guide me por favor. should i reach out?

[Gebidozo]

1 hour ago, coconutcoast said:

i think we as human beings live and learn. we undergo growth and become better individuals. a lot of people make mistakes, a lot of people part from one another and return together better than before. i am one of the people that self-reflects & was always into the world of self dev/growth. if he shares that, we can make something good out of it. 

Sorry, but this sounds like you’re rationalizing the fact that you can’t disengage yourself from that strange and utterly unsatisfying relationship.

On a side note, it’s actually extremely rare that people part and then get together better than before.

[coconutcoast]

5 minutes ago, Gebidozo said:

Sorry, but this sounds like you’re rationalizing the fact that you can’t disengage yourself from that strange and utterly unsatisfying relationship.

On a side note, it’s actually extremely rare that people part and then get together better than before.

have you ever heard of the "no contact rule"?

Edited 19 hours ago by coconutcoast

[Gebidozo]

2 hours ago, coconutcoast said:

so w/ this logic, you can say i wasn't into him either. since i didn't want to see him so often.. what did i do that he didn't?

Well, to be honest, I would never accept a serious relationship where my partner and I live only an hour apart yet only see each other once per month. So yes, if you suggested that to me I’d definitely think that you weren’t really into me.

But, judging from your description, his investment in the relationship was even less than yours, to the point that he made you feel that he wasn’t as attached to you as you were to him.

[coconutcoast]

10 minutes ago, Gebidozo said:

Well, to be honest, I would never accept a serious relationship where my partner and I live only an hour apart yet only see each other once per month. So yes, if you suggested that to me I’d definitely think that you weren’t really into me.

But, judging from your description, his investment in the relationship was even less than yours, to the point that he made you feel that he wasn’t as attached to you as you were to him.

he got tired of the virtual world.

[coconutcoast]

let me put it this way

even if this man had dropped down on one knee, or even asked me to get just engaged with him within the next year, i would've been unsure. so in all fairness, i too had no "plan". i was upset hearing it from him, but i was in the same exact mindset. i was with him because i had feelings for him and a lot of the time i felt like he was my twin flame. we mirrored each other a lot, shared the same attributes/characteristics. now you might laugh & say well if you saw him as your tf why didn't you engage more, etc. in summary i wasn't ready. 

with that being said, is it fair that i use that "no plan" against him when i would've rejected it if he had one?

Edited 19 hours ago by coconutcoast

[ExpatInItaly]

OP,  you don't need our endorsement to reach out to him. 

It's clear you really want to and are looking for reasons to do so. So, go ahead. 

[flitzanu]

22 hours ago, coconutcoast said:

in all fairness, he desired more frequent "dates", but that frequency was what worked for me. i cannot blame him only. we both had avoidant tendencies, both grew up with similar parenting that messed us up in similar ways. plus i was always the independent, introverted type that did not want to live my life on call or glued to a guy, losing my autonomy. we were both "lone wolfs". but when one of us reached out there was never a delay in response & we were always there for one another. there was chemistry of all sorts from the getgo, both online & in person. but we were reluctant/scared to let ourselves go. 

why is it that he is the one that should have reached out by now if he cares? what if he has that same thought process about me? 

the last question, why is it on him, is simple.

he dumped you, therefore he's the one that would be reaching out to you to reconcile this.  if you reach out, you're just going to be met with more of the same ambivalence and lack of interest, because you already reached out once to try to fix this and you were met with ambivalence and some weird response about "dancing" and you wanted resolution that you didn't get.  and then he just went completely silent.  

if he cared at all, don't you think he would have reached out over the last 3 months?

[coconutcoast]

3 hours ago, flitzanu said:

the last question, why is it on him, is simple.

he dumped you, therefore he's the one that would be reaching out to you to reconcile this.  if you reach out, you're just going to be met with more of the same ambivalence and lack of interest, because you already reached out once to try to fix this and you were met with ambivalence and some weird response about "dancing" and you wanted resolution that you didn't get.  and then he just went completely silent.  

if he cared at all, don't you think he would have reached out over the last 3 months?

he did not dump me. before i brought that to his attention, to him we were fine/stable. he didn't see a need/rush to virtually interact more than we were. but for some reason i wanted that. maybe out of love, attachment, distraction, etc. when he told me he had no plan, it was to express how there is no state of urgency for us to be behaving in a way as if we were part of 90 day fiance. in summary he was just seeing where it goes and if we were truly right for each other (which i was too). we both didn't want to make a move that we both weren't ready for. i know in my heart of hearts that if i had proposed to spend real time with him, he would've been much more excited about that. 

we both went completely silent. i went silent the night before i posted the stories. he said something unrelated to the texting, etc, was talking about his day & i just replied with ok. then the next day after his "lol" at one of the "funny" stories, he had nothing else to add i guess after observing that i was in a serious, getawayfromme mood after all. would you reach out to your gf after she categorizes you as someone that's affecting her mental health? & refers to you as terrifying?

https://www.instagram.com/p/DGUicKtsvSo/

 

Edited 4 hours ago by coconutcoast

[basil67]

2 hours ago, coconutcoast said:

would you reach out to your gf after she categorizes you as someone that's affecting her mental health? & refers to you as terrifying?

Hell no.  If that's how they see me, then the relationship is clearly done