Did this guy dump me because I didn’t go over to his place at 1am to give him oral even after I told him he should let me know when he is free?

[Onxy]

I met this guy on a dating app, and on our first date or "meeting", we had sex. I was looking for sex, so we were both on the same page. 

He texted me at 1am and told me he wanted some oral. I told the guy that I couldn’t come over because I was getting sleepy. It would have been a 20-minute drive, and I probably would have spent the night, which I didn't mind. I told him I could come over later the next day-but his schedule was legit busy. He was working/had meetings, out of town, friends were staying over at his place-he suggested my place later in the night, but I didn't want him over yet. Then I told him to text me, let me know when he is free, and he was fine with that and even told me he was in on my fantasy. I texted him a few times since then, and he finally opened/read my texts-I know this because he has read receipts on. And asked about my fantasy and that was it, no mention of hooking up again, even after I sent all those texts. I texted him a few times, and he has me on delivered. 

Was I dumped because I didn’t go to his place at 1 am? I'm only looking for a hook-up. I mean, the last time we were texting and had a full conversation and he was sooo into me-we were going to do all these sexual things that we didn't do the first time, then in the flip of a switch he doesn't even want to engage with me now. 

Did I not cater to his needs at 1am even after I told him to text me? Did he meet someone else? Did I text him too much? 

[Gebidozo]

You said you were only looking for sex. Well, you’ve had it. I don’t understand why you’re expecting anything else.

You didn’t have any agreement, you aren’t dating, he’s free to do whatever he wants with whomever he wants, and so are you.

Why, then, do you suddenly sound like an overly concerned, dotting wife in the end of your post?

What’s that about “catering to his needs”, like he’s the sultan of Brunei and you’re his obedient concubine?

Why are you so disproportionately worried about something that, according to your first statement, was just a casual hookup?

Please make sure that you’re clear about what this was, and put your expectations in accordance with that.

[Onxy]

Right...but why wouldn't he just flat out say he doesn't want to do it anymore? And what was up with him being all like he was into me and wanting more then went silent on me?

[ExpatInItaly]

2 hours ago, Onxy said:

Did I text him too much? 

Probably.

What were all these messages you sent? 

[Onxy]

5 hours ago, ExpatInItaly said:

Probably.

What were all these messages you sent? 

Just telling him I was horny for him

[Carlston]

When a guy needs oral you need to be in your car and headed over there ASAP. 

If you chose to go to sleep, you pay the ultimate price, complete and total rejection and in this case it sounds like this was the man of your dreams.

 

[basil67]

Between this thread and your last, it would appear that you're not cut out for no-strings sexual relationships.  It would appear that you're looking for a degree of sexual commitment which doesn't exist

[MsJayne]

20 hours ago, Onxy said:

Was I dumped because I didn’t go to his place at 1 am?

No, to be dumped you have to be in a relationship with someone. You were dismissed because you mean nothing to this person. You didn't have any sort of agreement, you had no obligation to each  other, there is no friendship or any other type of meaningful connection involved. If you're only looking for casual sex then you have to accept the "casual" part of it and understand that you're signing up to be treated as disposable. 

[Onxy]

9 hours ago, Carlston said:

When a guy needs oral you need to be in your car and headed over there ASAP. 

If you chose to go to sleep, you pay the ultimate price, complete and total rejection and in this case it sounds like this was the man of your dreams.

 

But I offered him a later time the next day, and I didn't really say no. I told him I would have loved to, but was sleepy

[Gebidozo]

1 hour ago, Onxy said:

But I offered him a later time the next day, and I didn't really say no. I told him I would have loved to, but was sleepy

You don’t understand that @Carlston’s message was sarcastic?

You’re mistaking a hookup for a relationship. And you appear to be too eager to do things for men so that they don’t reject you. That, in itself, is a turn off.

 

[ExpatInItaly]

17 hours ago, Onxy said:

Just telling him I was horny for him

When you message someone this a few times and you're not getting a response, it makes you look desperate.

This is not attractive. You don't seem to understand how to seduce a man, based on this and your other thread. Your approach is off and you keep choosing men who are not that interested in continuing to have sex with you, but you don't accept that very well. 

[Onxy]

6 hours ago, ExpatInItaly said:

When you message someone this a few times and you're not getting a response, it makes you look desperate.

This is not attractive. You don't seem to understand how to seduce a man, based on this and your other thread. Your approach is off and you keep choosing men who are not that interested in continuing to have sex with you, but you don't accept that very well. 

Since when is it a turnoff for women to tell a man she's horny? 

How to properly seduce a man? There are tricks?

[Gebidozo]

1 hour ago, Onxy said:

Since when is it a turnoff for women to tell a man she's horny? 

How to properly seduce a man? There are tricks?

If I may reply to this - being a man, I actually quite agree with what @ExpatInItaly said above.

The turnoff is in your eagerness to please him at any time, your clingy text messages, and your assumption that the casual hookup meant more than it really did.

It’s really not about tricks, it’s more about what men find seductive, and I assure you that the above is not seductive.

If you want casual sex with a particular man to grow into something more, don’t be so eager and so anxious. Let him initiate more. Don’t seek his approval. Show your independence and your self-respect. If he isn’t interested, don’t panic and just drop it.

[Carlston]

2 hours ago, Onxy said:

Since when is it a turnoff for women to tell a man she's horny? 

How to properly seduce a man? There are tricks?

Desperation is unattractive. If she's throwing herself at the guy, willing to do any cheap sex act he demands of her, at any time of day or night, she cheapens herself and becomes much less desirable for anything but quick and easy sex.

In other words a guy isn't going to be looking to marry and have children with a woman who at the drop of a hat will drive to his house in the middle of the night and drop to her knees for a mouthful. 

 

 

 

 

[Gebidozo]

4 hours ago, Carlston said:

In other words a guy isn't going to be looking to marry and have children with a woman who at the drop of a hat will drive to his house in the middle of the night and drop to her knees for a mouthful. 

 

Well, there is nothing wrong with that per se.

It’s the subsequent chasing of the guy that is off-putting.

[ShyViolet]

It's weird that you use the word "dumped" when you were never actually in a relationship with him.  He lost interest in you because he probably never cared about you in the first place and this was a meaningless hookup.  Maybe he has someone else.  

[ExpatInItaly]

8 hours ago, Onxy said:

Since when is it a turnoff for women to tell a man she's horny?

 That is not what I wrote, but the fact that you conpletely missed the point is exactly why you're having these pronblems. 

It's a turn-off when a woman texts a bunch of times and he doesn't answer, and she still keeps texting.. He can find non-desperate horny to hook up with. 

[Onxy]

6 hours ago, ExpatInItaly said:

 That is not what I wrote, but the fact that you conpletely missed the point is exactly why you're having these pronblems. 

It's a turn-off when a woman texts a bunch of times and he doesn't answer, and she still keeps texting.. He can find non-desperate horny to hook up with. 

Well, since I didn't get up and drive at 1am to give him oral, I feel like I should have, and I owe him one and that's why I sent all those sexual texts.

I don't see myself as "desperate" or "chasing" because I wasn't able to give him what he wanted at the time. 

[Gebidozo]

14 minutes ago, Onxy said:

Well, since I didn't get up and drive at 1am to give him oral, I feel like I should have, and I owe him one and that's why I sent all those sexual texts.

I don't see myself as "desperate" or "chasing" because I wasn't able to give him what he wanted at the time. 

But that is exactly what being desperate and chasing is!

There is no problem in going to a guy and giving him a blowjob at 1am, if you feel like that’s what you want to do.

There is a problem in thinking that, because you didn’t go, you now owe him that (!), and bombarding him with texts manifesting that kind of thinking.

He is just a casual hookup, and you’re treating him like he were your dear old husband who’d been receiving regular blowjobs exclusively from you for 45 years straight,

[ShyViolet]

1 hour ago, Onxy said:

Well, since I didn't get up and drive at 1am to give him oral, I feel like I should have, and I owe him one and that's why I sent all those sexual texts.

I don't see myself as "desperate" or "chasing" because I wasn't able to give him what he wanted at the time. 

The guy literally stopped responding to your texts, so he couldn't be clearer that he is not interested in what you are offering.  For you to still be saying that you "owe" him one, is just bizarre.  Being fixated on someone who has made it clear they are not interested in you is pretty desperate.  You lack self-awareness.

[ExpatInItaly]

2 hours ago, Onxy said:

don't see myself as "desperate" or "chasing" because I wasn't able to give him what he wanted at the time. 

Yes, and that's the problem - you are unaware how you come across. 

 

[Els]

How can you possibly be "dumped" when it was just a hook up? 

Also honestly are you sure you're cut out for the whole hook up thing? Because the very definition of a hook up is how temporary it is. You're wanting texts, follow up, repeats. That's not consistent with hooking up. 

If all you really wanted was a hook up, why aren't you happy and excited to just move on to the next guy?

[Onxy]

38 minutes ago, Els said:

How can you possibly be "dumped" when it was just a hook up? 

Also honestly are you sure you're cut out for the whole hook up thing? Because the very definition of a hook up is how temporary it is. You're wanting texts, follow up, repeats. That's not consistent with hooking up. 

If all you really wanted was a hook up, why aren't you happy and excited to just move on to the next guy?

But the thing is our last conversation I told him to text me and let me know when he is free and he said, "okay baby." And he was in on my fantasy-I didn't want to tell him yet and was teasing him and he was in on it regardless. 

So, he left me under the impression that we would spend some time together again. Why would he agree to it and then fail to follow through? And if sometime after that, why wouldn't he just flat out say he doesn't want to do it anymore? 

[ExpatInItaly]

You seem to have a lot of trouble reading social cues. 

Have you had this issue in other areas of your life? 

[Onxy]

8 hours ago, ExpatInItaly said:

You seem to have a lot of trouble reading social cues. 

Have you had this issue in other areas of your life? 

No, I don't have trouble reading social cues.

When it comes to guys and dating however, I don't understand why some guys decide to ignore texts, ghost out of nowhere, making false promises instead of flat out saying they don't want to continue it anymore.