Am I overthinking?

[MrGM]

My girlfriend of 12 months just looked a little sheepish when I was discussing someone cheating on their wife. I felt she changed the subject a little too quickly.

Now 2 years ago she broke up with her husband who cheated on her and left the family home to buy a house with his new woman. Even though he denied cheating... it took my girlfriend a while to get over it tbh and it spilled into our relationship.

I know my girlfriend has been the other woman in the past when she was younger.

So im not sure if its something from her past or has she cheated? Shes only just become comfortable with me to allow the light on during sex as she put a lot of weight on post husband split and she hasnt given me any reason to suspect her. Although that means nothing nowadays, I just cant get the look in her eyes out of my head.

Now I dont feel I can question her on it as it sounds a bit crazy.

[Acacia98]

It's not the sort of thing I'd ask about. I'd store it in the back of my mind. And if, someday in the future, something happened that brought it to mind, I'd  bring it back out and reexamine it and try to understand what it meant.

[ExpatInItaly]

1 hour ago, MrGM said:

t looked a little sheepish when I was discussing someone cheating on their wife. I felt she changed the subject a little too quickly.

Now 2 years ago she broke up with her husband who cheated on her and left the family home to buy a house with his new woman

I can't blame her for changing the topic if her marriage ended in cheating and it's still a sore memory for her. Why would she have wanted to get into some discussion about cheating? 

It's odd to me that you first suspect she might be cheating rather than considerating a more obvious and logcial explanation. Are there certain reasons you don't trust her to feel insecure about your relationship? 

[Sanch62]

7 hours ago, ExpatInItaly said:

It's odd to me that you first suspect she might be cheating rather than considerating a more obvious and logcial explanation. Are there certain reasons you don't trust her to feel insecure about your relationship? 

Yep, same here. Why wouldn't she be uncomfortable with that topic?

[MrGM]

So my girlfriend, before she settled down with her ex husband of 6 years slept around and didnt have a serious boyfriend for about 15 years. She was know to have many casual relationships at the same time.

 

Fast forward a few years and she says she has changed, fine. No problem the past is the past.

She loves a gossip and is incredibly nosey and always asks for info on certain people so I told her.

 

This was the first shed heard of it became flustered and changed the subject.

 

Yes she may be sore from 2 years ago but at the same time, why is she in a relationship with me if shes not over her ex cheating on her? I thought everything was fine.

I will just look at things a little differently now and see if maybe ive missed being taken for a ride.

Edited 18 hours ago by MrGM

[ExpatInItaly]

1 hour ago, MrGM said:

Yes she may be sore from 2 years ago but at the same time, why is she in a relationship with me if shes not over her ex cheating on her? I thought everything was fine.

Huh? 

Your line of thinking doesn't make a lot of sense to me. One can find a reminder of a painful time uncomfortable to tallk and still be over the ex who caused that pain. It is bizarre that you are choosing this awkward topic  as a measuring stick of her loyalty to you. 

1 hour ago, MrGM said:

So my girlfriend, before she settled down with her ex husband of 6 years slept around and didnt have a serious boyfriend for about 15 years. She was know to have many casual relationships at the same time.

So? What does this have to do with not really wanting to talk about someoe cheating? 

1 hour ago, MrGM said:

I will just look at things a little differently now and see if maybe ive missed being taken for a ride.

You sound quite paranoid, honestly. Have you always been this suspicious and untrusting of her? 

 

[ShyViolet]

This alone is not enough of a reason to suspect she cheated.  You're making issues out of nothing.

[Sanch62]

6 hours ago, MrGM said:

I will just look at things a little differently now and see if maybe ive missed being taken for a ride.

If you don't trust her, then you don't trust her. That's not a value judgment; you're perfectly entitled to feel how you feel. You're also well within your rights to stay with a lover who causes you to look over your shoulder all the time going forward. But is that how you want to live?

[MsJayne]

18 hours ago, MrGM said:

Now 2 years ago she broke up with her husband who cheated on her and left the family home to buy a house with his new woman. Even though he denied cheating... it took my girlfriend a while to get over it tbh

Are you sure she was looking sheepish and not just plain uncomfortable at the reminder of what she went through? Maybe the way you spoke about the cheater, your tone of voice, the words you used, whatever, may have pushed her buttons. Being cheated on is bad enough, being cheated on and subjected to gas-lighting behaviour is twice the trauma. Cheating may be a topic that brings back bad memories for her, hence of course she would want to change the subject. If she cheated on someone in the past, or was 'the other woman', she may have guilt feelings associated with that. There could be any number of reasons she looked uncomfortable.