How can I stop being so sensitive

[whathappenstomenow]

My girlfriend offers to watch my child so I can pick up some extra hours. It's planned for about a week

The night before she tells me she forgot she had an appointment and can't watch him (therapy appointment so it's important she goes) 

 

 

She told me she was going to take me to dinner to celebrate 5 years sober and ended up cancelling because she had a friend in town from about 700 miles away who doesn't get here often and showed up unexpectedly 

 

 

Another instance from about a week ago is we usually go on walks at a certain park together and she went without me without saying anything and without inviting me. 

 

Last one from recent was when she stayed out partying with a couple friends and stayed at there place. We agreed before she went to sleep she'd call or text letting me know she got home and was ok (sometimes she drinks a little too much and has had issues getting home)

 

 

These are just a few I can remember most recently . I think all of these things are ultimately not big deals and at best they would/should cause minor annoyance . For some reason when things like this happen I feel extremely bad, unwanted, unloved, etc ., to the point that I often feel I need a day or 2 to snap out of it . I get kind of withdrawn and don't really want to talk. We do still talk, only it feels like I got betrayed and the relationship is over so why bother talking ? Like I don't even know what to say . Obviously that is extreme and not warranted by the action

 

 

 

I have started in therapy and am trying to work on it but wondering if anyone has been through similar difficulty controlling your mental state and not letting small things get to you 

 

It's not fair to her and it's destroying my mental state and health. 

 

 

How can I stop taking everything SO personally 

Edited yesterday at 12:51 AM by whathappenstomenow

[Gebidozo]

I used to be just like that. Overreacting to the extreme, taking everything way too personally, seeing doom and gloom in everything, feeling betrayed and abandoned and unloved because of the smallest things.

These are serious anxiety issues. And the roots of anxiety are very deep. They go all the way to what you feel about yourself, whether you love yourself or not. You feel unloved because subconsciously you believe you shouldn’t be loved. You see darkness because deep down you think you don’t deserve light.

The good news are that you are aware of the problem. You seem to be assessing the problem clearly and are determined to make it go away. It’s great that you’re doing therapy.

Anxiety is bad, but it isn’t unbeatable. It is possible to change, but it takes time and effort. You can do it. Many people have this problem and you’re definitely not alone here.

 

[ExpatInItaly]

3 hours ago, whathappenstomenow said:

(sometimes she drinks a little too much and has had issues getting home)

Wait, what does this mean? SHe spends the night at other people's homes? With female or male friends? 

I'm asking because while these incidents taken separately aren't so serious and you could leanr to have a thicker skin, I do wonder if some of her own behaviour is change-worthy here too. 

[whathappenstomenow]

N/a

Edited yesterday at 04:31 AM by whathappenstomenow

[whathappenstomenow]

41 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said:

Wait, what does this mean? SHe spends the night at other people's homes? With female or male friends? 

I'm asking because while these incidents taken separately aren't so serious and you could leanr to have a thicker skin, I do wonder if some of her own behaviour is change-worthy here too. 

 She only stays at her girl friends houses occasionally , 95% of the time she gets home

 

 

 

What I meant by she drinks too much and has issues getting home is that she has drank enough before to where she would call me saying she needed a ride but she was intoxicated enough that she didn't really know what was going on and shed say she needed a ride but then keep hanging up on me and when I'd call back shed just say she needed a ride but wouldn't / couldn't tell me where she was and would be aimlessly walking around , not telling me where to get her , and intermittently hanging up on me for 30 min before I could finally figure out where she was to come get her 

 

 

 

 

 

I appreciate the comment, she has told me outright before that she does sometimes push the envelope (envelope being me) to see what she can get away with. She thinks it might come from some fear of abandonment.. sort of push me away before I can hurt/leave her sort of thing 

 

 

 

Makes settling these issues a bit tricky when it's often clear to both of us that for some reason , possibly subconscious, she does some of these things intentionally 

 

 

When I let her know I felt a little bothered or hurt by something she did (one of these instances ) she usually gets upset because she doesn't like thinking she is to blame for anything, and despite my best efforts to approach her with love, compassion, and a genuine desire to only solve and resolve our issues peacefully and maturely so we can get back to enjoying each other and our time together, due to some past trauma in her life she reacts generally with great anger and emotion when even a relatively small thing might be her fault. 

So then I sort of feel a double blow of the initial thing I had an issue with, and then the new issue of her being mad and aggressive toward me for "confronting " her with something she "didn't do"

 

Usually after some amount of time she will sort of sullenly apologize and then be very distant from me for anywhere from an hour to the rest of the night or into the next day

Like she feels she may have handled it wrong but the fact that she might be wrong makes her feel bad about herself and then she doesn't want me around because "why would I want someone who treats me like that" (her words)

Like as her partner I am a mirror for her real or imagined inadequacies, and because I am the mirror and I show her things she might not like in herself, I deserve to be punished , or removed completely 

 

Edited yesterday at 04:41 AM by whathappenstomenow

[ExpatInItaly]

9 hours ago, whathappenstomenow said:

she has told me outright before that she does sometimes push the envelope (envelope being me) to see what she can get away with.

9 hours ago, whathappenstomenow said:

due to some past trauma in her life she reacts generally with great anger and emotion when even a relatively small thing might be her fault

And you're the one who is worried about being too sensitive? 

This relationship sounds a lot more dysfunctional than you initially made it seem. She has deep issues that she takes out on you, and you tiptoe around her to avoid outbursts. 

9 hours ago, whathappenstomenow said:

she has drank enough before to where she would call me saying she needed a ride but she was intoxicated enough that she didn't really know what was going on and shed say she needed a ride but then keep hanging up on me and when I'd call back shed just say she needed a ride but wouldn't / couldn't tell me where she was

You realize how messed up this is, right? 

I personally would not date someone like this., who boozes this way, pushes my buttons and can't regulate her emotions. You're worried about the wrong things here, man. 

Edited 19 hours ago by ExpatInItaly