So I met this guy

[Sugarspice25]

So I met this guy and we had 2 dates, on the third date he invited me over for dinner and I went with it knowing what might happen. Well it did . Thr next date was drinks and then we hooked up again. Now we are not dating each other but only hooking up like once a month or so. So we had 5 hook up now. Thing is we never talked about what our relationship is. How do I even start this conversation? Do I? I mean. Are we FWB? The hook ups are at least once a month. Im not sleeping with anyone else. I do like him but I know it's about the hook ups here. Why do I go? Because I am horny and comfortable with him..it is fun but today after our hook up I felt empty. I mean he doesn't get me off but he gets off. Today we didnt kiss much. He didnt even walk me down out thr lobby like he usually does.  We did cuddle after the deed. I dont know if im over reacting or what or It's starting to get this me that there's no emotional connection. So moving forward do I ask him like what is this? Or maybe I should just end it. I dont know. I just feel weird today. 

Edited Wednesday at 10:42 PM by Sugarspice25
Grammer

[Sony12]

Yes you are hook up partners with him and likely nothing more. If you want to keep on having sex with him casually go ahead. Nothing wrong with it if it is consensual. He likely isn't looking for anything more though then what you are already giving him.

[BaileyB]

If you want to continue to have sex with him, there is nothing wrong with that. But based on your description of this last encounter, you are a means to an end.

How do men behave when they are interested in building a relationship with a woman? They date - they put in some effort,  they don’t just stay in with the expectation of sex… they want to impress the woman and have a good time/share some fun experiences with her. 

That’s not what’s happening here. You could have the “what does this mean and where is this going talk” but I think his intentions are pretty clear based on his actions. If you would like more than this from a relationship, I think you will have to keep looking…

[Sugarspice25]

1 hour ago, BaileyB said:

If you want to continue to have sex with him, there is nothing wrong with that. But based on your description of this last encounter, you are a means to an end.

How do men behave when they are interested in building a relationship with a woman? They date - they put in some effort,  they don’t just stay in with the expectation of sex… they want to impress the woman and have a good time/share some fun experiences with her. 

That’s not what’s happening here. You could have the “what does this mean and where is this going talk” but I think his intentions are pretty clear based on his actions. If you would like more than this from a relationship, I think you will have to keep looking…

So but is this like a FWB situation? What's the difference between that and hooking up?

[Sony12]

13 minutes ago, Sugarspice25 said:

So but is this like a FWB situation? What's the difference between that and hooking up?

They in many cases are the exact same thing but FWB's probably occasions go hang out as well sometimes.

 

[basil67]

22 minutes ago, Sugarspice25 said:

So but is this like a FWB situation? What's the difference between that and hooking up?

For it to be FWB, you have to actually be friends.  But this guy sounds more like an aquaintance than a friend

[Sugarspice25]

14 minutes ago, Sony12 said:

They in many cases are the exact same thing but FWB's probably occasions go hang out as well sometimes.

 

Does hanging out mean outside the house or in the house too? Because sometimes we eat together,  watch movies too

[BaileyB]

55 minutes ago, Sugarspice25 said:

Does hanging out mean outside the house or in the house too? Because sometimes we eat together,  watch movies too

Is this what you want? Someone with whom you can order takeout, watch tv, and have sex? Or - do you want an actual relationship, and go on dates?
 

1 hour ago, Sugarspice25 said:

So but is this like a FWB situation? What's the difference between that and hooking up?

To me, a hookup is meeting someone and having sex - no expectations, no questions asked. To be FWB, you have some discussion and set some boundaries to be sure that both people understand and are ok with what the relationship is/isn’t. 

[ExpatInItaly]

1 hour ago, Sugarspice25 said:

Does hanging out mean outside the house or in the house too? Because sometimes we eat together,  watch movies too

Does it really matter? I mean that sincerely. 

Whatever you want to call this, it's clear you are not dating. If you re looking  for a man to have a relationship with, well, this guy isn't it. It doesn't even sound like particularly satisfying sex. What are you getting out of this? 

[Sugarspice25]

17 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said:

Does it really matter? I mean that sincerely. 

Whatever you want to call this, it's clear you are not dating. If you re looking  for a man to have a relationship with, well, this guy isn't it. It doesn't even sound like particularly satisfying sex. What are you getting out of this? 

Honestly I'm horny and I'm not sleeping with anyone else...thats it but yeah the sex is not satisfying to me and he finishes fast so there's no point to keep hooking up with him.

[Sugarspice25]

42 minutes ago, BaileyB said:

Is this what you want? Someone with whom you can order takeout, watch tv, and have sex? Or - do you want an actual relationship, and go on dates?
 

To me, a hookup is meeting someone and having sex - no expectations, no questions asked. To be FWB, you have some discussion and set some boundaries to be sure that both people understand and are ok with what the relationship is/isn’t. 

No thats not what I want,  he's only there if I'm horny really but I'm not being satisfied. It should be getting better and honestly its not for me. 

[Sony12]

15 minutes ago, Sugarspice25 said:

No thats not what I want,  he's only there if I'm horny really but I'm not being satisfied. It should be getting better and honestly its not for me. 

If you personally aren't all that satisfied with the sex you might as well call it off.

[Sanch62]

It doesn't make sense to wait around and expect unsatisfying encounters that feel empty to turn around and become satisfying. Plenty of people are able to satisfy themselves without the need to use anyone else as a masturbatory device.

If you want to date to find a good relationship partner, ask the right questions when you first meet someone to learn whether they view themselves as relationship material also. If not, you can tell them you like them and they're welcome to contact you if they ever want to date to learn whether you'd make a good relationship match, but you are not 'casual' material.

Value yourself, and you won't position yourself ever again to feel empty with someone else.

[Sugarspice25]

5 hours ago, Sanch62 said:

It doesn't make sense to wait around and expect unsatisfying encounters that feel empty to turn around and become satisfying. Plenty of people are able to satisfy themselves without the need to use anyone else as a masturbatory device.

If you want to date to find a good relationship partner, ask the right questions when you first meet someone to learn whether they view themselves as relationship material also. If not, you can tell them you like them and they're welcome to contact you if they ever want to date to learn whether you'd make a good relationship match, but you are not 'casual' material.

Value yourself, and you won't position yourself ever again to feel empty with someone else.

Just because I wanted to sleep with him doesn't mean I don't value myself. Second of all this is the first time I decided to sleep with someone without exclusivity.  So I dont understand your point. 

[MsJayne]

On 8/14/2025 at 8:42 AM, Sugarspice25 said:

He didnt even walk me down out thr lobby like he usually does.

This guy's no gentleman, next he'll be offering you money. I wouldn't even bother answering if he calls or texts. At least that way you get to be the one who ended it. 

[BaileyB]

3 hours ago, Sugarspice25 said:

Just because I wanted to sleep with him doesn't mean I don't value myself.

No, just because you wanted to sleep with him doesn’t mean that you don’t value yourself.

But - if you continue to have sex with the full knowledge that he offers you literally nothing in return… that’s when you begin to devalue yourself.

Again - if the sex is enjoyable for you both and you don’t care if there is any kind of personal or emotional connection… that’s your choice and there is nothing wrong with that. But, you seem to feel like there is something missing here - and I think many would agree - which is where the problem exists. You seem to want something more, and if you lower your expectations to continue with these sexual encounters… you are doing yourself a disservice. 

As was said above, setting the bar this low at the start and then expecting something wonderful to grow from these sexual encounters is not particularly realistic or wise. 

Edited 2 hours ago by BaileyB

[Gebidozo]

3 hours ago, Sugarspice25 said:

Just because I wanted to sleep with him doesn't mean I don't value myself.

That’s correct. The problem is not the sex, it’s the inequality. You’ve said it yourself, you’re feeling empty and it bothers you that there is no emotional connection. That means you expect more from this relationship. But it doesn’t look like he does. Not valuing yourself would be continuing to sleep with a man from whom you expect more, but who can’t give you more and isn’t interested in that.

[Sugarspice25]

1 hour ago, MsJayne said:

This guy's no gentleman, next he'll be offering you money. I wouldn't even bother answering if he calls or texts. At least that way you get to be the one who ended it. 

Yeah when he didn't want to walk me down to the lobby of his apt building like usual I felt a little shitty.  Is it just me?? He claimed oh Im not dressed.  Like you can't put on something quick?

[BaileyB]

7 minutes ago, Sugarspice25 said:

Yeah when he didn't want to walk me down to the lobby of his apt building like usual I felt a little shitty.  Is it just me??

Heavens no.

He put absolutely no effort into this - he couldn’t even be bothered to walk you to the door and give you a kiss goodbye - after you went to his house and had sex with him!

There is not a hope that I’m going back to his house again… As women, we have to require more than this for yourselves…

Edited 2 hours ago by BaileyB

[Sugarspice25]

2 minutes ago, BaileyB said:

Heaven no.

He put absolutely no effort into this - he couldn’t even be bothered to walk you to the door and give you a kiss goodbye - after you went to his house and had sex with him. 

There is nothing wrong a hope that I’m going back to his house again… As women, we have to require more than this for yourselves…

I mean he did get up and hugged me and did walk me to the door but he usually gets dressed and walks me down to my Uber. This time it felt so weird. Upon hugging he just said until next time. I guess I didnt feel respected. 

[Sugarspice25]

44 minutes ago, BaileyB said:

No, just because you wanted to sleep with him doesn’t mean that you don’t value yourself.

But - if you continue to have sex with the full knowledge that he offers you literally nothing in return… that’s when you begin to devalue yourself.

Again - if the sex is enjoyable for you both and you don’t care if there is any kind of personal or emotional connection… that’s your choice and there is nothing wrong with that. But, you seem to feel like there is something missing here - and I think many would agree - which is where the problem exists. You seem to want something more, and if you lower your expectations to continue with these sexual encounters… you are doing yourself a disservice. 

As was said above, setting the bar this low at the start and then expecting something wonderful to grow from these sexual encounters is not particularly realistic or wise. 

Yeah for the first time I felt kinda off and just empty. Looks like I am missing the emotional side. Yeah I guess this is not for me after all..

[Sanch62]

5 hours ago, Sugarspice25 said:

Just because I wanted to sleep with him doesn't mean I don't value myself. Second of all this is the first time I decided to sleep with someone without exclusivity.  So I dont understand your point. 

The point is simple: if you want something satisfying, don't settle for less.