My girlfriend of 2 years.

[lost in my head]

M/48. My girlfriend of 2 years left 2 weeks ago. We have had our ups and downs. She is also an alcoholic. I've asked her so many times to get help to no avl. To the point she got 2 owis in a month and had a hit and run with property damage. She has left before a couple times for a day or 2. She's always been drunk when she has left me and when she sobers up she comes back. She is a very toxic drunk and very mean. She always says she loves me . Well 2 weeks ago we went out to dinner and had a great night. Had a bunch of plans for the next day. Next day comes and she was sober and says I'm leaving u. And starts with all the normal put downs on me as she always does during arguments. The real kicker is she had her ex boyfriend pick her up. I heard that she's dating him again for a week. Apparently he kicked her out because of her drinking. Now there bck together and she is going to AA and supposedly checking into rehab. Which is great if she does.I know at my age I should just move on but I truly love her and just don't understand her thinking. I think she's possibly a narcissist or a dismissive avoidant. I'm trapped in my own head and all I keep seeing is darkness and can't eat or sleep the last 2 weeks. Any advice would be great. Ty

[ShyViolet]

It's normal to be sad about a breakup and that's ok, but it is for the best that this ended.  She is a toxic person.  This needed to end.  Don't entertain ideas of trying to get her back.  This terrible relationship needs to stay in the past and now you just need to focus on healing from this and moving on.

[ExpatInItaly]

OP; I would spend this time reflecting on your self-worth. 

It is clear you don't think you can do better than this trrainwreck of a person. The question is why not. This relationship sounded pretty miserable and she is going to wind up dead or in jail for her drinking and driving. You need to get to the bottom of what atrracts you to such dysfunction. I would personally not be able to stand by such a reckless, selfish person. 

Once you figure  out why you've done so, you will wonder why you wasted so much of your time and heart on a situation that never had a happy ending for you. 

[Imnew1]

16 hours ago, lost in my head said:

M/48. My girlfriend of 2 years left 2 weeks ago. We have had our ups and downs. She is also an alcoholic. I've asked her so many times to get help to no avl. To the point she got 2 owis in a month and had a hit and run with property damage. She has left before a couple times for a day or 2. She's always been drunk when she has left me and when she sobers up she comes back. She is a very toxic drunk and very mean. She always says she loves me . Well 2 weeks ago we went out to dinner and had a great night. Had a bunch of plans for the next day. Next day comes and she was sober and says I'm leaving u. And starts with all the normal put downs on me as she always does during arguments. The real kicker is she had her ex boyfriend pick her up. I heard that she's dating him again for a week. Apparently he kicked her out because of her drinking. Now there bck together and she is going to AA and supposedly checking into rehab. Which is great if she does.I know at my age I should just move on but I truly love her and just don't understand her thinking. I think she's possibly a narcissist or a dismissive avoidant. I'm trapped in my own head and all I keep seeing is darkness and can't eat or sleep the last 2 weeks. Any advice would be great. Ty

And you're sad why exactly????  Let's digest your own words here.  You lost an alcoholic, that belittled you when drunk, very toxic and very mean.  Next day she realizes oh s*** and is the sweet girl you thought you fell in love with.  Still talks to her ex, and is back with him just like that.  Let him enjoy her problems.

I went through this with the nicest, sweetest girl for 2 years.............until she was drinking, which we (I"m no angel) did every time we were together.  I drank maybe on Friday and Saturday, and wanted to be professional at work.  Never will forget coming to her apartment on a Sunday at 11 am and she came down to let me in and was walking down with Jack and coca colas at 11 am.  She put it in my hand and I just told her "ummm I don't drink on Sundays."  All I got was "mmmmmm that's boring I want to have a drink with my bf on the weekends."  I wanted to smash so I drank it.  I noticed real quick that our whole relationship became drinking and f***ing.  She was disloyal as hell and always talking to her exes, and keeping her options open on instagram, snapchat etc.  When drunk (only took like 2 beers) she would have the arrogance to trash my family and call them racist Trump supporting Republicans in front of her family, and another time to total strangers.  Then the next day an I'm sorry.  "If we never talk again please just know I'm sorry."  Then back to the sweet nice normal girl she always was again 95% of the time. 

You don't want this man.  This is not a wife and she's not one for a reason.  Don't cry over this.  It's easy to say as somebody who went through something so similar 6 years later and I know exactly how you feel in the moment dealing with this.  I was messed up when this train wreck of a girl despite being like an 9/10 hot to me and wife to me if the 5% bad didn't exist left me for about 2 years.  Trust me I miss the 95% of her normal side to this day 6 years after the fact, but I don't miss the 5% bad that mad it impossible to marry.  She's still not married at 38 today with no kids.  Go figure.  Your girl can take her problems to her ex, or somebody else, or she can get help.  She's not your problem to fix.  Don't save her, bc right now at least she don't want to be saved.