Crazy dating experience, did not predict that! Any ideas?

[Evolver]

Hi, I am a male based in UK and have been online dating for a few months. I've just had a crazy experience, and wondered if anyone encountered anything similar? I will try to summarize as much as possible. Recently I matched with a lady (early 50s) and we started exchanging messages the dating site, then transferred over to phone calls. She mentioned that she'd rejected a lot of men on the dating site, but I got her attention because I asked interesting questions that intrigued her. As her name was on the dating profile photo, I curiously googled her on social media and discovered she had a TikTok page with over 3000 followers! The video content was crazy and funny miming to songs and dancing, usual TikTok stuff. Her Facebook page had 400 followers. During the course of the week she sent me good morning texts, and daily video messages, saying how she was looking forward to the date on Thursday. She spoke a lot about the things we could do in future, as if she was planning a future for us! On the date we intended to play crazy golf, so she said she'd bought a fancy dress golf outfit for me to wear! She was approximately 60 miles away but we arranged to meet halfway on the Thursday evening. She messaged me on the way saying how nervous she was. Golf place was closed so we had a game of pool then onto a pub. Once she got over initial nerves we were quite touchy and affectionate the whole time. At the pub, we got a table outside. At some point I went to the rest room, and when I came back she had decorated the table with 2 miniature cakes and candles, and then sang happy birthday to me through a plastic microphone. It was a nice surprise, as I mentioned to her that my birthday was recent. We had a great connection and spent most the night laughing. She was extremely eccentric similar to her TikTok persona. We held hands as we walked back to the cars. We climbed into the back of my car for a cuddle, but got a bit carried away. On thing led to another, and we ended up heavy petting for a good while, to the point that she actually climaxed. She actually shouted my name as she climaxed. She said she hadn't been this intimate with anyone in a long time. We cuddled a bit more before parting ways. She sent me a voice message when she got back thanking me for a great night, and for the intimacy. The following morning I get a 'good morning x' message. A few messages were exchanged during the day, and she sent a sexy message in the evening just before she went out to meet her friends. Fast forward to early next morning, and she sends a message saying she has been reflecting on things and does not think we should see each other again! I know it is easy to speculate at this point, but I have a strong suspicion that her friends persuaded her not to pursue the relationship. There's an old saying that 'single friends like to keep their friends single'. A lot of single women do not like the idea of some guy dragging their single friend away. I know it is easy to say forget and just move on, but I just cannot comprehend how someone could have such a drastic change of mind is such a short period, and it seemed too much of coincidence that she had just been out with friends. Does anyone have an idea what could have happened here, especially the fact that she had invested so much into us meeting up, and also the long term plans for us going forward?

[Gebidozo]

If she really makes decisions based on what her friends tell her and not on what she wants, then her maturity level is on par with that of a high school student. Obviously, you wouldn’t want to date someone like that anyway.

Another possibility is that her friends have nothing to do with her decision. She was obviously attracted to you, had a fun sexual experience, and then decided she doesn’t want a relationship with you. This happens all the time and there is nothing strange or unusual about that.

What you see as a drastic change of mind might be just a logical decision not to start a relationship when the attraction and the connection on her side appear to be only sufficient for one great night of sexy fun. 

[ShyViolet]

It's a complete waste of your time to speculate what her reasons may have been.  You have no idea if it was her friends that persuaded her not to see you again.  That is just a random guess on your part, based on nothing.  We cant read her mind, we can't speculate either.  Figuring out her reasons doesn't matter now, the only thing that matters is that she decided not to see you again and so there's nothing to do but move on.

This is a woman you went on ONE date with.  Try not to make more out of it than what it was.

[ExpatInItaly]

She sounds like she was in constant performance-mode. 

Honestly, a lot of her behaviour would have been a turn-off to me. She's in her 50s, not her teens. I am a woman too and your descriptions of her have me rolling my eyes. She is too much. 

3 hours ago, Evolver said:

A lot of single women do not like the idea of some guy dragging their single friend away. 

Yeah, no. Not to the extent that we would persuade a friend not to date someone. That isn't generally how we behave with single friends, OP. There may be some incredibly immature 50-somethings out there but it's quite a stretch to assume this is what happened. 

Anyyway, take this as a lesson: be wary of people who come too strongly before they even know you. They are the ones who are just as likely to bounce, as this one did. 

[Alvi]

3 hours ago, Evolver said:

The following morning I get a 'good morning x' message. A few messages were exchanged during the day, and she sent a sexy message in the evening just before she went out to meet her friends

Why didn't you just arrange another date with her instead of chatter? Not saying this is your case, but sometimes you snooze you lose.

3 hours ago, Evolver said:

. Fast forward to early next morning, and she sends a message saying she has been reflecting on things and does not think we should see each other again!

A person is entitled to change their mind for whatever reason. It happens. Her friends may or may not have anything to do with her decision. People multidate nowadays so maybe she felt a stronger connection to another guy. Or maybe you don't check all her boxes. Really, it could be anything.

[Evolver]

8 hours ago, Gebidozo said:

If she really makes decisions based on what her friends tell her and not on what she wants, then her maturity level is on par with that of a high school student. Obviously, you wouldn’t want to date someone like that anyway.

Another possibility is that her friends have nothing to do with her decision. She was obviously attracted to you, had a fun sexual experience, and then decided she doesn’t want a relationship with you. This happens all the time and there is nothing strange or unusual about that.

What you see as a drastic change of mind might be just a logical decision not to start a relationship when the attraction and the connection on her side appear to be only sufficient for one great night of sexy fun. 

Thanks for your response. I'm just speculating about her friends, due to the fact she was happy making plans with me just before heading out to meet her friends, then texted me the next morning after her night out saying she didn't want to carry on with our relationship.

[Evolver]

9 hours ago, Gebidozo said:

If she really makes decisions based on what her friends tell her and not on what she wants, then her maturity level is on par with that of a high school student. Obviously, you wouldn’t want to date someone like that anyway.

Another possibility is that her friends have nothing to do with her decision. She was obviously attracted to you, had a fun sexual experience, and then decided she doesn’t want a relationship with you. This happens all the time and there is nothing strange or unusual about that.

What you see as a drastic change of mind might be just a logical decision not to start a relationship when the attraction and the connection on her side appear to be only sufficient for one great night of sexy fun. 

Thanks for your response. As I said in original post I'm just speculating about the friends due to the time interval of her going for a night out then texting me the day after. You are left feeling that you did something wrong. I did text her back to see if she wanted to talk about it. She actually responded, which surprised me, and said she wasn't in the mood to talk. I have left it there.

[Evolver]

9 hours ago, Gebidozo said:

If she really makes decisions based on what her friends tell her and not on what she wants, then her maturity level is on par with that of a high school student. Obviously, you wouldn’t want to date someone like that anyway.

Another possibility is that her friends have nothing to do with her decision. She was obviously attracted to you, had a fun sexual experience, and then decided she doesn’t want a relationship with you. This happens all the time and there is nothing strange or unusual about that.

What you see as a drastic change of mind might be just a logical decision not to start a relationship when the attraction and the connection on her side appear to be only sufficient for one great night of sexy fun. 

Thanks for your response. As I said in original post I'm just speculating about the friends due to the time interval of her going for a night out then texting me the day after. Also you are left feeling paranoid that you did something wrong. What confused me is the fact she spent all week was making all these long term plans for us. I did text her to see if she wanted to explain the reasons. She actually responded, which surprised me, and said she wasn't in the mood to talk. I have left it there.

[Evolver]

6 hours ago, ShyViolet said:

It's a complete waste of your time to speculate what her reasons may have been.  You have no idea if it was her friends that persuaded her not to see you again.  That is just a random guess on your part, based on nothing.  We cant read her mind, we can't speculate either.  Figuring out her reasons doesn't matter now, the only thing that matters is that she decided not to see you again and so there's nothing to do but move on.

This is a woman you went on ONE date with.  Try not to make more out of it than what it was.

Thanks for your response. As I said in original post I'm just speculating about the friends due to the time interval of her going for a night out then texting me the day after. Also you are left feeling paranoid that you did something wrong. I did text her to see if she wanted to explain the reasons. She actually responded, which surprised me, and said she wasn't in the mood to talk. I have left it there.

[Gebidozo]

5 hours ago, Evolver said:

You are left feeling that you did something wrong.

Hmm… I don’t know. If a woman love-bombed me like she did to you, I’d probably be too turned off to be feeling any guilt over my potential wrongdoing. And I certainly would expect this kind of thing to crash and burn very quickly.

I mean, this sort of thing happens a lot. I was guilty of that myself many times in my youth, just getting infatuated with the atmosphere of a romance and love-bombing women terribly. Sometimes they did that to me, too, like saying they were in love with me when we literally just met, and so on.

That is understandable, but immature. I’m actually quite surprised that the woman you’re talking about is 50. This kind of stuff is more typical of 20 year olds.

[Sony12]

Yeah sounds like she was playing the same character she plays in her tik tok videos. Not uncommon for fooling around to happen on the first date but some of the other things you mentioned she did on the first date sounded a bit odd. And to be honest unless her pants were off and you saw her orgasm I wouldn't at all be surprised if she was faking. Someone who is comfortable enough to go into the backseat and fool around on the first date probably has been around the block enough times to not have an orgasm just from a little first date fooling around.

[Evolver]

24 minutes ago, Gebidozo said:

Hmm… I don’t know. If a woman love-bombed me like she did to you, I’d probably be too turned off to be feeling any guilt over my potential wrongdoing. And I certainly would expect this kind of thing to crash and burn very quickly.

I mean, this sort of thing happens a lot. I was guilty of that myself many times in my youth, just getting infatuated with the atmosphere of a romance and love-bombing women terribly. Sometimes they did that to me, too, like saying they were in love with me when we literally just met, and so on.

That is understandable, but immature. I’m actually quite surprised that the woman you’re talking about is 50. This kind of stuff is more typical of 20 year olds.

Yes she was literally like a real life cartoon character, bright clothes, red hair etc... similar to her TikTok persona 

[Sanch62]

15 hours ago, Evolver said:

She said she hadn't been this intimate with anyone in a long time.

Yeah, it might have been hours since last time, and hours before she told the next guy the same thing. Maybe she's on another site posting her hot encounters...who knows?

If you want to get involved with a keeper, use discretion to keep dating until you find someone who also uses discretion. 

[Sony12]

What kinds of stuff does she talk about on her channel? Is it about her social life? If so she likely tries to get experiences so she has actual real life content for her viewers and isn't having to make things up.

You might be a subject of a future tik tok video.

 

Edited Wednesday at 04:46 PM by Sony12

[Evolver]

6 minutes ago, Sony12 said:

What kinds of stuff does she talk about on her channel? Is it about her social life? If so she likely tries to get experiences so she has actual real life content for her viewers and isn't having to make things up.

You might be a subject of a future tik tok video.

 

That's a good point, she mainly dances along to songs and mimes the lyrics, fairly harmless stuff... she has over 2000 followers

[Carlston]

Ok I'll play.

You said that while you were in the rest room she decorated the table with 2 miniature cakes and candles.

Perhaps she was reflecting back on the date and decided she couldn't be with a guy who spends so much time in the bathroom.

[flitzanu]

i know it sounds weird, but sometimes people say what they actually mean. 

she just said she didn't feel like there was a future and it can literally be as simple as that, that she wasn't into it and didn't want to drag it out.

[Evolver]

2 hours ago, Carlston said:

Ok I'll play.

You said that while you were in the rest room she decorated the table with 2 miniature cakes and candles.

Perhaps she was reflecting back on the date and decided she couldn't be with a guy who spends so much time in the bathroom.

[Sanch62]

On 8/20/2025 at 1:45 PM, flitzanu said:

i know it sounds weird, but sometimes people say what they actually mean. 

she just said she didn't feel like there was a future and it can literally be as simple as that, that she wasn't into it and didn't want to drag it out.

I agree, and I don't think this sounds weird. I think we're just focusing on the element of celebrity or someone who wants that for themselves, being possibly more inclined to keep seeking a quantity of 'fans' over the quality of a potential commitment to one person.

Are we accurate? Who knows. I think tossing out this idea makes rejection easier to accept, especially after getting hot and heavy sexually. To some people, that means nothing, while to others it means a lot. That's not a value judgment except when it comes to finding someone who matches your own view on that. So maybe getting sexual off the bat might rule out the kind of discretion and discernment you may find to be a better match for you?

If not, just keep going for that, but temper your expectations that a person who will go there with you will automatically want to keep going there with you.

Edited Thursday at 06:07 PM by Sanch62