Is there a good solution for me in all of this or should I not even bother trying?

[Gebidozo]

1 hour ago, TheEternalPessimist said:

Yes I understand what being vulnerable means, I would have no problem being vulnerable once in a while when I actually get into a relationship someday but that's not the case right now.  

Err… no, you clearly don’t understand what it means in the context, otherwise you wouldn’t say you’d be vulnerable “once in a while”. The whole point of being vulnerable is that it is a permanent state of putting yourself out there and being who you are, without fear or pretense.

If instead you prefer to play “alpha male” games with women to hide your insecurities, feel free to keep doing that, but don’t be surprised that this high school tactic doesn’t work with mature people and is essentially obliterating your hopes of having a normal relationship.

[TheEternalPessimist]

What works then? Because clearly what I did before wasn't working either. 

[Gebidozo]

4 hours ago, TheEternalPessimist said:

What works then? Because clearly what I did before wasn't working either. 

There is no magic formula that will make any woman you fancy fall for you. It’s not about what works, it’s about becoming the best version of yourself and then offering that version to a person you like directly and fearlessly, fully accepting the possibility of rejection.

What definitely does not work is thinking that there is some artificial behavior, some fake image of yourself that you can concoct and present to women, hoping that they will be impressed by that.

And of course you need to stop feeling insecure about your height and generally stop believing that you’re unattractive. It’s the insecurity that turns women off, not the short stature. 

[TheEternalPessimist]

Well at times she does seem impress by certain things that other girls haven't been as impressed about.

I don't talk about my insecurities publicly, especially not to someone I am attracted to or other coworkers even.

[Gebidozo]

1 hour ago, TheEternalPessimist said:

Well at times she does seem impress by certain things that other girls haven't been as impressed about.

I don't talk about my insecurities publicly, especially not to someone I am attracted to or other coworkers even.

Of course you don’t, but women can feel those insecure vibes coming off of you. 

[TheEternalPessimist]

How so when I never talked about my height and never talked about feeling unattractive? 

[Gebidozo]

7 minutes ago, TheEternalPessimist said:

How so when I never talked about my height and never talked about feeling unattractive? 

Do you seriously not understand that most mature women can see through fake behavior and discern the insecurity that causes it?

[TheEternalPessimist]

There is no fake behavior on my part other than adapting a few things and I don't talk about my insecurities or my height publicly.

[Gebidozo]

5 hours ago, TheEternalPessimist said:

There is no fake behavior on my part other than adapting a few things and I don't talk about my insecurities or my height publicly.

Dude, you literally believe that women like “alpha males” and that you can’t be vulnerable with them. That belief, in itself, is a clear symptom of insecurity. Women feel that and get turned off. 

[TheEternalPessimist]

I don't believe, I comment on what I see and have been seeing most of my life. 

[Gebidozo]

3 hours ago, TheEternalPessimist said:

I don't believe, I comment on what I see and have been seeing most of my life. 

I don’t understand why you are drawing out this conversation by arguing pointless semantics.

I don’t know what you’ve been seeing, but your interpretation of that, and your subsequent conclusions, are wrong.

[TheEternalPessimist]

Fair enough, it's still not helping me figure out what to do about Sjoeke. 

[Gebidozo]

8 hours ago, TheEternalPessimist said:

Fair enough, it's still not helping me figure out what to do about Sjoeke. 

I told you before. Ask her out.

If she says no, move on.

If she says yes, be sincere, confident, and vulnerable during the date. Make it clear to her that you’re romantically interested without saying it outright. Try to gently increase the atmosphere of romance if the vibes are good. Ask her on a second date. And so on.

Personally, I’d kiss a woman on the first date if the atmosphere is right. If the atmosphere isn’t right, then I’d figure she doesn’t like me romantically, and there would be no second date.

It’s not rocket science and there are no tricks here. You put yourself out there honestly and fully, and hope that she likes the real you. If she doesn’t, don’t take it personally and move on. 

[basil67]

10 hours ago, TheEternalPessimist said:

Fair enough, it's still not helping me figure out what to do about Sjoeke. 

She told someone that she likes you but only as a colleague.  Knowing this, why would you ask her out?   It's going to make the workplace uncomfortable and she will likely avoid you for a while

[Gebidozo]

3 hours ago, basil67 said:

She told someone that she likes you but only as a colleague.  Knowing this, why would you ask her out?   It's going to make the workplace uncomfortable and she will likely avoid you for a while

She did? I missed that part. I thought the problem was that the OP didn’t have the courage to ask her out and was planning to play an “alpha male” to attract her.

OP, if she clearly stated that she doesn’t like you romantically, why does this whole thread even exist? There is nothing to do, move on.

[TheEternalPessimist]

9 hours ago, Gebidozo said:

She did? I missed that part. I thought the problem was that the OP didn’t have the courage to ask her out and was planning to play an “alpha male” to attract her.

OP, if she clearly stated that she doesn’t like you romantically, why does this whole thread even exist? There is nothing to do, move on.

Tell me you didn't read my initial post without telling me you didn't read my initial post.....

[TheEternalPessimist]

12 hours ago, basil67 said:

She told someone that she likes you but only as a colleague.  Knowing this, why would you ask her out?   It's going to make the workplace uncomfortable and she will likely avoid you for a while

I know, hence the dilemma. I also find it very weird that she felt the need to specify that he likes me as a colleague. 

[basil67]

4 hours ago, TheEternalPessimist said:

I know, hence the dilemma. I also find it very weird that she felt the need to specify that he likes me as a colleague. 

Yes, you've already made this statement and I've already answered it.  

[Gebidozo]

8 hours ago, TheEternalPessimist said:

Tell me you didn't read my initial post without telling me you didn't read my initial post.....

I did read your original post.

Here is what you wrote:

I also heard from the same colleague, whom I trust and who inquired to her about me, that she likes me as person but that “we're just colleagues.”

That could either mean that she doesn’t like you romantically, or that she simply stated a fact that you two weren’t dating.

I assumed that you made that second conclusion, since everything you wrote subsequently was about how you weren’t sure what to do and how you planned to play an “alpha male” to impress her.

In any case, there is only one way to know for sure, and that’s asking her out on a date.