My girlfriend is becoming distant and each time it seems to me more and more that our relationship is turning one-sided

[Geronimo2]

Right now I'm in an extremely anxious and nervous state. It's hard to keep this crap in my head and I really want to speak it out, but I have no one to talk to, so I decided to do it here, because this site seems like a good place.

So... I'm incredibly worried that my girlfriend has been acting distant lately. It seems like she is very reluctant to respond to my texts. Her responses are very dry and short, as if she does not care and wants me to f*** off, and my head interprets this behavior as passive aggression. She doesn't ask how I'm doing or how my day went, doesn't show any affection, initiative or enthusiasm, doesn't try to keep the conversation going, which makes me think that if I stop texting, she will not lift a finger. It seems that I'm the only one interested in our relationship and I'm the only one making an effort to maintain it. She also doesn't tell me what's going on, and when I confront her about it, she either gets irritated or tries to change the subject and goes offline. She knows that I'm very sensitive and careful about our relationship, how anxious I get when something like this happens, but she still continues to avoid me and makes me feel this way, as if on purpose. It really hurts me. I'm afraid that she's preparing the ground for a breakup, but I really want to hope that this is just me overthinking.

There are no reasons for this behavior. We get along great, I love her very much and support her in everything. I never let her feel unloved, I treat her very empathetically. We never argued, and communication played a particularly important role in our relationship. At one point, something changed...

The first months of our relationship, we could be compared to ideal couples from romantic movies, and it seemed that this would continue forever. She was very sweet and nice, we could talk for hours on different topics, she listened to everything I said, every date was like a holiday for her. She was head over heels in love with me and we often wrote texts about how much we loved each other. She was so sweetly happy and shy... Today I reread these messages and I felt like crying. I want to go back to those days so much... And what now? She is passive and unenthusiastic, she shows no interest in what I say, and if I write how much I love her and how much she means to me, she will simply answer "I love you too", without commenting on everything else, as if she does it for the sake of it, so that I don't get offended. It is very difficult for me to admit that the initially green flag healthy relationship has grown into some kind of uncertainty that sucks the life out of me and emotionally exhausts and destroys me.

I don't suspect her of cheating because she's not the kind of person who is capable of it. But my trust in other things is fading... I think she's insincere. Yes, I'm very insecure and I overthink a lot, but I think there are reasons to worry.

I'm very depressed right now. Any advice, suggestions? If you've encountered similar behavior from your partner, what did you do? I don't want to break up with her because I love her so much that words can't describe it. The only reasons I would immediately break up are cheating, an emotional affair, and turning the relationship into a toxic mess.

[Gebidozo]

Why do you write how much you love her and how much she means to you? It’s enough to say that once, then the only times you need to say that is if she doubts it for some reason or to cheer her up when she feels bad.

Most people I know would find it very tiresome if their partner keeps telling them such things and seemingly demand some sort of enthusiastic response every time. You say she replies “I love you too” every time. Well, what else do you want her to say? She is probably exhausted from what feels like intense lovebombing.

I’m not saying that it’s all your doing. Judging from your description, you lovebombed each other right from the beginning. This happens a lot with very young people. I hope you understand that no honeymoon lasts forever. A relationship that starts with this kind of crazy intensity can go two ways when things inevitably cool off. Either the couple naturally transforms heated passion into deep caring and genuine affection, or the whole thing crashes and burns.

You say yourself that you are anxious, very insecure, and overthink a lot. Perhaps these are the issues you need to take care of first.

Edited Tuesday at 10:40 PM by Gebidozo

[Sanch62]

How long have you been dating GF, and how often do you meet in person for dates?

When was your last in-person date, and did you sense anything wrong on that date?

[ExpatInItaly]

4 hours ago, Gebidozo said:

A relationship that starts with this kind of crazy intensity can go two ways when things inevitably cool off. Either the couple naturally transforms heated passion into deep caring and genuine affection, or the whole thing crashes and burns.

I was going to write the same thing. 

That new-relationship intensity eventually wears off, OP. Expecting to keep writing essays about how much you love each other is not realistic and starts to feel more like a chore to placate the other person than a genuine expression of affection.

5 hours ago, Geronimo2 said:

we could be compared to ideal couples from romantic movies, and it seemed that this would continue forever.

But thiis isn't a movie. This is real life, and as we've pointed out, this honeymoon phase doen't last forveer. Most relationships, if they are healthy ones founded on true love and commitment, will morph into something deeper that doesn't need constant displays of that love. 

Having said that, Idont think this is all on you, nor that you are wrong to be concerned. I agree that she seems to be pulling away and losing interest. How long have you actually been dating, and how old are you both? How often do you see each other? 

[Els]

Most of your complaints involve texting (or lack thereof). Is there a reason why you are relying on texting so much? Are you long distance?

[smackie9]

Sounds like this is an internet affair. Have you ever met irl? If this is what it is, dude these things have a shelf life. It loses it flavour. She wants more than text messages or facetime. That's why she's fading away, and possibly looking else where for attention. This is how these things play out. 10 % reality, 10% uncertainty, and 80% fantasy. It's not something you should invest in. It's a waste of time. Love isn't a waste, but where you try and get it from can be. Now here you are tied up in knots losing your mind over it. 

[BreakOnThrough]

Your insecurity is the reason you need her affirmation.  You're in a viscious cycle that will eventually eat up any connection you have.

[MehulAndKiran]

Reading your words really made my heart heavy. When someone close to you suddenly seems distant, it shakes everything inside. I too have once read old sweet messages in my relationship and wondered when did we change so much, and to be honest, no one from the outside can understand that pain.

But I learned one thing — this distance is not always a sign of a breakup. Sometimes girls (and boys too) suddenly start wanting space, or their “honeymoon phase” ends and they are unable to show as much enthusiasm. We feel as if they don’t care anymore, but in reality they may be in their own troubles.

At such times, we often become more clingy, want reassurance again and again, and this is what pushes them further back. It is difficult, but take a step back and give them a chance to breathe. Also, focus on yourself — your daily routine, your friends, your work. This will not only give you peace, but he will also feel that you are not solely dependent on him.

 Your love is evident, and it is precious. But remember, love is balanced only when there is equal warmth from both sides. It is equally important for you to not only give, but to receive as well.