Author caring guy Posted January 15, 2006 Author Posted January 15, 2006 I've done all wrong, i feel ****, i'm thinking of her on the plane & i should be there too if i hadn't fu*ked up! I don't think she will contact me again! I had my chance to go & have fun, i ruined it & i feel sh*t. Go out dating others, yeh right! I feel like dissapearing into a bottle of vodka & never coming back! Afterall, we said we'd go out clubbing in Estonia & having vodka shots! I messed up & i'm feeling bad, i wanna be with her now, i'm depressed, very depressed!
cygny Posted January 15, 2006 Posted January 15, 2006 nah don't let her have this kind of power over you. have fun without her. you learned alot from this experience. now you've got to pull yourself up and go out. no vodka. really you are still in the middle of this lesson. you need to complete part 2. take some action.
Author caring guy Posted January 17, 2006 Author Posted January 17, 2006 As i say, if i'd gone i'd have fallen deeper for her & it would have been all the harder when it came to Feb & her going away! Ok, i haven't seen Estonia, blown the cash, but i'm proud (ish) that i made the stand & said i can't go if you don't want me to. Like i showed her it wasn't a carrot & stick situation & as soon as she shouts, i come running! She was funny with me on the phone when i asked her if she wanted me to go, like i found her out, she said she felt guilty, just like she did when she came with me to get my passport. That was paid for too & she felt she had to come, but i know she didn't want to, i said the same thing after that day, "did you want to come with ME", or just because i'd payed! She reacted the same way, & said she felt guilty. She came that day as i'd payed, seems she can't say no & felt she had to. Me, i didn't care the money, it was the principal in my mind, be it right or wrong! I did say no!! I didn't go, because instinct told me i couldn't, it would all have been false! My feelings would be increasing & it would be harder to let go. She says i hurt her by asking her this, more like sussed her out, not hurt her, made her feel the guilt! I was hurt too, i told her! Maybe she will respect me for pulling out on these principles. That i took a stand as you say! cg
Author caring guy Posted January 18, 2006 Author Posted January 18, 2006 She's due back tommorow, i am thinking if she'l ever contact me again! Maybe my suspicions of the trip would be true if she doesn't. I need to be ok with her & explain my thinking. She has been angry before when the truth i've spoken. That after the 15th Feb, maybe i won't see her again & this is the reason she's ending it now i wonder! I hope that because i tooka stand, will show me in good light that i have principles! & she can rspect me more! cg
Author caring guy Posted January 20, 2006 Author Posted January 20, 2006 Thank you all, i'm so depressed & anxious, i come on here for support & i get no constant help or feedback, i'm at my witts end & am so alone,desperate & you all are all i have!
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