Hooking up with younger woman?

August 21

What do you think about a 31 year old man and an 18 year old woman in a friends with benefits relationship?

August 21

An 18 year old is old enough to make their own decisions. As long as it is consensual it's fine. However probably best to make your intentions clear to her that you aren't looking for anything serious and prefer casual at this point in time.

There is a lot bigger age gaps getting together than a 31 year old going to bed with an 18 year old. Though many would consider 18 pretty young as long as you aren't forcing yourself on her she is of legal age. Might want to avoid her dad though.

August 21

I'd wonder if there is something off with the 31-year-old who maybe can't get a woman closer to his age.

Other than that, nothing to see, really. Both are adults and assuming both are consenting,

August 21

19 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said:

I'd wonder if there is something off with the 31-year-old who maybe can't get a woman closer to his age.

Other than that, nothing to see, really. Both are adults and assuming both are consenting,

If a 31 year old wanted to get into an actual serious relationship with an 18 year old that would raise a few eyebrows but the OP makes it pretty clear it would be for sexual purposes.

Now 18 is pushing the limit (a more advisable situation would be pursuing a sexual encounter with someone in their early to mid 20's) but there are men and women in their 50's pursuing encounters with 20 something year olds.

Being attracted to younger individuals is a normal attraction. Not everyone acts on those feelings but it is an attraction many have. As long as you are careful about it it's fine as long as they are of legal age.

August 21

It doesn't break the law if 18 is the age of consent in your location, but beyond that, it's on you to consider the vulnerability of a potential partner and weigh that against your intentions.

August 22

I had a serious long-term relationship with a 19 year old when I was 38. The relationship lasted 7 years. Looking back, I think now that the choice of such a young partner indicated insecurities, fears, and control issues on my side.

Now, friends with benefits is a situation I’ve never been in. I don’t think there is anything wrong with such an arrangement in general, but I can’t understand why a man in his 30’s and an 18 year old girl would want to have it with each other.

It’s one thing to have feelings for each other, but FWB is a purely sexual arrangement and I’m having a hard time imagining an 18 year old girl actually wanting that.

As a man, if I wanted an FWB, I’d definitely want it only with a mature, independent, experienced woman who knows exactly what she wants.

It’s not about the age gap but about the fact that the other person is so young. 18 year olds don’t really know what they want and I hope you don’t mislead her or hurt her feelings.

August 22

33 minutes ago, Gebidozo said:

I had a serious long-term relationship with a 19 year old when I was 38. The relationship lasted 7 years. Looking back, I think now that the choice of such a young partner indicated insecurities, fears, and control issues on my side.

Now, friends with benefits is a situation I’ve never been in. I don’t think there is anything wrong with such an arrangement in general, but I can’t understand why a man in his 30’s and an 18 year old girl would want to have it with each other.

It’s one thing to have feelings for each other, but FWB is a purely sexual arrangement and I’m having a hard time imagining an 18 year old girl actually wanting that.

As a man, if I wanted an FWB, I’d definitely want it only with a mature, independent, experienced woman who knows exactly what she wants.

It’s not about the age gap but about the fact that the other person is so young. 18 year olds don’t really know what they want and I hope you don’t mislead her or hurt her feelings.

There are a lot of 18-22 year old young women who are attracted to the experience an older man has. Same thing goes for younger men when they look at older women. They are attracted to the experience they have. And the older women in these situations are attracted to the younger men for many of the same reasons men are attracted to younger women.

Edited August 22 by Sony12

August 22

9 hours ago, Sony12 said:

he OP makes it pretty clear it would be for sexual purposes.

Yes, I know. I can read.

Doesn't chance my stance.

Edited August 22 by ExpatInItaly

August 22

5 hours ago, Sony12 said:

There are a lot of 18-22 year old young women who are attracted to the experience an older man has.

Obviously, I know that, since I was precisely that, an older man in a relationship with a very young girl.

What I’m trying to say is that the dynamics of such relationships are rarely healthy. Also, while a relationship is at least understandable, I find an FWB arrangement with an 18 year old girl questionable, to put it mildly.

August 22

I had a summer fling when I was 17 and he was 28. It was fun, but to me it was only ever going to be temporary because he was so old. But actually fell for me and thought I'd leave my parents' home and go live with him 600km away and have an actual relationship. I know this is not your situation, but now that I'm an old woman, I think there's a lack of maturity in men who make choices which go against the creep factor (she should be no younger than ''1/2 your age +7')

So to not be a creep, the minimum age of a girl you see at this point should be 22-23.

August 22

2 hours ago, basil67 said:

I had a summer fling when I was 17 and he was 28. It was fun, but to me it was only ever going to be temporary because he was so old. But actually fell for me and thought I'd leave my parents' home and go live with him 600km away and have an actual relationship. I know this is not your situation, but now that I'm an old woman, I think there's a lack of maturity in men who make choices which go against the creep factor (she should be no younger than ''1/2 your age +7')

So to not be a creep, the minimum age of a girl you see at this point should be 22-23.

LOL I have to say your "creep" factor rule made me laugh. Thanks. I am curious, who this rule goes for? Just men or women too?

August 22

3 hours ago, Gebidozo said:

Obviously, I know that, since I was precisely that, an older man in a relationship with a very young girl.

What I’m trying to say is that the dynamics of such relationships are rarely healthy. Also, while a relationship is at least understandable, I find an FWB arrangement with an 18 year old girl questionable, to put it mildly.

Why is it questionable? Young girls are horny just as boys are. You said you don't understand why an 18 year old woman would want sex with an older man. Sony12 explained it very well I think. You said you want an older woman for FWB, well some men want a young woman. Its all about preferences. I doubt you'd be saying this if the genders were reversed.

August 22

When I was 27 I became involved with a 55 year old woman. She was going through a divorce at the time and wasn't in a space where she wanted anything serious.However just because she wasn't in a space where she didn't want anything serious doesn't mean she still wouldn't enjoy giving a hot 20 something year old guy a blowjob. It was good for both of us at the time. We were getting kicks out of the sexual gratifications during a time when neither of us were looking for anything serious.

Now of course I realize there is a difference between a 27 year old young person and an 18 year old young person but there is a lot more significant age differences out there than a 30 year old dating a late teens individual.

August 22

1 hour ago, JennZZ said:

You said you don't understand why an 18 year old woman would want sex with an older man.

I don’t think you actually read what I wrote in this thread. I specifically mentioned that I had a relationship with a 19 year old girl when I was 38. That wasn’t the only time I had sex or relationship with someone much younger than me. I made my observations precisely because I do understand very well why an 18 year old woman would want sex with an older man.

1 hour ago, JennZZ said:

Young girls are horny just as boys are.

What made you arrive at the bizarre conclusion that I wasn’t aware of that?

1 hour ago, JennZZ said:

You said you want an older woman for FWB

Again, I wish you read what I actually wrote before commenting on it. I said that if I wanted an FWB, I’d arrange it with a mature woman. Not because that’s something I would actually want, but because that would be less creepy.

1 hour ago, JennZZ said:

I doubt you'd be saying this if the genders were reversed.

You can stop doubting. I think that an FWB arrangement between an 18 year old boy and a woman in her 30’s is as cringeworthy.

1 hour ago, JennZZ said:

Why is it questionable?

Do I really need to explain?

An 18 year old, regardless of gender, is a very young and immature person, basically a kid. Why would an older, mature person be willing to have a strictly sexual connection with them, without forming an emotional attachment?

Having a love relationship or a passionate short affair between a mature person and an 18 year old is at least something I can understand, though definitely not recommend. But an FWB arrangement between a mature person and an 18 year old is just too calculated and comes across as creepy.

August 22

2 minutes ago, Sony12 said:

Now of course I realize there is a difference between a 27 year old young person and an 18 year old young person but there is a lot more significant age differences out there than a 30 year old dating a late teens individual.

Exactly, there is a difference. As @basil67 pointed out, it’s not about the age difference, it’s about the youth of one of the participants.

You were 27, a grown up man. You knew exactly what you wanted. An 18 year old does not.

August 22

4 minutes ago, Gebidozo said:

Exactly, there is a difference. As @basil67 pointed out, it’s not about the age difference, it’s about the youth of one of the participants.

You were 27, a grown up man. You knew exactly what you wanted. An 18 year old does not.

While people may feel that at the same time though an 18 year old is of legal age. And is sleeping with a 30 year old any worse than an 18 year old girl sleeping around in the college dorms?

August 22

5 minutes ago, Sony12 said:

While people may feel that at the same time though an 18 year old is of legal age. And is sleeping with a 30 year old any worse than an 18 year old girl sleeping around in the college dorms?

I’m not referring to the behavior of the 18 year old, only to the behavior of the 30 year old, because it’s only from that end that I find the behavior questionable.

I don’t think it’s bad when an 18 year old girl sleeps with whomever she wants to, as long as she is being safe physically and emotionally.

August 22

26 minutes ago, Gebidozo said:

I don’t think you actually read what I wrote in this thread. I specifically mentioned that I had a relationship with a 19 year old girl when I was 38. That wasn’t the only time I had sex or relationship with someone much younger than me. I made my observations precisely because I do understand very well why an 18 year old woman would want sex with an older man.

What made you arrive at the bizarre conclusion that I wasn’t aware of that?

Again, I wish you read what I actually wrote before commenting on it. I said that if I wanted an FWB, I’d arrange it with a mature woman. Not because that’s something I would actually want, but because that would be less creepy.

You can stop doubting. I think that an FWB arrangement between an 18 year old boy and a woman in her 30’s is as cringeworthy.

Do I really need to explain?

An 18 year old, regardless of gender, is a very young and immature person, basically a kid. Why would an older, mature person be willing to have a strictly sexual connection with them, without forming an emotional attachment?

Having a love relationship or a passionate short affair between a mature person and an 18 year old is at least something I can understand, though definitely not recommend. But an FWB arrangement between a mature person and an 18 year old is just too calculated and comes across as creepy.

I guess we just see it differently. For me, there doesn't need to be emotional connection with sex, some people want that. Its normal. I think 18 is old enough to know what they are doing sex wise, I actually think a relationship would be far worse, because lot more things come in play there and its much easier to control the younger person. That's how I feel.

August 22

As long as you are honest with your intentions and don't try to lead her on then you should be ok. Specifically tell her that you aren't looking for a relationship right now. If you do that then you are ok. If she chooses not to listen to you then that is on her. An 18 year old is old enough to understand the difference between casual sex and sex within the context of a relationship.

What I honestly would worry about most with an 18 year old is her getting pregnant. You can take precautions but sometimes those precautions don't work and at other times you two get caught up in the moment and don't take those precautions beforehand.

That's one thing I definitely enjoyed with the 55 year old lady and the older women I have been with since her. We could have as much sex as we wanted and I knew she wasn't going to get pregnant.

Edited August 22 by Sony12

August 23

1.) Third person perspective, the maturity disparity is a power imbalance which is risky
2.) From the man's perspective, I imagine it is benefits all around. I imagine, though could be wrong, that it is easier to impress an impressionable teen with average adult things at that age such as shelter, car, money, connections, some know-how. I imagine a straight man is interested in young women, though it does make me sick thinking about this age gap. People often neglect ethics i.e,. make mistakes.

3.) from the girl's perspective, I imagine something like "I am so mature for my age" or "no guys around my age are mature" as it is stereotypical for teen girls. I speculate that the relative-to-her higher status-markers of an average adult indicate "confidence" or attractiveness generall

in conclusion, this is gross all round, and a relationship takes two to tango i.e., both are complicit, though the 30-y/o seems predatory to me in that they are exploiting their age difference as a leverage. Such is life I suppose. Life is gross and imperfect. I guess we can educate them but not much we can do if they both are unwilling. All around a mess

August 23

This is obviously legal but not entirely socially acceptable. My husband has a friend who is 55 years old and he is still pursuing and has dreams of hooking up with 20 year women… Let’s just say, he’s not very successful and we find it a little cringy. It’s sad that he’s never really had a long term relationship - he has never really matured and his interest in young women has not brought any lasting happiness.

August 25

On 8/22/2025 at 3:11 PM, Sony12 said:

As long as you are honest with your intentions and don't try to lead her on then you should be ok. Specifically tell her that you aren't looking for a relationship right now. If you do that then you are ok. If she chooses not to listen to you then that is on her. An 18 year old is old enough to understand the difference between casual sex and sex within the context of a relationship.

What I honestly would worry about most with an 18 year old is her getting pregnant. You can take precautions but sometimes those precautions don't work and at other times you two get caught up in the moment and don't take those precautions beforehand.

That's one thing I definitely enjoyed with the 55 year old lady and the older women I have been with since her. We could have as much sex as we wanted and I knew she wasn't going to get pregnant.

Its weird how some people on this thread can't differentiate between a hookup and relationship, rght?

August 25

2 hours ago, JennZZ said:

Its weird how some people on this thread can't differentiate between a hookup and relationship, rght?

It’s much more weird that you appear to think that it is ethically more acceptable for a man in his 30’s to hook up with an 18 year old girl for sex than to have a relationship with her.

I have no problem with sex without emotional connection. I’ve had casual hookups myself and I don’t view them as something inherently negative. I would also never judge an 18 year old girl for hooking up with a guy of any age. It’s the guy’s behavior that I find needlessly creepy.

August 25

27 minutes ago, Gebidozo said:

It’s much more weird that you appear to think that it is ethically more acceptable for a man in his 30’s to hook up with an 18 year old girl for sex than to have a relationship with her.

I have no problem with sex without emotional connection. I’ve had casual hookups myself and I don’t view them as something inherently negative. I would also never judge an 18 year old girl for hooking up with a guy of any age. It’s the guy’s behavior that I find needlessly creepy.

As long as what they are doing is legal that is all that really matters. Everyone has different interests and what they view as being morally wrong. If an 18 year old is ok with being a sex doll for an older man she is old enough to make that decision.

A large portion of people on apps these days have done age gap dating. Some like it more than others and some enjoy it so much that that is all the dating they do. As long as they aren't committing any crimes it's up to them to decide if it is for them or not. I am sure you have some interests or behaviors that some folks wouldn't like or possibly approve of either.

August 26

7 hours ago, Sony12 said:

I am sure you have some interests or behaviors that some folks wouldn't like or possibly approve of either.

Yes, I used to date very young women while being a much older man.

Again, I’m not condemning the girl’s behavior. Yes, you are right, she is 18 and old enough to choose. It’s not wrong of her to sleep with whomever she wants to.

It’s the man’s behavior that I’m worried about. Sleeping with 18 year olds when you’re in your 30’s indicates some serious insecurities, lack of emotional maturity, and deep-running dissatisfaction.

I know that, because I’ve been there.

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