mario_C Posted July 31 Posted July 31 Despite being 56, I still go out to things like trivia nights and live bands, and I have a pretty public facing job. No luck. Not even dating, just having a conversation with someone about anything meaningful. I'm starting to think it's impossible - that everyone would rather isolate with people they know from the before times and never associate with anyone new ever again. Maybe I have a face people don't trust? I'm pretty masculine and that's considered threatening, which I get ... how do I get past that?
basil67 Posted August 1 Posted August 1 I'm sorry you're having trouble making new friends. However I think you misunderstand the actions of others: We are not isolating with our friends, we are focussing on them. Most of us go out with our friends in order to have a good time with them. Sure, I could have a chat with someone while I'm queuing for a drink, but then I go back to my friends. I am curious as to what you mean by being "pretty masculine" and how this is considered threatening. Can you describe more? To me, all men are masculine looking unless they are wearing a feminine skirt, and the only time I'd be threatened would be if he looked like a thug, perhaps with tattoos on hands and face. You mention that you go to trivia nights. I assume you mean you are part of a team. Have you ever suggested going out for dinner? Have you tried using "MeetUp" as a way to meet new people?
Author mario_C Posted August 1 Author Posted August 1 5 hours ago, basil67 said: I'm sorry you're having trouble making new friends. However I think you misunderstand the actions of others: We are not isolating with our friends, we are focussing on them. Most of us go out with our friends in order to have a good time with them. Sure, I could have a chat with someone while I'm queuing for a drink, but then I go back to my friends. I am curious as to what you mean by being "pretty masculine" and how this is considered threatening. Can you describe more? To me, all men are masculine looking unless they are wearing a feminine skirt, and the only time I'd be threatened would be if he looked like a thug, perhaps with tattoos on hands and face. You mention that you go to trivia nights. I assume you mean you are part of a team. Have you ever suggested going out for dinner? Have you tried using "MeetUp" as a way to meet new people? Well, I appreciate the reply...I guess you could describe me as having "Resting Trump supporter face". When I'm very much not. I'm not sure how to work with or around that. I play alone, but I go to one where we are encouraged to pair up with other players who are alone. That's once a month. The issue with Meetup is: if you clean up properly and can make pleasant conversation, they'll never be able to kick you out, but they don't really want you there. There's got to be a reason I never get invited to the private activities these groups do outside of Meetup (obviously I'm not referring to professional mixers, which are their own set of problems). So...sigh. Music events are better, people become sociable when you play an open jam or something.
Acacia98 Posted August 1 Posted August 1 You're right. It is hard to make friends. I spent much of my adulthood outside my home country. So the friends and acquaintances I made over the years live in other countries today. We can't get together for a bit of fun over the weekend. We can't do the usual social things that friends do. And, ever since I returned home, I have struggled to meet and make new friends. My old friendships (from childhood) are not really an option either. We've mostly outgrown each other. So I can relate to your struggles. And I'm not a man. It's hard to break into existing friend groups. People are comfortable with the people they know and love and prefer to focus on them. Adulthood being what it is, they don't necessarily have the extra time or energy to get used to new people. So I'm not really proposing solutions. Just letting you know that you're not alone. You can keep trying to socialize, but be more relaxed about it because the challenges you're experiencing are not your fault. I'm guessing there's someone out there who's going through the same as you and you may eventually bump into each other. 1
Foxhall Posted August 16 Posted August 16 I think a lot of the time we dont entirely know whats going on between the two ears as it were, (in others) in terms of finding newer friendships at a more mature age- I think a lot of people dont like to let the mask slip , they prefer to stay stoic and not show any weakness to the outside world, then there are always the smug majority if we call them that, who are married have the same friends for years and are too busy to be making new friends I think we sometimes doubt ourselves and feel a little intimidated by the latter group it takes times but there are definitely a few more slightly lonely folk out there- it takes time to open up and get to know a person especially with guys but its worth persevering with meet ups, sports clubs etc, they will eventually throw up a new friend.
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