Lack of communication- boyfriend abroad -long term relationship

[ekat]

I have been dating my bf for almost 6 years now, and we live abroad together since the last two. Since we live abroad, he regularly goes back home and when he does he usually does not speak to me a lot (normally messages every three days) I already told him multiple times that I would appreciate if he could message me once per day maybe with a small paragraph or something to know how he is doing and things like that and I can also tell him how I am doing. But reality is he never does that and when I ask him how is he after 3 days of waiting his answer is “fine” or “good” making me feel I am disturbing him. Now it is me the one going back home and he is at our place with a friend of his who is visiting and he has not really texted me once to ask me how I am doing (just a few chats some days ago about admin stuff, I have been out for 10 days ) I told him a bit of what i did one day but he didn't really answer. Am I overreacting? I really suffer for the lack of communication and I have tried several times to address the issue getting nothing. (Basically he says he cannot be all time with his phone on his hand because of me - I only told him to message me ONCE per day-)

[Gebidozo]

People have very different standards, boundaries, and expectations concerning communication.

Personally, I’d feel the same as you. When either my partner or I are away I definitely prefer daily communication, at least a message per day.

Partners who’ve been together for a while might communicate less when physically apart. In many cases, people who just got together communicate a lot simply because they need reassurance.  That grows over time and stops needing external confirmation.

The question is, how did your boyfriend communicate before? Is this a sudden or a gradual drop? Why can’t he accommodate your request for daily messages, even if that’s not his style? It’s not hard to send one message per day to your partner.

 

[Sanch62]

1 hour ago, ekat said:

I have been dating my bf for almost 6 years now, and we live abroad together since the last two.

What are your ages, and is your goal to marry this man? If so, what do you believe has prevented that over the last 6 years?

I can only speak for myself, and I would feel taken for granted by someone with no desire to reach out to me regularly when we are not together. It would tell me that my conversation bores him, and I'd be clear that all the requests in the world won't change that.

Are you satisfied with the intimacy of your communication when you are together, or do you feel more like just one of the characters in this man's life? Are you investing your best fertility years in someone who doesn't value you to the degree that you deserve? If so, I'd rethink that carefully and soon.

Edited Wednesday at 01:58 AM by Sanch62

[ExpatInItaly]

You should not need to tell your own partner to care about you. 

When you reach this point in a relationship, something is deeply wrong. It sounds to me like he's just not that interested in you anymore. If he's not reaching out of his own volition, it says that he's just not that bothered anymore. 

The lack of communication is a symptom of the bigger problem, which is a lack of intersest on ihis part. You two need to talk, but not for the reasons you think you do. He sounds very checked out. 

[BaileyB]

What is his communication and commitment like when you are together in person? Surely this kind of non-communicative and dismissive behavior doesn’t only happen while you are separated? Or, is he an otherwise loving and considerate partner to you when you are together? 

Edited 8 hours ago by BaileyB