My fiancé has a toy

[jmathew]

So ive been with my fiancé for 3 years, we live together and I know she has a few sex toys. In general I don't really have an issues with that. However there is one toy that she uses far more than the others. I noticed that it was kinda rough looking, like it didnt look like a polished dildo ya know. it was a little rough around the edges. I asked it about it and at first she kinda deflected but eventually she admitted that when she was with her ex, the guy before me that she and him had made one of those penis mold dildos together. So I was a little concerned about that she says she doesn't have feelings for him anymore she just likes the toy. she says she doesn't think about him when she uses it. But it makes me feel weird. like she's still using what effectively is his cock to get off. Like I trust her and she's never given me a reason to doubt her, but it still feels wrong. Am I over reacting? 

 

thanks!

[Gebidozo]

I’d feel weird too if my partner were using such a thing.

I don’t think it means that she wants to be back with her ex, but it does feel wrong, I agree with you.

How about you ask her to make another toy like that with you, and use the new one?

[MsJayne]

On 8/6/2025 at 7:34 AM, jmathew said:

Am I over reacting? 

No, that's weird and creepy and having her ex's penis in the mix should be enough to turn most guys off.  Such a lack of consideration and sensitivity towards a new partner warrants serious action, like dumping her ASAP, but before you do you should buy some stick-on scabs and super-glue them all over the offending dildo so that she can find it after you've gone. 

[timtim2x]

No, you are not over-reacting at all, really weird if you ask me. I mean, if she just had a penis mold thing of one of her ex boyfriends somewhere in her drawer without ever using it, that alone would be weird. But for her to actually use it... Why do you think she does that, how does the shape/size compare to your own penis?

[jmathew]

@timtim2x Im sure she just likes the size, its both long and thicker than mine. he definitely has me beat in those areas, so It might just be that, she misses the size or something idk. but like I said I honestly believe that she has never or would never actually cheat on me. Ive replayed things in my head and still trust 100%. I don't know if it's worth making a big deal out of in the end. I haven't given her an ultimatum or anything.

[jmathew]

@Gebidozo I like that idea, I might ask her if she wants to do that. thank you!

[timtim2x]

7 minutes ago, jmathew said:

Im sure she just likes the size, its both long and thicker than mine. he definitely has me beat in those areas, so It might just be that, she misses the size or something idk. but like I said I honestly believe that she has never or would never actually cheat on me.

Yes, it's definitely about the size then. In this case I wouldn't ask her to make a new one from your own penis (even though the idea was great), because then she would end up having two of these things with the new one being shorter and thinner which would constantly remind her of the fact that her ex had a bigger one. Not a good idea.

I would buy her a dildo that is even slightly larger than the one she already has, give it to her as a gift and ask her to stop using the ex boy friend thing because it makes you feel uncomfortable.

You should also talk to her about her preferences regarding size in general.

[flitzanu]

just agreeing with the others, yes that's pretty weird and inconsiderate that she's using a dildo molded from her ex.

and as the others, i don't necessarily think that means she wants to cheat on you, but fetishizing her ex seems bothersome.

[jmathew]

@timtim2x yeah I didnt think about that, having a visual representation like that wouldnt be a good idea, if we were close in size maybe not a big deal, but the difference is pretty stark hes got me by a good amount. buying a bigger one is a good idea. if I can find one that looks  like that and she still doesnt get rid of it then we may have something to talk about. I think she may find something his size more appealing, we haven't ever really talked about it, but considering she uses ones that are bigger than I am might suggest she has a preference for something more.

[timtim2x]

56 minutes ago, jmathew said:

if we were close in size maybe not a big deal, but the difference is pretty stark hes got me by a good amount.

Most important thing is that you feel absolutely confident about yourself. If you can give her everything she desires and needs, sexually, then there will never be a reason for her to cheat

If her ex was significantly larger than you then this can be a real problem later in your marriage if you don't talk to her about it! I'm a couple of years older than you and I have heard more than one crazy story with this exact constellation (married/in love with mr. average/small, but prior experiences with a really big one). Women tend to be very reluctant to address this issue, understandably, so you should do it. That would be my advice.

[Els]

Interesting first post, especially considering that it's extremely uncommon for a woman to be masturbating solely with a dildo - they're not even angled right for G-spot stimulation and they don't do anything for a clit. People do buy dildos, but the majority are for use with a strap on, and the few women who do masturbate with one will usually use a clitoral toy in conjunction with it.

But to answer your question just buy her an Njoy Pure Wand or some other dedicated G-spot toy.

[Gina2005]

Would you say that she rather use the toy than having sex with you?