]

I (27F) have known and been friends with my cousin’s husband’s best friend (27M) for years. My cousin has seen my previous toxic relationships and encouraged me to try to have a relationship with her husbands friend the past year because she believed he was a very loving partner. We’ll call him A. After a year, I gave it a chance. We started talking and seeing one another immediately after he moved out of another female’s apartment and he was grieving a miscarriage. He told me he’s always wanted to be a dad.

We had a relationship for two months. Pretty much, he has a tit-for-tat attitude and I have an issue with getting in my head and pushing people away because I’m scared. My fear is loving someone more than they love me, making me want to run away, and his fear is abandonment. But he told me he can’t stop being guarded unless I stop running. But on my side, I feel like I struggle to stop running away if he’s going to continue to be guarded.. and round and round it goes. So I said I can’t do this.

Now I’m pregnant with his child. Of course he wants me to keep it and wants to work it out. I don’t know if I want to. I want to get my doctorate out of state in a couple of years after saving some money. He said he had no issue with this, but my issue is we do not see eye to eye. We don’t get along. I know I’m not perfect and have issues, but I feel like it’s a constant one-up battle. And I’m afraid of upsetting my cousin and her husband because they want us to be civil for their gatherings…

I am so at a loss and scared. I told A I didn’t want to keep it and he told me “I want nothing to do with your decision because it’s not even what I want. Carry on with it if you think it’s best. There’s no reason for you to contact me after this. Thanks.” Of course my hormones now, I wrongfully went off the handle because I feel abandoned if it’s not what he wants. Someone please give me some advice. Please

[ShySoul]

You are the one having the child. You are the one carrying it and will be responsbile for it. Thus it is your decision. Only you can decide if this is something you want to go through with.

I do think that him telling you to not contact him and that he wants nothing to do with you was wrong of him. a caring gentleman would be supporting you in your decision, even if he wanted something else. He may not want to have a relationship with you, but he is still part of why this is an issue and thus should be responsible and see it through to the end rather then abandon you. 

If you don't keep the child, slow down and make sure that you are fully ready to be in a relationship before you try seeing someone. Make sure you are both on the same page before even putting yourself in a place where a child could be possible. It's okay to not rush things, not have sex, or even not have a relationship if you aren't in the right place to deal with everything that comes with it. Better to be secure and have a solid foundation, slowly going one step at a time.

And if you do keep the child, same things apply. But also surround yourself with loved ones who will help care for that child.

Hope you make the decision that is right for you.

[stillafool]

I agree you are the woman and it's your decision.  However, you can't get angry with him because he'll want nothing more to do with you.  It's his child too, so he has every right to feel how he does about getting rid of it.  A lot of people end up breaking up after an abortion.  Still, you have to do what is best for you and trying not to upset your cousin and her husband by your decisions for your life should not factor in this.