I found out my fiance is flirting with other men at work , what should i do ?

[ticaaa]

I love my fiance she is a good person and very attractive , we are suposed to get married summer next year , the problem is that i found out she flirts with other men

She works at a firm that is split into 13 teams , each team has 20-25 people , my girlfriend is the only woman in her team , they finished a project and to celebrate they went to some lakehouse to celebrate , only them no girlfriends/boyfriends , my girlfriend downloaded some videos and photos in our laptop and i watched some of them , guys were grabbing her behind her neck , playfully punching with some guys , she was sitting next to a guy close ( shoulders touching ) when she got up to get a drink she put her hand on the guy's leg above his knee and when she got back she did the same  

I asked someone from her team that im close with if something happened between her and that guy and he said that they didnt see them kiss or something like that but they were in the care and they were sitting in the middle ( its like a minivan 3 seats in the front , 3 in the middle and 3 in the back ) , the guy was resting on the seat from the left and middle and my girlfriend was playfully trying to put the seatbelt around his neck and eventually he did it to her and he put his hand on her leg above the knee and left it there , my friend told me that she didnt move her leg or told him to back off 

the driver was trying to park the car with the back between two cars and the guys were making fun of him that he cant find the hole just like during sex and after he parked the car he asked my girlfriend  " do you like how i put it in " and she said " not its too soft "

I asked her about all this and she said that it was all just friendly stuff and nothing more , i said that it doesnt make me feel better and she told me that she doesnt want to be the kind of anti social girl and the only solution would be to quit her job

What should i do ? im kinda worried

[Sony12]

At this point you shouldn't overreact as you don't have any proof that she has done anything other than joke around with coworkers. She might be naturally a little flirtatious. 

If it bothers you that much though you might begin wondering if you two are really right for one another. You aren't going to change her personality and you don't have proof that she did anything with these guys other than joke around with them.

 

 

[Sony12]

You also need to consider that if she indeed is the only woman of the group it is likely a very testosterone driven atmosphere. It's a good job for her so she is going to want to get along with people.

[MsJayne]

Placing hands on legs is totally inappropriate. You can touch someone lightly on the arm when talking, or give someone a quick hug to greet them or when you say goodbye, or place a hand on a shoulder if someone's upset, there's certain types of touching that are OK, but hands on legs is not one of them. 

3 hours ago, ticaaa said:

she told me that she doesnt want to be the kind of anti social girl and the only solution would be to quit her job

What a load of horse s**t. The solution is not to encourage inappropriate touching by being a flirtatious airhead and giving out the "I'm available" vibe. I'm biased because flirty people irritate me, I find them fake and sleazy, as well as often disrespectful of other people's boundaries. For 17 years I was the only female in my workplace, and not once, not ever, did any of the males ever touch me, and I was very attractive when younger. That's because I interacted with them like a professional instead of a flirtatious twit. Tell your girlfriend to grow up and have some respect for you and think hard about marrying this one. 

[Gebidozo]

Either she really thinks that this was all just friendly stuff, while you obviously don’t, then you have incompatible views about boundaries, about what is proper and what is improper.

Or she acknowledges that this level of touching is inappropriate, but doesn’t want to appear “anti-social” and just goes with that.

If it’s the first case, just tell her you’re not okay with this and ask her to not do this again. If she refuses, then break up with her.

If it’s the second case, I’d personally break up without further discussion. I’m not against flirty behavior per se, I’m flirty myself and so is my partner, this is just a character trait. But what I don’t like is when people do things they know to be inappropriate only to blend in or “not to make waves” or whatever, just because others expect them to behave that way.

It’s not that she’s going to be executed or even fired from her job if she doesn’t let that guy put his hand on her leg. All she should do is not guide him into doing that or remove his hand if he does it.

[Interstellar]

What’s this girl’s age? she sounds like she’s in her early 20’s. Don’t overreact or get angry at her. However, keep your eyes and ears and radar open.

Lower your interest level, and don’t marry her. It’s not gonna get better.

Edited Wednesday at 03:59 AM by Interstellar

[ticaaa]

6 minutes ago, Interstellar said:

What’s this girl’s age? she sounds like she’s in her early 20’s. Don’t overreact or get angry at her. However, keep your eyes and ears and radar open.

Lower your interest level, and don’t marry her. It’s not gonna get better.

shes 27

[Sanch62]

You are not going to change her; you'll only make yourself miserable trying.

I would make this less about her and more about me, and how I want to live my life. Envision a future of mistrust and looking over your shoulder and sleuthing for clues of betrayal, then decide whether that's how you'll want to spend your future.