I think I blew it

August 25

I've been talking with a girl I met in a festival through a mutual friend. We added each other on Instagram, I sent her a message when she replied very enthusiastically. Anyway, I asked her for a date but she had a trip on this week( and said we could go out later). We kept talking daily, but her replies started to get more sparse (like once a day) and I tried to do the same. She then asked me if I wanted to grab some drinks, and gave me 2 days of the week as options. Very well, I accepted, but as I see now, I wasn't very assertive. I said something like "Friday seems nice" and after this asked if she liked to swim lol, as a completely unrelated question. I also asked if she liked music.

Anyway, she replied saying that she likes music and only sociopaths don't like it and asked me why I asked about swimming.

I think I have the tendency of talking and also writing too much, and maybe of also always making lame jokes. (I can send the exact messages in private for interested parties)

Anyway, after this, she didn't reply me, and after 2 days, I sent a follow up message "Hey, ___. Is x day still on?" and she replied saying that she forgot she had an event to go with her friends, and invited me along. I don't know if I should interpret this as a kind of soft rejection. She also didn't reply me previous questions, so maybe she doesn't like small talk? Anyway, what are your thoughts about it?

August 26

It’s way too early to tell anything here.

Inviting you to go to an event with her friends is hardly a soft rejection. She is the one who asked you out on a date in the first place.

Just reschedule the date and see how it goes, nothing has really started yet.

Be yourself and don’t worry too much.

August 26

5 minutes ago, Gebidozo said:

It’s way too early to tell anything here.

Inviting you to go to an event with her friends is hardly a soft rejection. She is the one who asked you out on a date in the first place.

Just reschedule the date and see how it goes, nothing has really started yet.

Be yourself and don’t worry too much.

But shouldn't she reply my other questions? Or is it considered normal now to ignore some questions?

August 26

45 minutes ago, adagabby said:

But shouldn't she reply my other questions? Or is it considered normal now to ignore some questions?

Sometimes people ignore questions, maybe they are busy or not in the mood. Everyone is different.

You haven’t even started dating yet, and already you don’t like the way she’s communicating. Are you sure you want to pursue this?

August 26

2 hours ago, Gebidozo said:

Sometimes people ignore questions, maybe they are busy or not in the mood. Everyone is different.

You haven’t even started dating yet, and already you don’t like the way she’s communicating. Are you sure you want to pursue this?

Well, I barely know her. It doesn't annoy me, I just wonder if it is a sign of disinterest...

August 26

8 hours ago, adagabby said:

asked me why I asked about swimming.

And did you answer her?

I don't understand where the conversation fizzled out.

3 hours ago, adagabby said:

But shouldn't she reply my other questions?

What other questions?

August 26

2 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said:

And did you answer her?

I don't understand where the conversation fizzled out.

What other questions?

Yeah, I replied saying "Random question, yeah. I was just wondering as I sometimes like to swim at the Naval Club "

I asked her about her music taste. She didn't reply me for 2 days, basically. I did this to her before, anyway, I don't sweat much about this.

But then I had to confirm the plans to Tuesday, and she replied me saying that she forgout about this event she had with friends, and invited me along. But said nothing about the music taste question. Maybe I'm just overthinking

August 26

10 minutes ago, adagabby said:

Maybe I'm just overthinking

You're overthinking. about the music question.

Not everyone enjoys chit-chat over text. I'm one of them. I much prefer in-person conversations for this sort of chat and generally don't have time to be doing the same via messaging. She may be someone who gets many messages a day and it simply slipped her mind that you'd asked about music. Either way, try to limit the general chatter to in-person or phone conversations, especially when you don't know the other person well and don't know if they have the time or interest to be messaging the way.

August 26

4 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said:

You're overthinking. about the music question.

Not everyone enjoys chit-chat over text. I'm one of them. I much prefer in-person conversations for this sort of chat and generally don't have time to be doing the same via messaging. She may be someone who gets many messages a day and it simply slipped her mind that you'd asked about music. Either way, try to limit the general chatter to in-person or phone conversations, especially when you don't know the other person well and don't know if they have the time or interest to be messaging the way.

Yeah, initially, she replied me quite enthusiastically. I mean, when we added each other on Instagram. We kept talking, but with 1 or 2 convos a day. She then asked me if I wanted to grab drinks, and gave me 2 days as options. I said Tuesday, but didn't exactly lock it down with place and time. This is why I wanted to confirm it, and I got a bit disappointed when she asked me if I wanted to go to this event with her and her friends.

Anyway, maybe I should just be less anxious lol

August 26

9 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said:

You're overthinking. about the music question.

Not everyone enjoys chit-chat over text. I'm one of them. I much prefer in-person conversations for this sort of chat and generally don't have time to be doing the same via messaging. She may be someone who gets many messages a day and it simply slipped her mind that you'd asked about music. Either way, try to limit the general chatter to in-person or phone conversations, especially when you don't know the other person well and don't know if they have the time or interest to be messaging the way.

What do you think about the date matter, then?

August 26

21 minutes ago, adagabby said:

What do you think about the date matter, then?

I think she's being honest that she forgot about other plans she had. She invited you along, so she's clearly not trying to avoid seeing you. Are you going?

22 minutes ago, adagabby said:

She then asked me if I wanted to grab drinks, and gave me 2 days as options. I said Tuesday

Didn't you say Friday?

9 hours ago, adagabby said:

I said something like "Friday seems nice"

August 26

6 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said:

I think she's being honest that she forgot about other plans she had. She invited you along, so she's clearly not trying to avoid seeing you. Are you going?

Didn't you say Friday?

Yeah, sorry, I put Friday as a useless attempt to anonymize the post.

I pretend to go, even though I'm not sure if I can mix well with ther friends.

August 26

2 minutes ago, adagabby said:

I pretend to go, even though I'm not sure if I can mix well with ther friends.

What does this mean?

August 26

26 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said:

What does this mean?

Sorry, I meant "intend". "Pretend" is a false cognate in my original language

August 26

11 minutes ago, adagabby said:

Sorry, I meant "intend". "Pretend" is a false cognate in my original language

I wondered, yes. I speak other languages too amd know it can get it mixed up sometimes.

Anyway, if she invited you and you don't feel comfortable in the group setting, name another (specific) day and place to meet one-on-one and invite her to do that instead.

August 26

8 hours ago, ExpatInItaly said:

I wondered, yes. I speak other languages too amd know it can get it mixed up sometimes.

Anyway, if she invited you and you don't feel comfortable in the group setting, name another (specific) day and place to meet one-on-one and invite her to do that instead.

I don't feel fully comfortable, but some of my own friends will be there as well. I was just wondering that, if it was a brush off, I wouldn't exactly be well treated, by her friends as well. I even asked her if it was ok, as I didn't know her friends. She said "Yes, if you are comfortable". Well, I think I am. I just don't want a tense atmosphere

August 26

I can see why she would just invite you to an event with her and her group....because technically you are a stranger...she doesn't really know you. Women have to be cautious when it comes to dating. She feels more comfortable with safety in numbers. Meet up with her and bring some friends with you. Even the score.

August 26

4 minutes ago, smackie9 said:

I can see why she would just invite you to an event with her and her group....because technically you are a stranger...she doesn't really know you. Women have to be cautious when it comes to dating. She feels more comfortable with safety in numbers. Meet up with her and bring some friends with you. Even the score.

Hi, smackie! Yeah, I suppose so as well, but I just found it a bit strange as she asked me out to grab drinks, and changed this one day before... This is why I am wondering if I said something odd or creepy

August 26

10 minutes ago, adagabby said:

Hi, smackie! Yeah, I suppose so as well, but I just found it a bit strange as she asked me out to grab drinks, and changed this one day before... This is why I am wondering if I said something odd or creepy

It's possible a friend told her to be careful, and to change venue. Or maybe she felt she came on too strong and doesn't want to come off looking as easy.

August 26

13 minutes ago, smackie9 said:

It's possible a friend told her to be careful, and to change venue. Or maybe she felt she came on too strong and doesn't want to come off looking as easy.

Well, I only asked about her music taste, but maybe my joke was too lame? To get a piece of your perspective: she said only psycopaths don't like music, and I replied: "Hmm so you passed the test. This is exactly what a psycopath would say though" and "Just kidding, what kind of music do you like? My taste has changed recently..."

Was this too corny? lol

August 26

this girl has done nothing to suggest she isn't interested.

you asked her out, she was busy and offered an alternative.

the alternative date something had come up, and she wasn't going to be available, and she didn't cancel she invited you to go along with her.

she's being very clear that she is inviting and trying to see you, none of this is a rejection.

August 27

12 hours ago, adagabby said:

I wouldn't exactly be well treated, by her friends as well. I even asked her if it was ok, as I didn't know her friends. She said "Yes, if you are comfortable". Well, I think I am. I just don't want a tense atmosphere

I donìt get this.

Why wouldn't her friends treat you well, and why would the atmosphere be tense? Do they not like you or something?

August 27

On 8/25/2025 at 12:35 PM, adagabby said:

I've been talking with a girl I met in a festival through a mutual friend. We added each other on Instagram, I sent her a message when she replied very enthusiastically. Anyway, I asked her for a date but she had a trip on this week( and said we could go out later). We kept talking daily, but her replies started to get more sparse (like once a day) and I tried to do the same. She then asked me if I wanted to grab some drinks, and gave me 2 days of the week as options. Very well, I accepted, but as I see now, I wasn't very assertive. I said something like "Friday seems nice" and after this asked if she liked to swim lol, as a completely unrelated question. I also asked if she liked music.

Anyway, she replied saying that she likes music and only sociopaths don't like it and asked me why I asked about swimming.

I think I have the tendency of talking and also writing too much, and maybe of also always making lame jokes. (I can send the exact messages in private for interested parties)

Anyway, after this, she didn't reply me, and after 2 days, I sent a follow up message "Hey, ___. Is x day still on?" and she replied saying that she forgot she had an event to go with her friends, and invited me along. I don't know if I should interpret this as a kind of soft rejection. She also didn't reply me previous questions, so maybe she doesn't like small talk? Anyway, what are your thoughts about it?

Here's my take:

*most importantly, you are trying to get to KNOW her too much over text...she might be a person that finds that boring or lackluster in comparison to a real conversation that flows genuinely vs an interview over text. What you are trying to ask her is too much over text and is better done in person and on a date. To me, when a guy does this it comes off as passive and not confident. Confident guys--when you haven't had the first date yet--don't ask so many questions...they want to go on the date and see from there. Most girls (people overall) want a confident guy because it shows that you know you have VALUE and believe in it..which becomes shorthand to her "he has value"...she doesn't necessarily know what/how/why yet but asking so many questions without a "pull" or reason to do so signals that you think you have a "good thing in hand" better than you can get and don't want it to slip out of your hands..so you try too hard., which then backfires. Whether you meant that or not, a significant amount of people are going to interpret it like that...You can even look at her response: inviting you OUT vs continuing a long text conversation as an indicator that she is likely one of those people who prefers to determine if there is chemistry in person rather than over text. Follow her lead on that--which is what you should have done anyway..and should do in the future. Just book the date, man!

•See how some of your "joking" or quirky (potentially cute) stuff is getting lost over text--that's because out of the forms of communication, it's the worst. Even a phone call would be better so you could hear intonation! But let me be clear, don't do that IMO....In general, funny light stuff over text (not asking for a person's whole history) and then enthusiastically & quickly book the date! You were already talking daily! Too much and feels like an obligation rather than something fun. Use the momentum of a couple of lively texts, to book the date so it all contributes to a feeling of momentum and excitement. I didn't get that feeling from your re-telling of what happened (sorry!). I felt the fizzle!!

*I think girls who get the swimming or beach question or conversation turning to that, as you did, pretty much assume. you want to see us in a bathing suit...It comes off badly. I wouldn't advise doing it randomly...if you are actually on a date and the conversation flows to hobbies and it's natural, not creepy, sure talk about your swimming. But super vague/open-ended as you did, pretty much the next thing we think is: this guy wants to get me to the beach to assess what my body looks like with as little clothes as possible OR he's so hard up, he wants to get me to the beach with as little clothes as possible. Will every girl feel this way? Of course not..but you risk it with those that don't. Also it seems like you were struggling to just have a natural conversation. That could be: you trying too hard, trying to make something daily or go on and on, her lack of focus in that format, lack of context the way a normal conversation between people who have even a little bit more of a connection flows...All good conversations even between strangers, FLOW.

*Agreed you aren't being assertive enough IMO. Know what you want (a date with her/to spend time with her) and don't pussy foot around! Lol I don't know if they have a word for that in your native language...it basically means the same as don't tip-toe around. You know who does that? Scared people...so it's not a good way to act if you want to appear assertive and confident in what you want. She wants an equal. Her responses already indicate she is pretty bold and sure of herself.

*I don't think asking you to come along with her friends is a REJECTION...I do think she's reassessing and now wants her friends to weigh in on you...if you think you can manage this kind of a date then go..I'm sort of worried that you can't though and think you would be better one-on-one..so I would just opt for a date a day or two later that is just the two of you. If you think you can be outgoing and hold her attention and impress her friends then go out with the group.

*Stop overthinking..Say to yourself when you feel "nervous" which is causing the overthinking that the feeling is EXCITEMENT. it will help you manage those feelings. I think some of your overthinking is because you are lacking confidence and looking for reassurance from outside sources, in this case her...It's too early to want reassurance of any kind. All beginnings are uncertain--it's the nature of romantic beginnings! So accept that fact. Don't place so much importance on "doing it right". She's only one girl---she might not even be the right girl. Break it into smaller steps: get date one, get date two, etc. You are only worried about doing something perfectly when you think it's MONUMENTAL to your life. It isnt' at all yet. Ok good luck!

August 27

Overthinking=nervousness=looking weird=fail. To eliminate this you, Be positive=feel confident=looking relaxed=win

Sign In

I think I blew it

Recommended Posts

adagabby

Gebidozo

adagabby

Gebidozo

adagabby

ExpatInItaly

adagabby

ExpatInItaly

adagabby

adagabby

ExpatInItaly

adagabby

ExpatInItaly

adagabby

ExpatInItaly

adagabby

smackie9

adagabby

smackie9

adagabby

flitzanu

ExpatInItaly

Versacehottie

smackie9

What's New

My Activity Streams

More...