ThorLyonsSalem Posted August 16 Posted August 16 I am a private person in general. I don't like people being in my business, and I stay out of other people's business. I don't share much with others (learned that the hard way to not share too much about myself with others - and if you don't know what that's like, you have another thing coming). I am 50 years old, and I am a loner. In some cases not because I want to be but because I have to be. I reached out to many friends about possibly going to a rock concert in a few weeks. I don't want the best seats, I said a nosebleed section would be fine with me. NO ONE wanted to go with me. I am shocked at this. Granted, many of them and I are not as close as we used to be, that's for sure, but I would think that if one person reaches out that SOMEONE would want to go with me to things. I have made a decision and I will stand by this from now on : Unless I get an invite to do something, I will be a loner from now on. The only person who can be in charge of my happiness (as I have long known) is me, the only one who is responsible for me is me, and I will no longer reach out to others if they are just going to say no to any and everything that I propose. It's ok, I will just be me and be happy with being me. I may not like it, but it's the best thing for me as I will not miss out on things if I don't have anyone to go with as my wingman / woman.
ExpatInItaly Posted August 17 Posted August 17 10 hours ago, ThorLyonsSalem said: NO ONE wanted to go with me. I am shocked at this. Granted, many of them and I are not as close as we used to be When was the last tme you had spoken to them? I am wondering whar the backstory is there.
Author ThorLyonsSalem Posted August 17 Author Posted August 17 (edited) 9 hours ago, ExpatInItaly said: When was the last tme you had spoken to them? I am wondering whar the backstory is there. I don't really talk to people much anymore. Life has morphed into just checking what everyone is doing on Facebook now. But as result, that is how most people can and do communicate now. At least, as I can see it now. There have been times that I reached out to others via phone call or whatever other means, they either say a flat no, they never get back to me, or they say "I will get back to you on that" and never do. What can I say? It's been the same thing over and over. Now I will just be a loner all the time. Today I wanted to go to the museum, no one wanted to do that either. So I will go alone. Edited August 17 by ThorLyonsSalem Additional information
ExpatInItaly Posted August 17 Posted August 17 3 hours ago, ThorLyonsSalem said: Today I wanted to go to the museum, no one wanted to do that either. Did you ask them before today? Or did you call them today and ask them to meet you today?
Author ThorLyonsSalem Posted August 17 Author Posted August 17 39 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said: Did you ask them before today? Or did you call them today and ask them to meet you today? Yup. Asked a few people and they said no. So from now on, it's just me, myself and I.
Acacia98 Posted August 18 Posted August 18 On 8/16/2025 at 9:36 PM, ThorLyonsSalem said: I reached out to many friends about possibly going to a rock concert in a few weeks. I don't want the best seats, I said a nosebleed section would be fine with me. NO ONE wanted to go with me. I am shocked at this. Granted, many of them and I are not as close as we used to be, that's for sure, but I would think that if one person reaches out that SOMEONE would want to go with me to things. Not necessarily. Sometimes that's just the way it works out: maybe they have other plans, maybe they're just not in the mood for it. I am used to being the only one who's interested in doing certain things. And when that happens, I just do them alone. It's not really a big deal. And I generally don't hold it against the people who aren't interested. If I were in your shoes, I'd observe my friends over time. Then I'd stop making much effort with the ones who routinely couldn't be bothered to respond to me or who'd flake out on me. I would try holding on to the friends who actually got back to me with an answer, whether that answer was positive or negative.
ExpatInItaly Posted August 18 Posted August 18 (edited) 9 hours ago, ThorLyonsSalem said: Yup. Asked a few people and they said no. And it didn't occur to you that may have already made other plans for the day? You can't really fault people for not beng available the same day you ask to meet. Sometimes I may not be busy but really need a day to myself to get other things done or simply recharge my own batteries and stay home. If someone asks me at the last minute to hang out, the answer is more than likely going to be no since I would have already mapped out my free time that day. Edited August 18 by ExpatInItaly
Author ThorLyonsSalem Posted August 22 Author Posted August 22 I am thinking I will just go by myself now. I'd rather go with someone but this is how the cards fell in this situation.
basil67 Posted August 22 Posted August 22 22 hours ago, ThorLyonsSalem said: I am thinking I will just go by myself now. I'd rather go with someone but this is how the cards fell in this situation. Concerts and shows are a really personal thing. I have very dear friends who I'd respond to with "thanks for asking, but I'll pass on that". Likewise, none of my mainstream friends would come watch The Sisters of Mercy with me And that's OK. I think a far greater fail is if you contact them and ask if they'd like to meet for coffee or dinner and are flexible on dates and venue. If they can't find a way to meet you when there's ultimate flexibility, THEN you know that they are no longer your friend. So what's the bigger picture here? Are they rejecting you when you're able to be totally flexible on venue and dates? Or are you not understanding that they simply may not be interested in that particular event? If it's the latter, the rejection is not one to take personally
Author ThorLyonsSalem Posted August 24 Author Posted August 24 I went out on my first loner outing the other day, I went to the art museum to see the new exhibit. I had a good time, I enjoyed the art and seeing how wonderful it was, took a lot of pictures. No one wanted to go with me, but that's fine. I will not miss out on things just because I can't find someone to go with, I will have a good time by myself.
ExpatInItaly Posted August 25 Posted August 25 Are you going to address these questions? On 8/18/2025 at 5:55 AM, ExpatInItaly said: And it didn't occur to you that may have already made other plans for the day? On 8/23/2025 at 12:30 AM, basil67 said: Are they rejecting you when you're able to be totally flexible on venue and dates? Or are you not understanding that they simply may not be interested in that particular event?
Author ThorLyonsSalem Posted August 25 Author Posted August 25 8 hours ago, ExpatInItaly said: Are you going to address these questions? Other plans? - In some cases yes some said they had other plans, others said they didn't want to spend on it. SOme said they were not keen on seeing the band in question. I understand those rationales, but the flat out "NO"s I do not.
ExpatInItaly Posted August 26 Posted August 26 15 hours ago, ThorLyonsSalem said: Other plans? - In some cases yes some said they had other plans, others said they didn't want to spend on it. SOme said they were not keen on seeing the band in question. I understand those rationales, but the flat out "NO"s I do not. So let's explore that a bit further. How many people did you ask to go to the concert? Of those, how many flat-out no's did you hear? What about the same-day invite to the museum? Of the people who gave you a flat-out no, how many are people you are otherwise in regular contatc with?
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