First date in 10 years - went well - no reply in 24 hours

[Honeypocket]

Just came out of a 10 year relationship, it's fresh, lets say 2 weeks i've been single. Even before that I didn't usually do a lot of the type of modern dating structure I see here. I was younger back then and it was straightforward for me, I would go very quickly from online or in-person to a relationship. None of the first date, second date, third date stuff.

So I have a lot of relationship experience, but not a lot of dating experience. Anyway, I met this girl on Bumble, we have a lot in common, we spoke non-stop for almost 5 hours! In the end the date basically only ended because we were trying to get the train home, she had a long journey ahead.

The date itself went well in basically most departments, except she was not physically intimate. It had playfulness and depth. She basically liked 98% of what I said and gave me some solid compliments and she was warm to my teasing. In the first 5-10 minutes, it was a bit awkward but after that she made firm eye contact for hours and listened to every single word I said. I knew because she would ask follow-up questions about everything and was never distracted by anything or anyone. The walks we had felt great. We started in a restaurant, had cocktails, walked through the mall, walked through the park, ended up at another spot, talked some more, did more walking. I felt like there was ALMOST a window for physical intimacy, but my gut told me it wasn't 100% right, it was about maybe 60% right. She felt comfortable around me, but was not quite fully invested yet, I could tell.

I enjoyed her company a lot and she seemed to be happy and she even switched gears to the point where I believe in the past 30 minutes I saw her full unfiltered self.

The only real slip-up I made was right at the end, and this was a sub-conscious slip, not even a conscious decision. I guess this is where the 10 years out of the game factored in heavily. I was so into her in the moment that right at the end when the date was about to end, I felt sad all of a sudden (like just immediately, no time to try to pretend and mask it, it was a reflex), so my good bye was awkward, I can't remember exactly what I said, but basically we had to catch a train and I said oh see you soon and I want to keep talking it's too bad, she felt my sadness and tried to see if I could stay with her, but I think we decided the platforms were too far apart, so I said see you soon again, these words that I was saying at this point were not really words I was thinking of, they were just immediate reflexes because I was just all of a sudden sad. Unfortunately for me, it was just pure emotion, ZERO filter. I didn't have time to try to process it or moderate it, or do anything with it. That was just 100% what I was feeling. So that probably wasn't the best.

When I got home very late I texted her about if she got home safe and that I enjoyed the date. She messaged about an hour later and said she had been so tired and thanks for both the afternoon and evening. The following morning around 10 am I think it was I told her I enjoyed the date and she made it fun. She replied  2 hours later saying thanks for the compliment. I then replied half an hour later asking for a 2nd date.

And now it has been about a day with no reply.

I know this is within the window, but I don't really know what to expect now, or what to do if it gets to the danger zone.

 

Ok I should add, I am probably not supposed to be dating, as I am a bit fresh from the past relationship, but we are here now, and she seems great. Even if I concede that I shouldn't be dating, I would like to see her again in a few months' time. My housemate thinks I need a year, but I don't know about all of that.

Edited August 17 by Honeypocket

[Sony12]

It was just a first date. The majority of first dates don't turn into second dates. From how you described it you had a very normal first date and both of you were pleasant to one another. 

She thanked you for the date after your first text. Her not responding to you talking about a second date is just her way of telling you thanks but no thanks. 

Next time don't wait until the third text to bring up meeting up again. Either bring it up at the end of the first date or your first after date text to her.

[Honeypocket]

D

30 minutes ago, Sony12 said:

It was just a first date. The majority of first dates don't turn into second dates. From how you described it you had a very normal first date and both of you were pleasant to one another. 

She thanked you for the date after your first text. Her not responding to you talking about a second date is just her way of telling you thanks but no thanks. 

Next time don't wait until the third text to bring up meeting up again. Either bring it up at the end of the first date or your first after date text to her.

Yeah, I wouldn't care if she wasn't so damn perfect. Such a shame. I mean there was basically only ONE thing I didn't like about her, out of all the things you might put on a list. Okay maybe two. Lets say a list of 30 things, there was probably two things, okay maybe three.

3/30 common themes. I don't know if I'll get this lucky again.

[Sony12]

9 minutes ago, Honeypocket said:

D

Yeah, I wouldn't care if she wasn't so damn perfect. Such a shame. I mean there was basically only ONE thing I didn't like about her, out of all the things you might put on a list. Okay maybe two. Lets say a list of 30 things, there was probably two things, okay maybe three.

3/30 common themes. I don't know if I'll get this lucky again.

You had one date with her. You don't really know hardly anything about her. You are building her up in your mind. She's probably just an experienced dater so she knows how to get a long with the her dates during the time she is around them.

Edited August 17 by Sony12

[Honeypocket]

3 minutes ago, Sony12 said:

You had one date with her. You don't really know hardly anything about her. You are building her up in your mind. She's probably just an experienced dater so she knows how to get a long with the her dates during the time she is around them.

yeah I don't know anything about her relationship dynamics, for example, I just know more about her personality and ambition.

I probably am putting her on a pedestal and overestimating her in my mind, and underestimating the future potential of prospective dates.

I guess, since this is new to me, I have a lot of calibration to do. It was a good experience, it's just been a shock to the system. It is not a normal experience for me. I guess it is very normal for her.

[Sony12]

12 minutes ago, Honeypocket said:

yeah I don't know anything about her relationship dynamics, for example, I just know more about her personality and ambition.

I probably am putting her on a pedestal and overestimating her in my mind, and underestimating the future potential of prospective dates.

I guess, since this is new to me, I have a lot of calibration to do. It was a good experience, it's just been a shock to the system. It is not a normal experience for me. I guess it is very normal for her.

If she is good looking (which I assume she is for you to become a little infatuated with her):she probably has a lot of men contacting her on these dating sites. After people have gotten a little bit of experience in dating they begin saying what they think the other person wants to hear. It doesn't necessarily mean that they themselves feel that way though. 

Generally you won't know how people feel about you until the date is over (unless they become intimate with you on the first date) because they want the date to be both a positive experience for them as well as for you.

Edited August 17 by Sony12

[Honeypocket]

58 minutes ago, Sony12 said:

If she is good looking (which I assume she is for you to become a little infatuated with her):she probably has a lot of men contacting her on these dating sites. After people have gotten a little bit of experience in dating they begin saying what they think the other person wants to hear. It doesn't necessarily mean that they themselves feel that way though. 

Generally you won't know how people feel about you until the date is over (unless they become intimate with you on the first date) because they want the date to be both a positive experience for them as well as for you.

Yeah she is not just good looking but my type. And what made it even more heightened was when I saw her, in the first few seconds I couldn't even recognise her, she was at least 30% more beautiful in person than her photos! So that just sent my brain into overdrive. Because I was already attracted to the baseline, and this was 30%+ exceeding it. I couldn't believe it. I think she picked up on that in the first few seconds. Because later on, when I complimented her personality for living up to what she had said, she chose to translate it to her physicality (she was probably reading between the lines). I think many guys would not necessarily rate her as highly as I would, she just fits my taste. And she had emotional depth and intelligence.

Yes, I didn't know a lot, but the little I did know was already better than what I would say many people have to work with. She did show some orange flags towards the end, which I didn't push back on. She said some slightly questionable things and I didn't approve nor disapprove vocally. Though my body language may have been a tell. I suppose the other reason was her anger was justified, just not the particular reaction (she said some classist things). So I probably chalked it up to being "emotional".

Anyway, technically speaking I probably shouldn't even be dating. As I type this another girl just asked me how long I have been single, and I don't know what to say.........

[Sony12]

22 minutes ago, Honeypocket said:

Yeah she is not just good looking but my type. And what made it even more heightened was when I saw her, in the first few seconds I couldn't even recognise her, she was at least 30% more beautiful in person than her photos! So that just sent my brain into overdrive. Because I was already attracted to the baseline, and this was 30%+ exceeding it. I couldn't believe it. I think she picked up on that in the first few seconds. Because later on, when I complimented her personality for living up to what she had said, she chose to translate it to her physicality (she was probably reading between the lines). I think many guys would not necessarily rate her as highly as I would, she just fits my taste. And she had emotional depth and intelligence.

Yes, I didn't know a lot, but the little I did know was already better than what I would say many people have to work with. She did show some orange flags towards the end, which I didn't push back on. She said some slightly questionable things and I didn't approve nor disapprove vocally. Though my body language may have been a tell. I suppose the other reason was her anger was justified, just not the particular reaction (she said some classist things). So I probably chalked it up to being "emotional".

Anyway, technically speaking I probably shouldn't even be dating. As I type this another girl just asked me how long I have been single, and I don't know what to say.........

If you have indeed only been single for a few weeks most will view that as a red flag that you probably aren't ready to date yet.

I honestly would wait at least a few months before putting yourself out there. 

[Gebidozo]

OP, I think you’re getting a little bit too excited about that girl. This is understandable for someone in your situation, you just came out of a long relationship and there is a void to fill. My advice is to slow down and let in a healthy dose of skepticism.

I had many dates like the one you described. There was that girl I went on three or more dates with. We walked in a park and talked for hours. Nothing ever came out of it. Having a lot of things to talk about is just one of the several aspects that come on top of base mutual sexual chemistry, which I’m not sure you and she had. There are a lot of great women out there who seem like great fits on paper, but if the mutual magic doesn’t happen it just doesn’t, let it go and don’t regret. 

[ExpatInItaly]

4 hours ago, Honeypocket said:

Even before that I didn't usually do a lot of the type of modern dating structure I see here.

What you call "modern dating structure" is likely what most people would call "using common sesne and a mature, measured pace to get to know someone."   You seem to be in too much of a rush.

4 hours ago, Honeypocket said:

She felt comfortable around me, but was not quite fully invested yet, I could tell.

Why would she? You are a stranger to her. Of course she is not fully invested. It would be weird if she were. 

4 hours ago, Honeypocket said:

these words that I was saying at this point were not really words I was thinking of, they were just immediate reflexes because I was just all of a sudden sad. Unfortunately for me, it was just pure emotion, ZERO filter.

I don't get it - what exactly did you say? 

[smackie9]

At this time, you should keep your dance card full and your heart empty. 

[ThorLyonsSalem]

She is not interested if she hasn't responded by now.  Move onto the next one. 

[Sanch62]

I would keep first meets shorter so that they can be sweeter. If you oversaturate, your date may go along with it, even enthusiastically at the time, but it's usually unrecoverable.

As a woman, I don't buy into the suggestion to ask for a second date while on the first or immediately afterward. I need some time to process, and too much eagerness feels like a fly in my face that I want to swat. Wait a day or two at least.

I understand your background offered you insta-relationships, but pressing for that with new dates is overwhelming and a turn-off. I like @smackie9's suggestion to keep your dance card full. Set up multiple 'quick meets' so that you can move your focus to the next potential match already scheduled rather than sink yourself into a focus on any given person. This way, if good things shake out with anyone, you can cancel upcoming meets, but you'd be wiser to consider dating like finding a needle in a haystack. It's less pressure, more practice, and you can train yourself to recognize rejections merely as people who can't view you through the right lens. Hang in there, and hopefully, enjOy!

Edited August 17 by Sanch62

[Versacehottie]

to add to the other great explanations & advice that you've gotten...i would say that when someone is just out of a a relationship...like FRESHLY haha...often they are so looking to "slot someone new in" that they will do what it seems like you might have done. They will make the other person "perfect" for them in their eyes (when they really couldn't know yet) and get quite eager to press things along...move from dating (which has built-in uncertainty) to the security of KNOWING you've locked down this person.   Like, one clue to me that you might have been doing that is you said she was perfect (and better than you imagined)  and that you can only think of one, then you revised to two, then revised to three things "wrong" with her. That makes it seem like you are trying to slot in a new girlfriend. 

Being on a date with someone that is eager to get to the relationship stage so they can avoid the hurt of being single/loss of their recent relationship can feel great to you----but super obvious to her. I think what can end up happening is the person ie this girl in this case can feel like "you don't really GET her" but want a girlfriend based on nothing really. Or a decent/good first date....worst case it makes you look a bit desperate to replace your missing girlfriend (ooh turnoff, sorry) or the person doesn't feel appreciated for who she really is---making her feel like a placeholder. I would guess it's a version of this going on...but if it isn't, the second guess is well it's just the math/stats of 1st dates turning into 2nd: it's a smaller percentage that make it.

I don't know that blanket timeframes are the right thing to give you for when it's good for you to be dating. I'd guess you will really feel it. 2 weeks post 10 year relationship (which is long so you are probably quite used to being in a relationship even if you don't miss your ex specifically! and it's within the realm of possibility that you'd quickly want a replacement)...so yeah that's really soon. Not impossible of course but more than likely too soon.  I will also say for your dating game--whenever a guy is on here saying "i did everything perfectly" but then feel like they might have messed up one part, I usually think they are the type that overthinks stuff and that is no bueno, not sexy. Being overly cautious about worrying about doing everything perfectly usually doesn't work out too well from what I've noticed. Be yourself. Don't worry that much about "mistakes" because that can give an uptight/not fun/not confident vibe the whole date...while you are worrying about not f*cking up, she's bored out of her mind with a plastered on grin. lol, general "you".  Good luck

 

[Sanch62]

20 hours ago, Versacehottie said:

...while you are worrying about not f*cking up, she's bored out of her mind with a plastered on grin.

Hah! Yep. Or she seems very friendly while getting plastered on gin.

[Honeypocket]

On 8/18/2025 at 5:28 AM, Versacehottie said:

to add to the other great explanations & advice that you've gotten...i would say that when someone is just out of a a relationship...like FRESHLY haha...often they are so looking to "slot someone new in" that they will do what it seems like you might have done. They will make the other person "perfect" for them in their eyes (when they really couldn't know yet) and get quite eager to press things along...move from dating (which has built-in uncertainty) to the security of KNOWING you've locked down this person.   Like, one clue to me that you might have been doing that is you said she was perfect (and better than you imagined)  and that you can only think of one, then you revised to two, then revised to three things "wrong" with her. That makes it seem like you are trying to slot in a new girlfriend. 

Being on a date with someone that is eager to get to the relationship stage so they can avoid the hurt of being single/loss of their recent relationship can feel great to you----but super obvious to her. I think what can end up happening is the person ie this girl in this case can feel like "you don't really GET her" but want a girlfriend based on nothing really. Or a decent/good first date....worst case it makes you look a bit desperate to replace your missing girlfriend (ooh turnoff, sorry) or the person doesn't feel appreciated for who she really is---making her feel like a placeholder. I would guess it's a version of this going on...but if it isn't, the second guess is well it's just the math/stats of 1st dates turning into 2nd: it's a smaller percentage that make it.

I don't know that blanket timeframes are the right thing to give you for when it's good for you to be dating. I'd guess you will really feel it. 2 weeks post 10 year relationship (which is long so you are probably quite used to being in a relationship even if you don't miss your ex specifically! and it's within the realm of possibility that you'd quickly want a replacement)...so yeah that's really soon. Not impossible of course but more than likely too soon.  I will also say for your dating game--whenever a guy is on here saying "i did everything perfectly" but then feel like they might have messed up one part, I usually think they are the type that overthinks stuff and that is no bueno, not sexy. Being overly cautious about worrying about doing everything perfectly usually doesn't work out too well from what I've noticed. Be yourself. Don't worry that much about "mistakes" because that can give an uptight/not fun/not confident vibe the whole date...while you are worrying about not f*cking up, she's bored out of her mind with a plastered on grin. lol, general "you".  Good luck

 

Yeah, I think I was doing that. Though I will say I was putting some effort genuinely get to know her, I was just rushing through it. I did avoid relationship questions, because I was afraid she would turn things around on me, and I wasn't sure if I could handle the heat.

And yes I was ignoring things that I didn't like. There were two things she said towards the end of the date that I really didn't like, one I tried to push back against and then just gave up, and the second I really didn't want to push back against. It wasn't anything about me that she said, but I didn't like how she viewed other people. But interestingly when I said one person had done something odd, she pushed back against it immediately because she saw herself in that person I guess.

The other thing I just noticed about her profile is it doesn't actually say anything about relationships ANYWHERE, it just says deep chats and her other interests. And on the date, we indeed had deep chats, but she mentioned nothing about relationships once again. Interestingly, she might not actually be looking for a relationship. She also made herself seem unanchored. Kept emphasising how she has no idea where she will be at various intervals.

I was indeed too eager to please her, and I realise that even what I wrote in my 2nd date invitation may have been a nail in the coffin. The location I chose was specifically to accommodate her. She probably would have liked to see more backbone.

but I am no longer livid about it. Friday was intense for me, because I feel things very deeply (good things and bad things), then Saturday was hell on earth because I CRASHED, I could barely handle coming down from that high. Sunday was better, but I was disappointed (hence creating this account), now Monday I am at peace. But my oh my, Saturday was bad.

I will be making some changes to my outlook going forward. I have identified some problems in how I have approached things, and I have actually already started working on myself. Some of these things I already knew, I just need to do the work.

[Honeypocket]

On 8/17/2025 at 9:17 PM, ThorLyonsSalem said:

She is not interested if she hasn't responded by now.  Move onto the next one. 

She has now replied. She said she enjoyed the date but got a friendship vibe and said she spent a long time thinking about it. I know, I know, that is a definite no.

But at the same time, I am the sort of person that if I have nothing to lose, I like to keep skin in the game. So I found a clever reply that acknowledged what she was saying but left things open to change. She replied again and say that she said thanks for the honesty and it's good to know.

Now importantly, it does not affect my frame of mind. I have moved on mentally, I am doing other things with life, talking to many other women etc. All I am saying is if it costs me absolutely nothing to keep things open, then why not. And she was happy  with my response.

I won't entertain her friendship (I absolutely will not be friends with someone I have an attraction for) and I won't contact her again, but if she contacts me, I know what to do.

[Gebidozo]

It’s good that you have moved on mentally. I don’t think “keeping things open” is a good idea, though. As you understand yourself, “friendship vibe” means “no romantic attraction”, and that won’t change. On the other hand, the next girl with whom you’ll have mutual attraction will definitely not like it that you still haven’t closed the door on this one.

[ExpatInItaly]

There is a lot more going on inside you all of this caused you crash, over some random woman you met one time. 

I would turn your focus there to figure out how you can better manage your mental state and emotions. It's disappointing when someone isn't interested, yes, but it's conceming that you experience such intense ups and downs over a one-time meeting. If you don't address this and find more effective ways to manage your expectations and cope when things don't quite go according to plan, you are going to find dating extremely difficult. 

5 hours ago, Honeypocket said:

But at the same time, I am the sort of person that if I have nothing to lose, I like to keep skin in the game.

I think you are not being honest with yourself here. You have a lot to lose if your emotions are this fragile and you don't handle disappointment very well. What I mean is that you experience things so intensely that it comes at an emotional cost to you when they don't go the way you imagined.  This huge crash on Saturday is a reflection of the fact that your coping skills need a big tune-up. I find it hard to believe that you would be okay being friends without being terrinbly upset if you then learned she'd met someone else and was dating him. I don't think keeping any door open here is smart or in your best interestes. Not until you get a better handle on your feelings and emotional equilibrium. 

[Interstellar]

On 8/17/2025 at 10:22 AM, Honeypocket said:

D

Yeah, I wouldn't care if she wasn't so damn perfect. Such a shame. I mean there was basically only ONE thing I didn't like about her, out of all the things you might put on a list. Okay maybe two. Lets say a list of 30 things, there was probably two things, okay maybe three.

3/30 common themes. I don't know if I'll get this lucky again.

Dude, you don’t know anything about this lady. She’s a stranger. Everybody puts their best foot forward on the first few dates. Now if she did all these positive signals during the six month mark, then I would trust her… just a little bit. You also said she said some questionable things, so she’s not perfect after all. Now i understand you’re fresh out of a 10 year relationship so you’re in dating limbo, you don’t know what’s going on. It’s also okay to feel those emotions with someone, just don’t verbalize it to her, that way you come off as cool like Daniel Craig in Casino Royale. It’s also good to make sure she got home safe.

 

Edited Wednesday at 03:50 AM by Interstellar

[Sanch62]

16 hours ago, Honeypocket said:

I won't entertain her friendship (I absolutely will not be friends with someone I have an attraction for) and I won't contact her again, but if she contacts me, I know what to do.

I agree with not playing friendzies with anyone you'd prefer to date romantically.

You recognize that it's technically too soon to date, but consider why. You've spent 10 years in 'relationship mode'. That doesn't leave people quickly. So you will operate in that mode on dates, which will come off as presumptuous and blind to the healthy testing ground for which dating is supposed to be used. You'll signal a myopic need to land a replacement partner quickly, and you can't fudge this because you won't necessarily recognize the ingrained signals you're giving off.

The best way to resolve this? Grow into comfort being single. That takes as long as it takes, and it will help you develop the healthy discretion to temper your expectations and your dating behavior.

[Els]

2 weeks is REALLY soon to be dating after coming out of a 10-year relationship. Really, really soon. I wouldn't necessarily say you need a whole year, but you should at least be single for several months to clear your head and to get over your last relationship.

I suggest you think about your motivations for jumping into dating again so soon. It's one thing if it happened organically and you weren't expecting it, but that wasn't the case here. It feels to me like you're looking for a rebound, and you're projecting your sudden loneliness onto this person, hoping for them to fill that void.

That's usually a bad idea.

[Versacehottie]

19 hours ago, Honeypocket said:

Yeah, I think I was doing that. Though I will say I was putting some effort genuinely get to know her, I was just rushing through it. I did avoid relationship questions, because I was afraid she would turn things around on me, and I wasn't sure if I could handle the heat.

And yes I was ignoring things that I didn't like. There were two things she said towards the end of the date that I really didn't like, one I tried to push back against and then just gave up, and the second I really didn't want to push back against. It wasn't anything about me that she said, but I didn't like how she viewed other people. But interestingly when I said one person had done something odd, she pushed back against it immediately because she saw herself in that person I guess.

The other thing I just noticed about her profile is it doesn't actually say anything about relationships ANYWHERE, it just says deep chats and her other interests. And on the date, we indeed had deep chats, but she mentioned nothing about relationships once again. Interestingly, she might not actually be looking for a relationship. She also made herself seem unanchored. Kept emphasising how she has no idea where she will be at various intervals.

I was indeed too eager to please her, and I realise that even what I wrote in my 2nd date invitation may have been a nail in the coffin. The location I chose was specifically to accommodate her. She probably would have liked to see more backbone.

but I am no longer livid about it. Friday was intense for me, because I feel things very deeply (good things and bad things), then Saturday was hell on earth because I CRASHED, I could barely handle coming down from that high. Sunday was better, but I was disappointed (hence creating this account), now Monday I am at peace. But my oh my, Saturday was bad.

I will be making some changes to my outlook going forward. I have identified some problems in how I have approached things, and I have actually already started working on myself. Some of these things I already knew, I just need to do the work.

I believe that you believe you attempted to get to know her...but based on what evidence you were gathering, I'm puzzled at how you felt you had "enough" to determine she was perfect for you; and based on how you felt about what you discovered, I am also puzzled as to why you felt she was "perfect" for you.  That signals what I thought it could be most likely: that you were looking for a replacement and to feel the good feelings of a relationship again quickly without much real or significant thought processes behind it and probably wanted the ego boost of someone fairly attractive to you being into you. That last one is understandable if you feel a certain way after a breakup and being uncertain about your future in the dating world. (lol, doesn't mean it's good to do but awareness is the first step ).  I can get behind the stuff you said you "didn't like" that show some good assessment skills for determining the ideal partner for you like: not liking how she viewed other people, that's highly important IMO.  

There were other statements in your post that I think are too black and white and create unrealistic expectations and measures that seem like they are helping you determine "something" but are actually a metric of nothing really. (bolded) Like the stuff about "relationships".  You can't only see view her actions or inactions through how you would do something. I know lots of people that don't write specifically about relationships on their profiles...i mean it's it sort of a given depending on what app we're talking about. I mean no one should presume too much but it's also false statement if someone specifically says they are looking for a relationship because every single person MEANS "if I feel you are right for me". Some people might not want to hit you over the head with it or scare you off. Also it's a first date...deep chats are good and would back up what she said in her profile and be the thing most likely to contribute & point toward an eventual relationship. She doesn't necessarily need to say it, when she shows it.  "Unanchored" might be a bigger tell but you can't expect to gather ALL the info you need from ONE date.  Nor should you.  I would be worried about your reaction and that it crushed you so much.  That sounds like a you thing rather than a her & you thing.  You didn't know her a week ago and life will go on.  So don't put so much emphasis on the outcome (which is what I picked up on in your earlier post). Why would any of this make you livid? Are you mad at yourself? You are probably putting too much pressure on yourself, if so. It's not that big a deal. Put 1 year or 10 years into something and yes that sort of reaction makes more sense.  But one date, no...

Second bolded...what??? OMG if she liked you, she would most likely love that you were choosing a place that was "for her". The underlining issue was she didn't like you like that and you are worried that the place was the reason??No. This is what I think you might be doing either because you are rusty or from the way you approach relationships is that you think a set of rules is gonna save you and get you to the outcome where you have the power of choice to choose who you want "because you did things perfectly on a date" or fail if you did not. IMO this is gonna ruin most dates. While you worry about being perfect you aren't really yourself. You are overly concerned about a strategy, a set of rules, a set of actions. You hold back to conceal parts of yourself you don't like.  It comes of as inauthentic and boring when someone does this.  I'm sure I will have lots more advice as you continue to post.  I wonder what you are "working on about yourself"??? I would recommend things having to do with confidence and self-acceptance. The more you are genuine and yourself, the easier it is to find the right person for you. Whenever I recommend (and I do!) that people up their game in terms of looks, working out, it's really to contribute to confidence and overall believing that they CAN DO what they set out to do. Also that kind of confidence does not have you OVERVALUING any one person or one date. Even putting yourself out there can become a double-edged sword when you interpret the results sort of as you have (crashing, livid etc) rather than a learning experience or simply an experience.  Try to lower the stakes on each individual date or talking to a girl and learn about yourself (in a good way).  Good luck

[Sanch62]

On 8/20/2025 at 12:31 PM, Els said:

I suggest you think about your motivations for jumping into dating again so soon. It's one thing if it happened organically and you weren't expecting it, but that wasn't the case here. It feels to me like you're looking for a rebound, and you're projecting your sudden loneliness onto this person, hoping for them to fill that void.

That's usually a bad idea.

Yes, and why is it a bad idea? Because the people you meet will pick that up, no matter how well you try to hide it.

Does that mean you should learn how to hide it better? No, because true connections can only come from being your true Self.

And there's nothing 'wrong' or 'bad' about your true Self.

Anyone healthy enough to invest in knows that rebounding feels fabulous. It's extreme happiness in the joys of 'new'. It's an actual drug of chemicals produced by your own body, and at some point, your body grows tolerant of that high, and real life sets in. So does a recognition of your premature investment. And that's when you'll need to give your rebound lover the standard speech about what a great person they are, but you really should have taken enough time to stabilize solo.

Nobody wants that, at least if they are healthy. Sure, you might find a great rollercoaster rider who can enjoy the 'now' and throw future outcomes to the wind. But you'll need to keep dating to do that, and know that every real potential partner you mess with now can recognize rebound dangers--which amounts to a wasted opportunity for meeting them later, when you can actually connect on a level that has potential.

Head high, we all learn from living.