My girlfriend would go out alone with a (male) friend — red flag?

[murra]

Let me be clear: my girlfriend has gone out alone with some of her male friends before — specifically two guys she’s been very close friends with since high school — and I’ve never had a problem with it. I’m totally fine with that.

But then there’s this other guy (let’s call him Luca) who was also in her high school class. They’ve always been friends, but nothing more. He used to hang out with her group of friends, and he’s also a friend of her ex.

Today, she and Luca are still on friendly terms, but they barely see each other throughout the year because they now belong to different friend groups. Occasionally, the groups meet up and they see each other then. This summer, Luca started texting her now and then to try and reunite the old group for some nights out (sometimes he also texted another girl who is in the friend group of my GF).

But one day, Luca asked my girlfriend to go to the sea — just the two of them, nothing planned with the group. She declined because she had to study, and he replied, “Okay, I was asking because no one else was coming today.” (To me his answer seemed like a convenient excuse to make it look innocent)

When I found out, I immediately expressed how uncomfortable I felt — to me, it was clearly a one-on-one "date" (especially since they’ve never gone out alone before). She insisted it wasn’t, that it was purely friendly, and that she’s known him for a long time and is sure he wasn’t hitting on her. I told her that I’d be absolutely against something like that in the future and that it would really bother me. She said she understood and that she’ll avoid doing that moving forward.

So… am I crazy for feeling this way, or was I right to bring it up?

P.S.: I’ve never actually met Luca (he knows about me, of course) because my girlfriend and I met at university and we both live far from home during the academic year. We only go back to our hometowns during the summer. I know her close friends, but not him — because he’s not really one of them.

Edited August 18 by murra

[murra]

I want to say that I trust she would reject him but still I find it unrespectful to put yourself in that situation, simply as that

[Els]

She declined when he asked. You got very upset when you found out that he asked, and you told her that, and she said she'll say "no" again to him if he ever asks her again, since it bothers you so much.

So... what exactly is the problem here?

[murra]

just trying to understand if I am wrong and what I should do better

[flitzanu]

so why is it you don't trust your girlfriend not to have sex with him on the beach?

[MsJayne]

If he rarely speaks to her maybe he doesn't understand that she's in a committed relationship. Don't make a big deal of something that didn't happen. 

[Gebidozo]

8 hours ago, murra said:

just trying to understand if I am wrong and what I should do better

Maybe try to get over your insecurities that lead you to experience unease and jealousy over a meeting with a friend.

If you trust your girlfriend, don’t prevent her from hanging with whoever she wants to. She might refuse to see some friends just to make you feel comfortable, but if this happens again and again, she’ll get exhausted from the control and eventually might leave you.

[Els]

On 8/20/2025 at 1:44 AM, murra said:

just trying to understand if I am wrong and what I should do better

Personally, I wouldn't be with a partner who thinks I shouldn't do anything one-on-one with a male friend. Constant one-on-one hangouts or anything involving an overnight stay is a boundary for me, but just going out in the day occasionally wouldn't be a problem for me or my partner.

But that's just me. At the end of the day, each relationship has different boundaries, and it's up to you and your partner to negotiate yours. You suggested a boundary and she agreed to it, so that's fine. Just make sure you hold the same boundaries for yourself and your female friends.

[introverted1]

Were you invited to this trip to the beach? Or was your gf home while you were in another city?  

Anyone who isn't a friend of the relationship is not an actual friend.