SBMoongirl Posted August 14 Posted August 14 I'm a 27 year old woman and with each passing year, I feel the weight of my limited lifespan crush me that much more. I don't want to be in my 60's at my child's high school graduation, and it might be a dramatic thought seeing as I'd have to have that child in my late 40s, but the way my life is, it seems highly probable and that's assuming I'd ever get to have one in the first place. I don't have any friends and my workplace doesn't really allot for getting to know anybody. I work in fast-paced retail so I barely even know my own coworker's names, never have the opportunity to speak to them beyond at BEST a brief "hello", and most of my customers are the elderly and soccer moms. I don't drink so going to a bar as I've been recommended to find somebody isn't ideal since I don't personally want to be with somebody who finds drinking to be a preferrable pastime (as picky as that might sound to some, but stand my ground on certain values). I tried dating apps but I seem to just attract the most insecure men the country has to offer (one of which accused me of "abusing him" because it "made him cry" when I briefly mentioned I once crushed on somebody he'd never met before I even met him) or strictly transactional men (one's first message ever to me was "what do you offer?") and I've become too nervous to keep using those apps. But that leaves me with really no other options. I don't judge men based on how they look and only really care about their personality so there's no room for me to look around a public place and think "he looks cute, I should approach him" and it's kind of awkward to go up to somebody random and ask semi-personal questions. I've been told "go places you'd want to go so you might find somebody with similar interests", but I don't really GO places and my interests don't largely involve public gatherings. I don't party or go to functions. I don't go to any sort of religious establishment. The most I've gone this year outside of work and grocery shopping is to a Denny's where my meal was comped because the owner felt bad I was the only one by myself and a historical house where I was the only visitor. There aren't any singles mixer events within 2 hours of me because I live kind of far from any major cities. I wish a man might approach me since I'd admire that kind of confidence/ bravery, but I'm told I'm "intimidating" because I'm slightly tall and appear too serious (that and I don't wear makeup because it's just a hassle) and it was a bit devastating when a mother assumed I had children when I was 21 because I "looked tired and had that demeanor". I was asked out once in my life and it was by a man older than my grandfather as he held the door open for me at the mall on my way to a job interview and that was a little over 2 years ago. Between having a crummy employment situation that wouldn't help, having no friend that could set me up with anyone (or friend in general), dating apps turning up less than ideal matches, and lacking interests worthy of public gatherings, I don't know what to do in order to meet anyone ideal for me. I don't need somebody wealthy or successful or muscular or popular or to have a degree or a nice car or be endlessly handsome. I just want somebody I feel like I can get along with as a stable human being and I'm surprised by how hard that is to find these days. I know this is long-winded so I'll cut to the chase. Does ANYBODY have any suggestions?
Sanch62 Posted August 15 Posted August 15 You get to decide how important finding a good partner is to you and how much effort is worth investing to accomplish that. If you live in such a rural area that meetup.com doesn't offer any groups to explore in your area, you may want to rethink giving up apps or even trading your address for a more active location. Research some subscription apps rather than using free sites, and grow a thicker skin against weird replies by 'nexting' them and moving your focus beyond them. If your location puts you so far beyond a social reach, consider whether a love life and social life are worth pursuing a move. You also get to decide whether investing in self care to raise your attractiveness is a worthy consideration. 2
longdue Posted August 16 Posted August 16 You need to start investing in yourself. Right now, you’re just tired and out of practice—there’s nothing “wrong” with you. It’s normal to feel drained when you’re overworked or a bit dejected. Remember, you already have the capacity to light up when you’re around the right people, so don’t stress too much about that. Of course, easier said than done, but even something as simple as forcing yourself to walk outside a couple of hours a week can make a big difference. It helps your mood, gives you a healthier glow, and who knows—you might even meet someone interesting, even if just as a friend. And friends sometimes introduce friends, though that shouldn’t be your expectation going in. Now for some tough love: the good guys don’t even know you exist yet. Most of them aren’t on these apps because they can’t stand the nonsense that comes with them. They’re at work, doing their thing, and avoiding the stress of the dating grind. And honestly—they’d appreciate it if you made the effort to talk to them too. Deep down, men and women are the same—we want connection and have similar vulnerabilities. If you’re unsure whether someone’s safe, just take a step back and watch how they treat other people. That’s how he will treat you. Avoid the loud, demanding types, and learn to tell the difference between true confidence and arrogance. Because trust me—if someone’s arrogant, they’ll only treat you worse once they feel comfortable. I don’t mean to dismiss how you feel, but at 27 you’re still very young—you’ve got plenty of time ahead of you. You deserve to enjoy this stage of your life without so much pressure. Things tend to fall into place more than we expect. Good luck. 1
smackie9 Posted August 16 Posted August 16 If you are not getting anywhere that means you are the common denominator....it starts with you.....I agree you need to focus on yourself, ...improve intellectually, socially, financially and physically. Appearance and how you carry yourself (confidence) is key. Dress for success. Get a new wardrobe, hair style, take up some hobbies, interests., including wine tasting, dancing, carpentry (DIY). Be the whole package. A man that is handy, self sufficient and doesn't expect a woman to be his mother (Doing all the cooking and cleaning) you will be a winner.
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