livingalife2009 Posted August 25 Posted August 25 I broke up with my boyfriend of 6 months. We were exclusive and it was the heathiest relationship I ever had. He was the right guy but according to him it was the wrong time, even though I would be the perfect life partner. We spent significant time together and travelled together. He was kind and respectful and I fell in love with him. After our big trip, I noticed he pulled away while I wanted to deepen our connection. He said he wanted space due to work and grieving over unfortunate events in his life that happened about 1.5 years ago. Intimacy decreased and felt superficial. Since he was pulling away and not ready to deepen our relationship, I broke up with him over text. But right away I realized breaking up over text was such a disrespectful thing to do to someone I respected highly. I wanted to apologize in person and requested him to meet with me, without telling him the reason. He agreed. Last night I texted to confirm our meeting, and I asked if we should go to dinner. He said he was a bit sad about us, but dinner sounded good, I suggested a restaurant and asked if he should make a reservation, which he did right away I am now wondering if he is thinking of reconciliation. He had told me more than once that I would be a perfect life partner. I really like him but don't want to put my life on hold while he doesn't know if he and I have a future together. We are both in our late 40s, both doing very well in life. What do you all say?
ShyViolet Posted August 26 Posted August 26 We're not mind readers, we can't tell you what he is thinking. But I would just say, don't get your hopes up. When a guy is really into you, he doesn't pull away and say he wants space at 6 months of dating. That doesn't sound like someone who really wants to build a relationship with you. 1
ExpatInItaly Posted August 26 Posted August 26 3 hours ago, ShyViolet said: When a guy is really into you, he doesn't pull away and say he wants space at 6 months of dating. That doesn't sound like someone who really wants to build a relationship with you. This. I don't think this was going in a good direction anyway, OP. 4 hours ago, livingalife2009 said: But right away I realized breaking up over text was such a disrespectful thing to do to someone I respected highly. I don't understand your thinking here. How is it disrespectful to break up with someone when you know the relationshop isn't working? Or do you mean you acted on an emotional impulse and then regretted it? 4 hours ago, livingalife2009 said: He had told me more than once that I would be a perfect life partner. Right, but he still distamced himself from you. People can say many things. It's their actions you need to watch. His actions were telling you that he wans't feeling this the same way. 1
Author livingalife2009 Posted August 26 Author Posted August 26 Thank you for your thoughts. I will get the answer when I meet with him. I will update.
flitzanu Posted August 27 Posted August 27 i think the original question is a bit backward as well, you said you dumped him, so why would he be the one offering reconciliation? that's on you. 1
Author livingalife2009 Posted September 8 Author Posted September 8 Update: I had dinner with my ex bf about 10 days ago. He expressed that he was done with the relationship because I broke up with him. He also explained why he pulled away. Evidently he felt pressured that the relationship was moving too fast. We left the dinner as two friends who loved and supported each other. I told him that I would give him space for a month so he could think things through, and that I would hold off on dating while he worked on himself. Last night, he sent me a very long thoughtful email, expressing how much he liked our time together and if I thought that we made a mistake and threw away something beautiful and meaningful, I should speak up. He is going through a lot of stress and still dealing with grief, the fact that he took the time writing and re-writing the email for two days just to make his intention clear to me, left me speechless. I think I am going to give us another try. Our relationship was a healthy one. He was a solid person who says very little but when he says something he means it.
ExpatInItaly Posted September 12 Posted September 12 On 9/8/2025 at 6:04 PM, livingalife2009 said: He also explained why he pulled away. Evidently he felt pressured that the relationship was moving too fast. What was the reason he didn't communicate this to you instead of just becoming distant? I'm wary of people who don't speak up and just leave the other person to wonder what is going on.
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