Guy said he’s not ready for a relationship after 6 months?

[Anonymous]

So met this guy in Jan ending, we started dating in Feb. He told me on the first date that he wasn’t rushing for a relationship due to getting cheated on his last. That he will be open when the right opportunity comes along. I said okay there should be boundaries. So for six months, we were not physical. We just simply went on dates and fostered the connection. We had insane chemistry, and he bought me gifts, spoken to my mom, and met my close friends. I also dated other guys as well as I wasn’t going to wait for him. 

Fast forward to last month, we started getting closer as I was sleeping over and he finally initiated a kiss, holding hands, and we had sex. We were also planning a trip in November.  He wanted to be sexually exclusive, and I asked if he saw us moving towards casual or towards serious? 
 

He said that he wasn’t ready for a relationship due to having personal things to work on. He said that he told me in the beginning, and we should have had the convo before we had sex. I told him I wasn’t going to wait for him, and it’s best I find someone that wants me for me. That he also gave me mixed signals. He still asked if we could see still see or talk, and I said no that I needed space. We used to talk everyday as well. I’ve cut contact since last Tuesday. He’s just viewing my stories.

[Sanch62]

6 hours ago, Anonymous said:

...we should have had the convo before we had sex.

This is true. It makes no sense to sleep first and ask questions later.

[BaileyB]

6 hours ago, Anonymous said:

He said that he wasn’t ready for a relationship due to having personal things to work on.

He may not realize this, but he is in a relationship. Much of what you describe are aspects of a “relationship” - he just hasn’t called it that yet. 
 

6 hours ago, Anonymous said:

He said that he told me in the beginning, and we he should have had the convo before we had sex.

Yes, he should have told you how he felt before you had sex. 

 

6 hours ago, Anonymous said:

I told him I wasn’t going to wait for him, and it’s best I find someone that wants me for me.

Good for you. The same thing happened to me once before - I did the same. I did not want to waste my time “dating” a man who did not want the same thing that I wanted. 

 

6 hours ago, Anonymous said:

He still asked if we could see still see or talk, and I said no that I needed space.

Easy for him to ask, because he will happily enjoy whatever attention you are willing to spend his way. It’s much harder for you because you are the person who wants more and had to settle for less.

Good for you for standing up for what you want - never accept less. In my case, he took a year and got himself to a better place… he then sent me an email asking if I would meet for coffee because he “still thought of me often…” that was 10 years ago and we got married last year. 

If he wants to be with you, he will make it happen. Never settle for anything less…

[Gebidozo]

Personally, I don’t quite understand how you can date someone for half a year, have a connection, have sex, and not call it a relationship.

Also, he said himself he wants the sex to be exclusive. So how is this not a relationship?

Some strange confusion is going on in his mind.

If you care for this guy, tell him that if he cares for you too he should overcome whatever fears he has and call this a relationship. If he refuses, just leave him be and move on.

[ExpatInItaly]

I wouldn't have carried on with someone who didn't even kiss me for six months. To me, that complete ack of any physical intimacy signals friendship more than a romantic connection. 

Yes, I get that you finally got there and slept together. But that fact there wasn't even a kiss for 6 months is a red flag to me. And he's asking for sexual exclusivity and to keep talking even though he doesn't want to be your boyfiriend?

Son, no. Bye. 

[stillafool]

You are doing the right thing by breaking it off.  If he doesn't feel strongly enough about you after 6 months and finally sex it's doubtful he ever will.  Of course he wants to be sexually exclusive. I would too with a person I'm having sex with.  There are some nasty diseases out there.

[MsJayne]

On 8/19/2025 at 4:34 AM, Anonymous said:

He told me on the first date that he wasn’t rushing for a relationship due to getting cheated on his last.

It's about time he got over it. If his last three girlfriends cheated on him it you'd expect him to be cautious, but it was one girlfriend, he's being precious and you're right to dump him. 

[Anonymous]

On 8/18/2025 at 8:23 PM, Gebidozo said:

Personally, I don’t quite understand how you can date someone for half a year, have a connection, have sex, and not call it a relationship.

Also, he said himself he wants the sex to be exclusive. So how is this not a relationship?

Some strange confusion is going on in his mind.

If you care for this guy, tell him that if he cares for you too he should overcome whatever fears he has and call this a relationship. If he refuses, just leave him be and move on.

Exactly what everyone is saying. Yeah I told him I’m looking for serious, that I’m not about to be friends with benefits for 6+ months. I’m 27, he’s 26. I even told him is it because of another girl? He said that I was the only one he was really talking to. So…? 

[Anonymous]

18 hours ago, MsJayne said:

It's about time he got over it. If his last three girlfriends cheated on him it you'd expect him to be cautious, but it was one girlfriend, he's being precious and you're right to dump him. 

Thank you. Mind you, he was still with the friends with said ex until this Jan. I told him I’m not gonna wait for him. He’s just been viewing my stories. Yesterday made one week NC.

[Anonymous]

21 hours ago, stillafool said:

You are doing the right thing by breaking it off.  If he doesn't feel strongly enough about you after 6 months and finally sex it's doubtful he ever will.  Of course he wants to be sexually exclusive. I would too with a person I'm having sex with.  There are some nasty diseases out there.

Thank you. We did raw briefly, and because of that I got a yeast infection and BV. He told me to send my results once I got them bc I was having discomfort after we had it. I didn’t send them after the phone call. 

[Sanch62]

Just now, Anonymous said:

He said that I was the only one he was really talking to. So…? 

So, he's not willing to commit to not talking to anyone else going forward.

Is that good enough for you?

[Anonymous]

On 8/18/2025 at 10:28 PM, ExpatInItaly said:

I wouldn't have carried on with someone who didn't even kiss me for six months. To me, that complete ack of any physical intimacy signals friendship more than a romantic connection. 

Yes, I get that you finally got there and slept together. But that fact there wasn't even a kiss for 6 months is a red flag to me. And he's asking for sexual exclusivity and to keep talking even though he doesn't want to be your boyfiriend?

Son, no. Bye. 

Thank you. I genuinely thought it was a slow burn. Plus, I dated other guys so I didn’t care. My friends and family were saying the same thing. 

[Anonymous]

1 minute ago, Sanch62 said:

So, he's not willing to commit to not talking to anyone else going forward.

Is that good enough for you?

Not really because if that’s the case, why not commit? He said he isn’t ready for a relationship. So what are we doing then if there’s no label?

[Anonymous]

On 8/18/2025 at 8:19 PM, BaileyB said:

He may not realize this, but he is in a relationship. Much of what you describe are aspects of a “relationship” - he just hasn’t called it that yet. 
 

Yes, he should have told you how he felt before you had sex. 

 

Good for you. The same thing happened to me once before - I did the same. I did not want to waste my time “dating” a man who did not want the same thing that I wanted. 

 

Easy for him to ask, because he will happily enjoy whatever attention you are willing to spend his way. It’s much harder for you because you are the person who wants more and had to settle for less.

Good for you for standing up for what you want - never accept less. In my case, he took a year and got himself to a better place… he then sent me an email asking if I would meet for coffee because he “still thought of me often…” that was 10 years ago and we got married last year. 

If he wants to be with you, he will make it happen. Never settle for anything less…

Thank you. I’m so glad I didn’t put myself down. Up to him at this point.

[ExpatInItaly]

12 hours ago, Anonymous said:

Thank you. I genuinely thought it was a slow burn. 

Not even a kiss for 6 months is not a slow burn. 

That is a lack of romantic interest or something else very unusual going on.  I wouldn't wait around that long next time, because it's bound to end the same way. Something has been off the whole time. 

[Sanch62]

On 8/20/2025 at 11:44 AM, Anonymous said:

Not really because if that’s the case, why not commit? He said he isn’t ready for a relationship. So what are we doing then if there’s no label?

It isn't even about the label, it's an agreement to stop seeking other people while you're committed to one another.

Sexual exclusivity is about safety of the body, so it makes sense when two people intend to have sex regularly. But emotional exclusivity is the foundation of any committed relationship because it's an agreement to trust one another. Without that trust, you're agreeing to a 'casual' scenario where you can both keep seeking someone else.

But DO learn from this that we are each responsible for defining where we stand with one another before sex. We can't assume that getting sexual equates to an emotional bond. It's up to us to clarify this with a partner before investing in trust.

Assuming he 'should have' reminded you where he stands before getting sexual puts that power into another's hands. We are not at the mercy of hidden assumptions--we are responsible for obtaining the clarity we need to move forward--with anything. A job, a contract, an agreement. It's the meeting of two minds rather than attempting to read between the lines.

Head high, we all learn through living. You're smart to walk away from anything less than what you want for your Self and your own future.

[introverted1]

On 8/20/2025 at 11:40 AM, Anonymous said:

We did raw briefly, and because of that I got a yeast infection and BV. He told me to send my results once I got them bc I was having discomfort after we had it. I didn’t send them after the phone call. 

You should let him know so he can see his doctor and not spread either of these to someone else.