witabix Posted January 14, 2006 Posted January 14, 2006 It is now over. I will not go into the details. I have read through some other NC type posts, the one by No Foolin was particularly useful. I do not wish to burden my friends with what I am going through right now. I have never been good at asking for help or pouring my heart out to others face to face when I am in pain. I feel ok, I now see that I have nothing to gain by going back, I need to be strong now. I am climbing from the wreckage. This will be a long night. I am worried that I may crack and text her, or that she will text me, or even call around. What should I do if she does? Ignore her? What? Any help here would be appreciated.
lilmoma1973 Posted January 14, 2006 Posted January 14, 2006 Sorry Witabix that you are feeling this pain and LS is here for you so vent on .. Pour your heart out on here cause you don't want to with your friends !! If i remember correctly she left you for another,don't communicate with her at all .. Make her think you have moved on ,you deserve better than her .. I know it will be hard but i know you can do it!! If you feel the need to call or text her get on here and vent..Good luck
Author witabix Posted January 14, 2006 Author Posted January 14, 2006 No Lilmona, that was a different woman, a long time ago. I feel a rant coming on, but can't really form the words at the moment. Thanks for your reply and support.
Ruff Ryder Posted January 14, 2006 Posted January 14, 2006 Whats up mate? I know the pain and i know the fustration. Its a real killer. I have just started NC should have done it a long time ago. Any way about your possition. Just stay well focused on your goals and your dreams stay possitive and in controll. You can chose what you think and how you feel. That is a huge statment to make but with some practise it does work. Just be true to you. Let her go if you even have the slightest doubt in your mind. Move on if you feel that is what has to happen. If you want her back belive that she will come bach have fait that she will and go about your daily tasks. Never live in the past and dont wait for the future. now is all you have so live it up MASSIVE is what you need to do. I started sky diving and its great Im loving it. I still feel very deeply for my ex but that is what she is my EX so i have to get ahold and move on. Just make decisions for you and you will be all good. Remember that you were happy with out the ex and will be happy again it comes from you not someone else. Keep smiling and keep living. have a good one and best of luck to you.
ciara12step Posted January 14, 2006 Posted January 14, 2006 i feel you bro .. best thing to do is continue NC .. when she texts u , try to hold out and not text back .. i've played this NC game several times .. whats crazy is usually after a day and a half or 2 , she ends up texting or calling .. but now im on day 2 again .. and i have to be stronger.. cause we are not doin good at all .. i know how you feel, because you dont wanna do NC too long and have them lose interest, but i guess if they lose interest that fast then its really not meant to be ? which i hope isnt the case, just stay strong , let them come to u
UT_longhorn Posted January 15, 2006 Posted January 15, 2006 witabix, its good that at least youre aknowledging its over. I dont know if I've even completely done that after about 2 weeks of NC. Youre light years ahead of me. But yea...like the other guys' response...go NC. Its pretty damn tough but you gotta do it man. I think Im finally feeling a miniscule bit of healing coming on.
LN8840K Posted January 15, 2006 Posted January 15, 2006 They say you can't heal from a breakup untill you accept that the relationship is in fact over .......it also seems to be the hardest part of breaking up.... but once you get there, the finish line is in sight ...... I am on day 14 of no contact .. last night sucked but today I have been laughing and feeling good and thats the first time since before I started no contact that I have felt good ...which makes me wonder why I did not start it a lot sooner....... It will get better
Author witabix Posted January 15, 2006 Author Posted January 15, 2006 Thanks guys for your backup here. I appreciate it so much you will never know. Here's how tonight panned out. I texted her and asked her if she wanted to talk. She said yes. I had already decided that I had had enough. There was no reason on this earth why I would want to go back to what was before. I walked in and said this.... "I am here to apologise for what I have said and done. All my actions are my responsibility. All that I have said and done is my fault. You in no way had anything to do with what I felt. I am here for us to gain closure on what has happened." She launched into a tirade about what a liar I was. That I was a liar even now. That I made her feel like she had degraded herself, that she was disgusted with herself that she had given me over a year of her life, disgusted with herself about she had trusted me..... it went on, and on. I stood and listened to every word, then asked her if she felt any responsibility for what had occured. She simply reiterated her disgust at herself for being with a man like me. My posts up to this date will give you a picture, purely from my perspective I agree, with what has occured. I am now in closure. I offered her my hand, and best wishes for and her family, for the future as I was leaving. She again launched into a tirade about how I could not talk about her family. I gave up trying to talk and left. I am so sad she could not engage in an adult conversation. Maybe it was her way of dealing with it, attack me, instead of thinking for a moment that it takes two to tango. That it takes two to really screw it up. I was completely accepting of my role in making a mess of it. She simply added to my accepted responsibility by blaming me for all she felt. I give so totally f***ing up. I am so mad. I am so sad. I really gave her everthing I am. She f***ed about, and when I explained what she was doing, and why I didn't like it, she f***ed about some more, and kept on f***ing about. I treated her with respect and understanding, she treated me like an idiot, like a dog, tug on the f***ing leash and I would come running. tell you what f*** her now, she had something she was too f***ing stupid to see. I am a good man, not perfect, not a dream guy, not Mr f***ing Perfect at all, but by Jesus I am a good man. She was so up her own arse she couldn't see it. Holy smoking Moses, I laid back and held her when she couldn't have sex, it hurt her to receive penetration. She told me of something horrible that had happened. But no details. I f***ing held her while she was crying, and said "Don't worry Baby, its ok, I understand". Her bro broke his alcoholic holiday, and who did she turn to, who offered to go looking for him? You guessed it right. When her car was trapped in a flood who waded through chest deep water and shyte to save it, you guessed right again. I even sang her nephew to sleep and fed him, like I did with own kids. Well forgive me all, but f*** that, f*** that into the Jordan River in a Ten gallon Hat. f*** THAT SO FAR OVER THE RAINBOW!!!! I will continue to rant in my own mind untill I am done. Sod this, sod this. sod this..........
UT_longhorn Posted January 15, 2006 Posted January 15, 2006 hey man. it sucks to see anyone going through the mind f8ck that you seem to be going through. at least you can hold your head up high and still say that you treated her the best you could, put your best into the relationship and walk away with pride. It seems like you realize that she was treating you like sh*t and that you should hate her, but it never seems to work out that way..does it. hey man. keep your head up. i was in hell for the past few weeks. I got put on my knees and prayed to God for relief. It cuts...but your gonna be alright man. Time heals.
Art_Critic Posted January 15, 2006 Posted January 15, 2006 Sorry your going thru it Witabix.. Keep posting..
Author witabix Posted January 15, 2006 Author Posted January 15, 2006 Went to bed, woke up a little while ago. Middle of the night here. Just cleared my shower room out, of all her things, put them in trash, with the words "This is over now". She threw all the gifts of jewelry I gave in her street last night. Handmade stuff, my friend is a silversmith. I put them back by her door. And asked her if she got them back. She said she hasn't seen them. Why am I so awake now? Why is my heart pounding? Why do I feel so sick? I do not hate her, but I do not want her near me, or to speak to her. I told her as I left, do not phone me, text me or come near me. So what am doing sitting here in the middle of the night typing this stuff on this website. I will tell you why. Because I have nothing else to do to relieve my mind. There is a botttle of whisky in the other room. I have no intention of going near it. Thats not what I need. I wish I had a car, I would go away somewhere, just to be somewhere where this awful feeling isn't. Like I can leave it behind. What a total jerk I have been. What is the point? Is it all truly my fault? No, that simply cannot be true. You know what just went through my mind? She never made me even a sandwich in all the time we were together. Not one crumb of food. I cooked for her everytime we ate. We spent ONE night together in her flat, in over a year, ONE NIGHT. She was totally non participatory in our sex life, I put it down to the rape she suffered, and I still do. I led her by the hand through discovering that again. She even thanked me once or twice for showing her how to enjoy sex again. I did that. With my understanding and thoughtfulness. I could not have been a man she would be disgusted with herself over, how can she be? I do not want an apology or a gold medal or a f***ing street named after me. I just wanted to help her, another human being. I have learned from this that that is not my role. That giving myself so much without it being reciprocated is not healthy. Someone said in another post to me, I am not her counselor or doctor. That is so true. I don't know if any women will read this. I want to say that I do not blame all women, or all victims of rape, or anything like that at all. She took from me, always took, I ran out of things to take. So I say now, to her via this digital board, I take myself back, in its entirety. I am not hers anymore. No part of me. I am ME. ME ME. ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME! There is no hate here. There is no understanding. There are no excuses. There are no reasons. But there is me.
Basic Posted January 15, 2006 Posted January 15, 2006 Man, you're sure going down a hard road. Time brother, give it time, it will pass. I don't know if you're an alcoholic or not. If not, a drink or two might give you some harmless escape. But don't overdo it.
Author witabix Posted January 15, 2006 Author Posted January 15, 2006 Thanks Basic, no I am not an alcoholic. Its way too early in the morning here to be drinking! I know I can find no answers in a bottle, I know for me that it is no escape either. But thanks for your reply man, appreciate it.
Gold Pile Posted January 15, 2006 Posted January 15, 2006 Sorry for your pain. GP was there once, 4 years of fun and it was over. Early on the heartache was so bad I couldn't sleep right. It was on my mind all day. Deep down I knew the feeling would lift someday, but I needed some moments of relief now. Mid week I'd have a couple of drinks with my buddies. Saturdays (formerly spent with her) I'd stay home and drink more than the midweek 2. Maybe did this for 3 weeks. That and watching comedy really helped me get past the hardest time. I really think that suffering the effect of tremendous stress is more unhealthy than a few drinks used to lessen it. You're gonna have good days and bad days. After a few good ones you'll be very upset to find a bad one crop up again. But the bad ones are less and less as time passes.
Lonestar Posted January 15, 2006 Posted January 15, 2006 It is now over. I will not go into the details. I have read through some other NC type posts, the one by No Foolin was particularly useful. I do not wish to burden my friends with what I am going through right now. I have never been good at asking for help or pouring my heart out to others face to face when I am in pain. I feel ok, I now see that I have nothing to gain by going back, I need to be strong now. I am climbing from the wreckage. This will be a long night. I am worried that I may crack and text her, or that she will text me, or even call around. What should I do if she does? Ignore her? What? Any help here would be appreciated. If there's not hope of working it out then you need to ignore her until you're not emotionally attached anymore. Go out and try to have some fun. If you keep smiling, eventually it will feel natural.
Author witabix Posted January 15, 2006 Author Posted January 15, 2006 Thanks for your words again. Gold Pile, odd that you mentioned comedy, thats what I have done all day, Comedy Central. I have never seen this programme before. There is some really funny stuff. Dane Cook and Mitch Hedburg gave me some good laughs, just what I need. I am not gonna break my routine though. I socialise with my friends a lot. I am not going change any 'habit' to avoid anything. I am going to go out, and I am going to go out tonight, not to get wasted but to sit in my fave bar, where everyone knows me and when the resident musicians ask me to get up and play I am going to do just that, play the guitar and sing the blues. And you know what? There will be no tears, 'cause they will be wasted. "They call it stormy monday, yes but tuesday’s just as bad. They call it stormy monday, yes but tuesday’s just as bad. Wednesday’s even worse; thursday’s awful sad. The eagle flies on friday, saturday I go out to play. The eagle flies on friday, but saturday I go out to play. Sunday I go to church where I kneel down and pray. And I say, "lord have mercy, lord have mercy on me. Lord have mercy, lord have mercy on me. Just trying to find my baby, won’t you please send her on back to me." The eagle flies on friday, on saturday I go out to play. The eagle flies on friday, on saturday I go out to play. Sunday I go to church, where I kneel down, lord and I pray. Then I say, "lord have mercy, won’t you please have mercy on me. Lord, oh lord have mercy, yeah, won’t you please, please have mercy on me. I’m just a-lookin’ for my sweet babe, so won’t you please send her home, Send her on home to me." T Bone Walker. Oh the irony, and the pathos. 1
Author witabix Posted January 15, 2006 Author Posted January 15, 2006 If there's not hope of working it out then you need to ignore her until you're not emotionally attached anymore. Go out and try to have some fun. If you keep smiling, eventually it will feel natural. Thanks Lonestar, I feel this is good advice. There is another question here though. One that will simply not go away, no matter how hard I try. "If there's not hope of working it out ..." How can I convince myself of this? How do I KNOW this?
UT_longhorn Posted January 15, 2006 Posted January 15, 2006 watabix...ive realized that everyone will hold on to that hope of getting back together. its been a 13 days of nc and I still hold on to a bit of hope that she will come back to me. but after what you wrote about her selfish behavior...do you REALLY want her back? or do you just want to stop the pain? think about it man. its gonna be tough man. but its gonna get better. it really really is.
Author witabix Posted January 15, 2006 Author Posted January 15, 2006 Thanks UT. I am going out of mind now. Really on the edge. See my post entitled... My Final Contact, I am wavering so badly here, about to fall off the horse, Getting a big thing ready to hand her....
brashgal Posted January 16, 2006 Posted January 16, 2006 I wish I had a car, I would go away somewhere, just to be somewhere where this awful feeling isn't. Like I can leave it behind. In the words of Paul McCartney - "baby you can drive my car..." Problem is that it doesn't matter how far you drive, you can't leave your brain behind. Time heals all wounds. Keep posting, your support group is here for you.
riobikini Posted January 16, 2006 Posted January 16, 2006 Witabix, I have read your posts. Not all of them, -just the ones in this thread and a few scattered here and there. I gather you have quite a lot of history here in the forum. One thing I have noticed in particular, is that throughout your ordeal with this woman and this relationship, you have consistently responded with sincerity, caring, and wisdom to others who have brought their broken hearts and problems to the forum desperately looking for someone to tell them its all going to be OK, and give them even just the wee bit of hope they need to make it through to the next day. You poured out your heart in your own post, -but you didn't sign out, you stayed and tried to help someone. That seems to be your nature, -like in the following quote from you: Witabix: I just wanted to help her, another human being. I am smiling right now, because I recognize that distinct characteristic, as well, -in you, in myself, and in others often posting in the forum. Which is a beautiful thing, -and a huge part of what makes this forum work. I know you're going to be OK, -you know you're going to be OK, -but it helps to hear (or read) someone say that. Before I go, there is one thing I want to say, and it concerns the quote from you, given below: RE: Witabix:" I am a good man, not perfect, not a dream guy, not Mr f***ing Perfect at all, but by Jesus I am a good man." You are right, -you are a good man- but more than that, Witabix, you are an absolutely amazing one, too! Here's a hug: And keep posting. You're gonna be OK. (Smile) -Rio 1
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