Should I break up with my gf?

[Gunners999]

I feel really sad, i'm 31 she is 28,  we met 3 years ago whilst overseas so we have maintained a long distance relationship where we meet up usually once every 3-4 weeks.

She is caring, family oriented, spends a lot on me, is generally a good person. 

The problem is, she has a hard time managing her emotions. I find it really difficult to bring things up with her because she will be very dismissive, or shut down, start crying etc.

A recent example - she wanted to go travelling to another country and open credit card (to get flying point), i kindly and gently explained to her, this sounds good and I'm open to it, but i also would like to save for a new car and future house deposit, but we can talk about it. She took this as sign of rejection and started crying hysterically, i had to comfort her.

This has been an on going issue. To me, she feels very comforting, i don't have many friends, we talk daily, she accepts me and my 'weird' traits (i am neurodivergent), but overtime, i have felt drained and tired by her, even when i spend time with her in real life, she she needs constant reassurances, and cries often, (no matter how calm,gentle,kind i try and express things to her).

It's really hard, we have been fighting lately - our latest argument is because she is upset i haven't brought up plans to spend christmas together, and she has a point, i don't bring up many things about future plans together, but the honest truth is i am experiencing tiredness and burnt out feeling, and this is the crux of the issue, i can't even explain this to her because she will say i'm just making up an excuse.

 

It just seems so silly, she doesn't seem to have much empathy towards me. I often feel very tired with work, calling her, activites. I understand her point, it's fair, she does  need secuirty about the future, but i can't even feel comfortable telling her this without her shutting down, dismisisng met. 

hope this makes sense.

[Els]

9 hours ago, Gunners999 said:

I feel really sad, i'm 31 she is 28,  we met 3 years ago whilst overseas so we have maintained a long distance relationship where we meet up usually once every 3-4 weeks.

A recent example - she wanted to go travelling to another country and open credit card (to get flying point), i kindly and gently explained to her, this sounds good and I'm open to it, but i also would like to save for a new car and future house deposit, but we can talk about it. She took this as sign of rejection and started crying hysterically, i had to comfort her.

I'm confused. You are long distance and don't live together. How is it YOUR problem that she's going traveling and opening a credit card? Why would you have any say in how she spends her own money? Or do you have joint finances for some bizarre reason despite being long distance?

What do you mean by your statement that she "spends a lot on you"? Is she financially supporting you?

Edited August 19 by Els

[Gunners999]

19 hours ago, Els said:

I'm confused. You are long distance and don't live together. How is it YOUR problem that she's going traveling and opening a credit card? Why would you have any say in how she spends her own money? Or do you have joint finances for some bizarre reason despite being long distance?

What do you mean by your statement that she "spends a lot on you"? Is she financially supporting you?

What?

She wanted to go travelling together and open a credit card for each other

Why would I have any say in how she spends her money? That's an odd question.

We don't have join finances.

No she isn't financially supporting me, she buys me lots of presents and gifts.

[Els]

7 hours ago, Gunners999 said:

What?

She wanted to go travelling together and open a credit card for each other

I see, so it wasn't that "she wanted to go traveling", but rather that she wanted both of you to go traveling together and you don't want to. Is that correct? Also, why do you need to "open a credit card for each other"? 

And if money is a concern for you, why not suggest that she buy you fewer presents, and just pay for a larger share of the joint expenses when you travel together? Does she pay for all the trips to meet up every month, or do you share these expenses? Can the trip be done in place of a meetup instead?

Why don't you have friends?

Sorry, there's just a lot that's not really adding up here. Do you have a therapist whom you can talk to about this?

[ShyViolet]

The point is not the financial details.... the point is that she sounds emotionally immature, emotionally unstable, and she constantly freaks out and cries whenever there is a slight conflict or a need to discuss something.  You sound like it's very draining and exhausting on you.  I don't blame you.  If you aren't enjoying the relationship anymore, and if her constant emotionally unstable behavior is just draining you, then absolutely end the relationship.  You don't live together and you are long distance.  It would be easy for you to end it without a lot of loose ends to figure out.

[Els]

14 hours ago, ShyViolet said:

The point is not the financial details.... the point is that she sounds emotionally immature, emotionally unstable, and she constantly freaks out and cries whenever there is a slight conflict or a need to discuss something

Respectfully, I don't think it's as simple as that. From what I can see: The OP doesn't have friends that he can talk to, and she appears to be the only person he talks to regularly. She "spends a lot of money" buying "lots of presents and gifts" for a man whom she meets 12 times a year. They've been together for 3 years with no plans to close the distance. 

His partner certainly does seem to have difficulty regulating her emotions, but there seems to be a LOT more going on beneath the surface of this "relationship" than that.