I'm the other man ..Can this relationship work in the long run?

[Brothel_jordan]

We work together and she was always upfront about having a live in boyfriend. We started as friends by taking breaks together and communicating  then fell for each other. We started seeing each other by spending time outside work. Then after 11 months we started going through cycles of breaking up and making up. She is jealous of my ex who is also a co worker and this leads into a argument if I talk to my ex or even look in her direction at work.

We have been seeing other for 2 years and have broken up 5 times..we are currently on a break right now

on our last reconciliation cycle, we started talking and working towards being together and started working hard by doing her work at work. I started getting behind with my own work so co workers complained.And she scolded me for it. At that time I became angry which lead me to punch a wall and broke my hand. I had to miss work for 2 months. I still have deep feelings for her 

Can this work out long-term if she lives her live in boyfriend?

Edited August 6 by Brothel_jordan

[Gebidozo]

Please break off any and all contact with her, delete all her numbers and media connections, and find a good therapist to help you restore your mental health.

No, this will never work long term because a person who cheats on her partner for 2 years is an egotistical pathological liar who can’t be trusted.

You’re having serious issues because you’ve allowed such a person to entangle you emotionally for a very prolonged period of time. You’re seemingly unable to see the deep humiliation and the shamefulness of your situation with her. Your violent self-harming reaction is a clear symptom and a perfect illustration of your ailing mental condition.

Please seek professional help now.

[BaileyB]

3 hours ago, Brothel_jordan said:

Then we started going through cycles of breaking up and making up.

 

3 hours ago, Brothel_jordan said:

She is jealous of my ex who is also a co worker and this leads into an argument if I talk to my ex or even look in her direction at work.

If your best mate told you that he was in a similar relationship - would you advise him to stay and continue to invest or would you tell him that these are the hallmarks of an unhealthy attachment/relationship? 

 

3 hours ago, Brothel_jordan said:

Can this work out long-term if she lives her live in boyfriend?

You are dating another man’s girlfriend. Thats not usually a recipe for success and happiness. 

If this was going to work in your favour, she would leave her boyfriend. It’s a pretty simple decision, really. They are not married, they have no children. She could make the decision to be in a relationship with you tomorrow if she wanted to - what does the fact that she hasn’t done this in the past TWO YEARS that you’ve been “dating” tell you? 

Not that you would want her to leave her boyfriend though… because then, you would be dating a woman who you know to be jealous, insecure, emotionally abusive (blame shifting when you told her that your coworkers complained that you did not get your work done because if I’m reading this correctly, you were doing her work), unfaithful, dishonest… you see what I’m saying? Not good.

I say that it’s long past time for you to move on from this office flirtation and find yourself a lovely girlfriend who chooses you - 
She is out there, if you have the courage to go and find her. Good luck!

Edited August 6 by BaileyB

[ExpatInItaly]

3 hours ago, Brothel_jordan said:

Can this work out long-term if she lives her live in boyfriend?

No. 

You need to learn what a healthy relationship looks like. There is zero chance this one is going to work out. She isn't working  towards anything with you if she is still not single, and you two have a volatile connection anyway. All this on-off is juvenile and points  to that fact that this is not and has never been a real relationship.

It's way beyond time you wake up and realize she is not your future. 

3 hours ago, Brothel_jordan said:

At that time I became angry which lead me to punch a wall and broke my hand. I had to miss work for 2 months.

Does this sound like you are in a good place mentally? The emotional and physical distress over this trainwreck is not worth it. 

[BaileyB]

12 hours ago, Brothel_jordan said:

At that time I became angry which lead me to punch a wall and broke my hand. I had to miss work for 2 months.

Next time, you will lose your job. Employers won’t put up with kind of behavior - relationships between coworkers are not encouraged. You are lucky that you haven’t already been fired. 

If you are not able to work with your ex-affair partner, you will need to find another job. 

[Carlston]

Before punching a wall always take a moment to determine which is the hand you use for almost everything and don't punch the wall with that hand. 

 

[MsJayne]

23 hours ago, Brothel_jordan said:

Can this work out long-term if she lives her live in boyfriend?

No, because she's a dirt-bag. You should find a good therapist to help you understand why you would want to be in a relationship with a lying, cheating, manipulative dirt-bag and you should probably also get yourself checked out for STD's. 

[Brothel_jordan]

21 hours ago, BaileyB said:

 

If your best mate told you that he was in a similar relationship - would you advise him to stay and continue to invest or would you tell him that these are the hallmarks of an unhealthy attachment/relationship? 

 

You are dating another man’s girlfriend. Thats not usually a recipe for success and happiness. 

If this was going to work in your favour, she would leave her boyfriend. It’s a pretty simple decision, really. They are not married, they have no children. She could make the decision to be in a relationship with you tomorrow if she wanted to - what does the fact that she hasn’t done this in the past TWO YEARS that you’ve been “dating” tell you? 

Not that you would want her to leave her boyfriend though… because then, you would be dating a woman who you know to be jealous, insecure, emotionally abusive (blame shifting when you told her that your coworkers complained that you did not get your work done because if I’m reading this correctly, you were doing her work), unfaithful, dishonest… you see what I’m saying? Not good.

I say that it’s long past time for you to move on from this office flirtation and find yourself a lovely girlfriend who chooses you - 
She is out there, if you have the courage to go and find her. Good luck!

She and her live in boyfriend own a house with pets. She told me that it's not easy for financial reasons to just leave so we were talking about maybe getting a place together

[BaileyB]

6 hours ago, Brothel_jordan said:

She and her live in boyfriend own a house with pets. She told me that it's not easy for financial reasons to just leave so we were talking about maybe getting a place together

Please don’t do that. She has shown you who she is - she is betraying and lying to him when she is with you and she treats you with little respect or dignity. This is not the kind of person with whom you want to become financially or legally entangled - 

If this is what you would choose for your life, then you will deal with the consequence of this very poor decision…

I hope you rethink things and make better decisions for yourself. 

Edited August 7 by BaileyB

[Acacia98]

On 8/6/2025 at 3:24 AM, Brothel_jordan said:

 Can this work out long-term if she lives her live in boyfriend?

OP, what was your life like and what were your relationships like before you got involved with this woman? I'm trying to get a sense of whether your current situation is the norm for you or this is the first time you're seeing someone who's cheating on their significant other.

Also, do you typically have on-again-off-again relationships with women who use you (e.g. financially or to do their work for them)?