BaileyB Posted August 10 Posted August 10 (edited) 30 minutes ago, TheBlingRing14 said: I just said/meant that when certain things happen and become a part of how you view people, relationships, life in general......it's a part of you forever. It is in your psyche forever. You can't get rid of it. You can only learn to live with it. Of course, our experiences stay with us forever. But, it’s not what happens to you but how you respond to the experience that matters. One can be betrayed by a man and still stay open and find a loving and trusting relationship that is deeply fulfilling… Or, one can become anxious, insecure, and controlling - affecting all future relationships. Of course you can work on strategies to manage the anxiety that you feel in relationships. You can also work with a counsellor to better understand your decisions and how to find/build a healthy and happy relationship for yourself. If you find that this is a pattern that continues to repeat itself, you may find it helpful at some point to have a discussion with a counsellor… but of course, that is your decision. It’s your life. Edited August 10 by BaileyB 1
ShyViolet Posted August 10 Posted August 10 (edited) When is the next time you're going to see him in person? Make plans to see him in person. See how it goes when you are actually together, and then gauge the "energy". See if he seems fully interested in you or if something still seems "off" when you're with him in person. Focusing on his texting patterns is a poor way to really judge that. You're just putting way too much emphasis on texting. Edited August 10 by ShyViolet 1
Gaeta Posted August 10 Posted August 10 It doesn't sound like you see each other often? How many times have you seen each other in the past 2 weeks? The interest of a man is measured by the efforts he makes to see you and the quality-time devoted to dates.
Author TheBlingRing14 Posted August 10 Author Posted August 10 7 minutes ago, ShyViolet said: When is the next time you're going to see him in person? Make plans to see him in person. See how it goes when you are actually together, and then gauge the "energy". See if he seems fully interested in you or if something still seems "off" when you're with him in person. Focusing on his texting patterns is a poor way to really judge that. You're just putting way too much emphasis on texting. 6 weeks.....which really stinks. He is out of state for work, thousands of miles away. He has a secondary work trip in a couple of weeks, when he will be out of the country, but he will leave straight from his current location. We have made tentative plans for when he gets back (that were made previously). But, he said we could wait till it gets closer to nail down the specifics. Which at the time he said it made perfect sense. But....now, I wonder if he was just sort of putting me off.
ShyViolet Posted August 11 Posted August 11 Ok well if he's going to be away for the next 6 weeks.... you need to reel in your expectations and kinda put this on the back burner, to revisit when he comes back. You can't be obsessing over how he texts you or doesn't text you on a daily basis for the next 6 weeks. You only met this guy 2 weeks ago and you're not in a relationship. The obligation to constantly text during this time period will get old really fast and he's probably already getting tired of it. That doesn't mean that he doesn't want to follow through on the plans to see you when he gets back. He probably doesn't want the obligation of having to constantly text for these 6 weeks while he's away, and I don't blame him. 1
BaileyB Posted August 11 Posted August 11 (edited) I agree with everything said above. The fact that he’s going to be away for six weeks should put a serious “pause” on your expectations. You are not going to build a relationship with this man by text while he is away. I would set some boundaries for myself - depending on his behavior, I would expect to text on the weekend to see how his week has been. If you do text daily, I would expect one exchange a day not constant texting throughout the day. The number of texts that he sends and his enthusiasm for texting is bound to decrease for the next six weeks. That doesn’t mean that he is not interested in getting together and possibly pursuing a relationship with you when he returns - he’s likely not interested in investing a ton of time texting with a woman he barely knows when he’s travelling for work for an extended period of time. I wouldn’t do that either. I think you need to find something to do this fall - join a gym, sign up for a yoga class, read a good book, spend time with friends, go on some more dates… keep yourself busy so that you are not in your head about this guy who is not here and you don’t even know that he is interested… Edited August 11 by BaileyB 2
BreakOnThrough Posted August 11 Posted August 11 "Don't move too fast... AND you want your love to last?" Jim Morrison
Versacehottie Posted August 18 Posted August 18 I would also say you need to come up with some strategies to "chill". Keep busy, lower your expectations. I strongly believe that trying to cement a relationship over text is not good in the beginning stages. It's not the best form of communication, some people (especially guys) are not good at it--mainly because they use it for what it was designed for (more blunt, quick stuff--which isn't received well by many women who are looking for the reassurance or to build a relationship and want the certainty). Much better to limit the texting and do stuff in person, on dates. Whatever you learn about a person IN PERSON is richer and feels better--which is a two way street. What feels better usually goes better. I'm not saying some banter light-hearted or jokes etc aren't fun over text but deepening the relationship or feeling like you need to check in...ugh, romance-killer! you might trade the faux certainty you get from the ping of each text for getting a relationship that's lackluster and fizzles out. Here's the thing to keep in mind to lower your expectations. You didn't know him 6 weeks ago; there will be someone else if it doesn't work out with him. Do you like the life you had 6 weeks ago? Was it full, vibrant without this person? If not make sure it is, right now. One of the best things a person can bring to the relationship is someone that doesn't "need" them but chooses them. If you don't love the life, you have without this guy, it can be a lot of pressure on him to "save you', you know? Your anxiety is sort of the clue for that (also the view that you've always been cheated on--you can flip that at least a bit and grow from it too). I also think a little trick you can do is put his contact name on silenced notifications...that way you will get his messages when you are truly checking your phone and may not reply immediately due to when you see that he's reached out.
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