should i cancel? am i overthinking things?

[zs0511]

so last saturday i went out on a first date with a girl. honestly went pretty well, we had a good time and when we were leaving she said she was interested in going out again- cool i was to so we talked about and planned our 2nd date (this coming up sunday) and things have been ok we have been texting back and forth nothing crazy just normal conversation. well i was super excited to see her again and i felt there was some what of a connection so whats off right?

so actually how i met this girl was threw a matchmaking service. i use to be a client of theres and even though im not anymore i built up a good relationship with them and they will still reach out to me if someone walks into their office they think i would vibe with. outside of the normal matchmaking stuff they host events threw out the month and they have a monthly social happy hour which they told me i should go to which i did. when i get there i see the lady who worked for them that actually was responsible for setting us up. in talking to her the lady who works for the company tells me well shes actually supposed to be here tonight. so thats problem one- i don't take issue with her going to a social singles happy hour because we have been on one date and well i was there to. what kind of bothers me was when we were setting things up she said she wasn't available till Sunday. well if your interested why couldn't we set a date up for Friday. if there was interest why couldn't we go out instead? also when i asked her via text what her plans were outside of us hanging out over the weekend she told me on Friday she was going to a networking event. well i wouldn't consider this networking so she kind of lied?

but anyway about 30 mins later i see her walk in. and i went up to her said hey, we talked a little threw out the night but i kind of gave her  her space which i was advised to do by the people who run the thing. the same lady i was talking to said shes a very cautious person and kind of reserved. like she said on date two if i tried to kiss her, or get physical without her initiating it would sink my chances, and at the thing she made a comment to her i was texting her to much (weird because ive only responded to what shes sent me and its been a normal conversation it seemed so idk i dont get it) so maybe giving space was the best move. so we talked to other people and she was mostly talking to fellow females and i caught her shooting looks at me threw out the night so whatever.

but what really bothers me about the entire situation is how the night ended. i guess i was kind of expecting her to say goodbye to me before she left, like a good to see you ill see you on Sunday ect... her friends she were talking to left and i saw her sit at a table right as i was walking inside to grab a drink from the bar. since her friend she was talking to majority of the night left i was planning on coming back out and talking to her and she left by the time i got outside. idk if im overthinking it but that just didnt sit right with me. i was kind of shocked she didnt try to find me and say bye. if she wasnt sure if i was still there or didnt know where i was- she has my number and could have easily texted me. and she didnt even text me saying hey it was good seeing you tonight ect.. so idk if its fair to feel kind of hurt bye it. and now im questioning her interest and dont know if i should text and call off Sunday.

i mean nothing weird happened between us, she didnt look annoyed to see me or annoyed when i talked to her, idk i guess i was just kind of surprised she wasnt more interested in interacting. she talked to the lady who set us up at one point in the night and they were both looking directly at me both smiling and she told me later in talking to her she was looking forward to sunday so thats a good sign. just the things listed above are making me question things. also the last girl i was involved with was the exact same way in the sense was very guarded reserved and im just getting mental flashbacks of how absolutely exhausting the entire thing was, like if your so reserved that me sending you one text message a day in response to what you sent is alot idk... i wanted to text her afterwards saying hey it was good seeing you tonight, im looking forward to sunday but im questioning if thats even ok and thats not a good sign to me

[Gina2005]

Seems like you are overthinking.

You should just let things continue their course until Sunday and see how she behaves then.

It's not like she owns you anything.

[Sony12]

Definitely doesn't sound like there is mutual interest. No specific red flags so you can keep on giving it a chance if you want to but it doesn't sound like it will go anywhere. Chances are these people are setting her up with dates just like they are you. Infact I kind of wonder if she is actually working for them.

These matchmaking services are far, far, far more expensive than regular dating sites and these matchmakers will probably have individuals they are working with go on dates with clients. 

I would honestly forget about these matchmakers and just sign up for a traditional dating service.

Edited 17 hours ago by Sony12

[Sanch62]

I wouldn't superimpose what 'reserved' meant with one person onto another. I also see nothing wrong with allowing the service she's paying for to keep giving her new dates to meet until her subscription runs out or she's certain she wants exclusivity with someone. She's not going to know any such thing from one date.

She didn't lie about the networking event. There is business networking and there is social networking. She regarded it as networking regardless of what else you might call it.

I would date her again based on the great date you had, not the date you didn't have. If you want to overthink yourself out of it, that's your prerogative, but it makes no sense to me. If she wanted to leave, then that was her focus--maybe using the ladies room before making the trip. It doesn't speak of anything against you for not seeking you out to say goodbye--you were not there together.

[timtim2x]

You're definitely overthinking. Actually your whole post is a textbook case of overthinking

100% agree with @Sanch62. Go meet her on Sunday, have a great time, and act like you don't care.

[Gebidozo]

I wouldn’t go on dates with someone who doesn’t appear to be particularly interested in me. That’s the vibe I’m getting from your description.

Also, what’s with those rules of not kissing her, not initiating anything, etc.? This is so weird. What’s the fun of dating a girl if things can’t even happen spontaneously?

[Sony12]

1 hour ago, Gebidozo said:

 

Also, what’s with those rules of not kissing her, not initiating anything, etc.? This is so weird. What’s the fun of dating a girl if things can’t even happen spontaneously?

This comment is what makes me think she might actually be working with the matchmakers. 

[MsJayne]

I'm exhausted just reading about her, and I'd give Sunday's date a miss because if she was interested in you she would have told you that she was invited to the Friday night singles event and happily cancelled it in favour of going on a date with you. 

[ShyViolet]

I would be turned off by this also.  But maybe cancelling Sunday's date is a bit excessive.  You have nothing to lose by still going on the date and seeing what happens.

[Acacia98]

The one thing that I found unusual was that comment about texting too much. What was that about? Was she being passive aggressive or sarcastic? That would make me cautious in my interactions with her.

I don't see any problem with her going for the social and not going into the details with you. She was being discreet. Would you rather she told you she was going to try and meet other men at a social?

She's gone on just one date with you. She's getting to know you. Neither of you knows how the second or third date will turn out, so there's no need to make commitments and cancel all other social engagements. And she doesn't owe you a specific day in her social calendar. Fortunately for you, she seems to have a conscience. So there's no reason to believe she's sleeping with someone else while dating you.

As for the way she disappeared and didn't leave a message, maybe she thought you had also left the event without saying goodbye. I don't know how the place is set up, so maybe I'm wrong. If it turns out she knew you were still around, then it sounds like she was sneaking out to avoid having to tell you goodbye. And that would make me feel uncomfortable.

As for whether you should go on the Sunday date, that's completely up to you. But personally, I'd go. I'd probably have my guard up during the date. And if I didn't have an unambiguously positive experience, I'd wish her well and move on. I wouldn't cancel it altogether based on what had happened because I wouldn't want to end up wondering if I'd made a mistake. If you have slight reservations, I think it's best to go on the date. And then if something not-so-great happens, at least you will receive confirmation that you were right and can move on with a clear conscience.